“Rarely have I seen such a tool of ingenuity and style that can so flawlessly replicate the naked male form. I love it.”
“Maybe someday Photoshop will be as good as that... ”
“Man, did I waste my money on that worthless pile of crap Adobe Photoshop! This is so much better! Look, it has an advanced color selection tool! I can easily paint the Mona Lisa on it! ”
MS Paint, also known as MS-06P Zaku Paint is a leading open-source image deleting program, first released in May 1, 1948, engineered by Linus Torvalds, and funded by Mom. It has since been known as one of the most innovative image editing programs on the market, and is used today by leading graphics professionals. Microsoft Paint is used by every daily newspaper in Montana for newsroom graphics, picture touch-ups, spellcheck, and pagination. Most pictures in Uncyclopedia have been touched by Microsoft Paint.
MS Paint is the most advanced image-editing application ever written.
MS Paint has brought innovations such as copy, paste, the pencil tool, select, and zoom. Some of its features, such as the rectangle and eraser tools, are not even found in the freeware program Adobe Photoshop. MS Paint supports many of today's image formats, including 13-Color bitmap, and the more compressed 1.5-color bitmap.
MS Paint's development team has been working hard to develop the next generation of imaging which will allow users to create high quality 50 coloured images. The downside is that each of these images will occupy over 100TBs of Hard Disk space to store all the colour information. A quick pornography tool is also to be included to help hentai artists.
In 1964, Bob Barker invented the text tool. MS Paint quickly became the most popular software for the book industry, eventually replacing the typewriter. It is a well-known fact that during the 1960s, National Geographic used the rectangle tool to design its famous yellow cover. Also, the triangle-tool was used by a lot of Satanists to make their hexagon logos. Triangles kick ass.
The well known MS Paint has been the best editing software in the history of computer-kind. It was rated by the PCWorld Magazines and the ComputerGeek Incorporated the most useful tool for editing graphics. Throughout the history and versions of Paint (1.0, 2.0, 3.0, 4.0, 5.1) it has been a success, knocking off Adobe Photoshop and CorelDraw off the market and into the stinking crappy sewage of Hong Kong, China. It is also worth buying because it doesn't cost anything and comes in a 3.5-inch Floppy Disc and in Windows. Lot of success stories have been heard from people, so-called noobs using MS Paint. Why is it such a success? Before they sell Paint out to the market Microsoft made a meeting with the "you-know-who" CEO, the project of the meeting is to decide the name for the successful graphic editing software currently called "Paint". They started off with, Color, Beautiful, Van Gogh and ended up with, Alps, Photostation, ArtWorkshop and Paint. But guess what, they chose "Paint"!... Then how is it such a success? MS Paint had been used in underground advertising, graphics in Windows Vista, 99% of the images in Google, blockbuster movies such as "The Matrix", drawing mustaches on J.K. Rowling and etc. So you are better off with Paint than any other graphic software such as the fanciness of Adobe Photoshop.
MS Paint continues to be one of the most used software programs in Web design, digital photography, video editing, and the culinary arts. In fact, all of the Pulitzer-Prize-winning digital effects in the movie The Matrix were created in MS Paint (Except for the character of Trinity, who was drawn with a pointy stick on wet sand, then scanned in with a HP BeachJet scanner, but there's always an exception to the rule, especially regarding women. Plus, MSPaint is a bit too masculine fo'rat's use.). Nowadays, most sports broadcasts are animated using MS Paint rather than filming actual sporting events to cut costs.
Confusion with Ms Paint
The confusion, resulting law suit, resulting mini-series, resulting book-based-on-the-mini-series, resulting trading card game, resulting video game, between Ms Paint (nee Lewinski) and the application has resulted in very little. In fact, the complete lack of confusion can be attributed to the fact that there is really no such confusion. This has led to confusion for confused Uncyclopedia editors and trained chimps, because there is in fact no basis for a confusion to be made. The whole thing is really rather confusing.
The Spraypaint Story
Paradoxes... Or paradoxettes? A multiple of paradox
MS Paint contains many... paradoxies. If any of these paradoxen are broken, your computer will crash and you will turn into a wad of spaghetti. No one wants to be a wad of spaghetti. People will eat you alive, so god help you if I get to you first, because I love spaghetti...
- One can zoom in, but not out. This is said to be because beyond the window, one can see all the secrets of life and the Universe.
- You cannot make text when zoomed in. Because if you do, you might get a glimpse of the tiny calligraphy gnomes that write the text on MS Paint.
- The palette has nine different shades of blue, but only one shade of orange. This is because blue and orange are mortal enemies, but blue is the color of God.
- You cannot make circles that lean to one side. If you do, grues will surely eat you.
- Sometimes a mysterious image of a purple gorilla appears on the lower-left corner of the screen if you use the spraypaint feature on top of the Paintbrush tool. No one knows why....
- You will rip up the entire space-time continuum if you attempt edit a gif image in MS Paint, so don't do that, or the blue screen of death will surely reap your soul.
- If you do not save your work, it may leak out into your hard drive, and poison the virtual hamsters powering your hard drive, mutating them and make them run 7200x as fast, thus causing your hard disk to spin so fast, it creates a black hole inside your computer, and sucks everything in within 5 mile radius. And yes, this does include your thoughts.
- Even though many have tried, it is impossible to huff the fumes from the MS Paint patented paint bucket. Although the neon colored pixel-paint may look appealing, the high induced by its godly fumes is only enough to give you tiger blood for about 12.456 seconds. This time period only allows the user to hover for a couple seconds, although the desired effect may be to become a rock star from Mars.
The Ultimate ToolBox
- Take a screenshot MS Paint interface.
- Copy it in MS Paint.
- Print it.
- Select the desired tool with the selection tool. (follow the same procedure to get the selection tool)
- Eat the selection. (loading in ram)
- Edit the world!
There are some important facts to know before proceeding:
- It is very easy to get dirty with the bucket.
- The eraser is somewhat dangerous if in bad hands. (Darth Vader)
- The spray can is highly unstable, it could blow at any moment from a terminal shock since it is used to Windows climate.
Finally, if ever you forget to put back the tool in paint before you go to sleep, (The moment when your ram is reinitialized) you are doomed and the tool is lost for ever. Whenever the time or the computer you use, that particular tool will never be available for you again in MS Paint nor in PhotoShop nor in ANY drawing tools. This is because every program is a descendant of MS Paint in one way or another.
This ingenious concept was brought to life by Dan Koabel. His innovations in web paint development are unrivaled. Now on version 3.0, paint chat will be released soon to eagerly awaiting millions.
- Despite being the graphics tool of choice for a generation, a fatal bug has never been weeded out of this fine application. It has been known that due to a fiscal-overflow error that if ever a Thai character is entered into a text box whilst having either a British Pound, US Dollar, Aussie Scrote [or any other predominantly english speaking currency] balanced on the users forehead on the turn of the fiscal year, Mr Clippy will burst out of every terminal connected to the internets to rape and pillage the land.
- It is thought this bug was left by a disgruntled Princess Diana, having been told she could not attend the MS Halloween Party.