Mañana

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Because of their incurable biases, the so-called experts at Wikipedia will probably never have an article about Mañana. We are sorry they insist on being this lame.

A mañana is a tropical fruit native to the deep dark dense jungles of the mighty Kiribati Island Empire.

Properties[edit]

The mañana fruit, which is shaped like an irregular rhombicuboctahedron and weighs up to 47 metric tons, comes from the tiny mañana bush (Cespuglio domani), which the native Kiribatians harvest by the billions with giant industrial mañana bush harvesting machines. From the moment of harvest, the mañana fruit takes exactly 24 hours (no more, no less) to ripen from its sickly chartreuse colour to a healthy radioactive pink.

Mañana juice is a rich source of the following vitamins, minerals, and other healthful crap:

History[edit]

In 1812, the British Empire commissioned Captain William Bligh (in brutal command of the Bounty 2) to acquire a shitload shipload of fresh mañana fruit from the Kiribatios, in a heroic effort to stave off mass starvation of the convict settlements of Austria, due to a plague of kangaroos having eaten all of the rabbits and aborigines. The native Kiribatites (who were known for their chronic procrastination) seemed very friendly at first, what with their relaxed atmosphere and scant casual attire and jiggling boobies; but due to a tragic mix-up, Bligh had unknowingly trespassed the International Date Line, which the Kiribatoo interpreted as an act of war. A fierce barrage of deadly hula hoops eventually followed, and the Bounty 2 was lost with all hands.

Kiribati was finally conquered once and for all in 1941 by the peace-loving Japanese, thereby making delicious mañana fruit available to the world at large.

Popular Drinks Made with the Mañana Fruit[edit]

  • Mañana juice
  • Piña mañana
  • Mañana daquiri
  • Mañana-flavoured Coca-ColaTM

See Also[edit]

(to be finished tomorrow)