Madalyn Murray O'Hair

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Madalyn, as she appears in "The Birds"
Debbie, Madalyn's pet atheist


Madalyn Murray O'Hair (born Richard Dreyfuss) was a devoutly catholic woman from London, England. A miracle child, she survived being born with a cancerous hymen beneath her chin. When she was 4, she took a liking to world-renouned artist Larry Flynt's works and began expressing her own artistic skills through nude dispensationalism. At the age of 12, she starred in the german hit "The Birds" and at age 16, wrote her first novel, entitled "Mein Kampf".

An avid breeder and trainer of atheists, she was known for carrying "Debbie" (her pet atheist) in public during movie premiers and for commercial advertisements. However, in 1995, a secret videotape showing her secretary brutally beating her pet atheist infuriated her, which in turn lead her to form PETA (People for the Ethical Treatment of Atheists) and launched an international campaign to end the oppression of domestic atheists everywhere.

During her 1997 campaign, she toured Amsterdam, Where she met, fell in love, and got married to famed polygamist, pastor, and dispensationalist, Hal Lindsey. They had 2 children, Bitch and Bastard, and relocated to Nevada where they funded the construction of the Mustang Ranch, now known as "The World Famous Brothel".

Shortly thereafter, she disappeared in May 14th, 1999 while on a camping trip with her 2 sons. One theory suggests that she was abducted and eaten by the Goatman of Maryland, which is supported by evidence found near an elephant poophole containing half-eaten bones and the hair of her pet atheist, Debbie.

Likewise, there is some debate between skeptics and modern historians as to whether or not she actually existed. Some say that the story of Madalyn O'Hair is a pagan myth copied from the ancient negro folktale of Heidi, as parallels exist. In contrast, the remaining members of her ethical organization, PETA, have created a spinoff group dedicated to refuting these lies called FEMA (Friends Eager for Madalyn's Assets).