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“It sucks...”

~ Iron Man on Magnetism
The most common form of magnets, a chick magnet.

Magnetism is a natural force. It is commonly alleged to carry "evil" or "magic" powers - today those negative associations have been explained by careful analysis of the tragic series of events during the "Magnetism Crisis" of 1895.

The Magnetism Crisis[edit]

In 1895, during a secret experiment performed by mad scientist Thomas Edison, a wormhole was opened for 0.25 seconds in a geostationary orbit around earth that caused 1 ELA (Extremely Large Amount) of Kool-Aid™ to be materialized over Wales by "effortless self-implementation", one of the three known zero-gravitational multilongitudinalsynthetization phenomena, only to be drifted by Coriolis force to the contemporary secret laboratory of his arch-enemy, the later Disco-King of America, John Travolta in North Dakota. It was for the relentless intervention by a squadron of robots that Travolta's laboratory did not suffer substantial damage - unfortunately, the effect was strong enough to introduce a very subtle bug to the seismic stabilization system underlying the building leading to the buildings collapse during the Crisis on infinite Earths later that year. Travolta was heavily wounded and had to be transformed to a robot by Omnitron.

It has to be noted that due to these events (and some magic introduced to the official record) for almost 27 years John Travolta was mistaken by historians to be the inventor of Electricity.

not the best film but its so good. :)


Known to be followers of the Church of Magnetism which evolved around the events of 1895; one of the three known religions with less than one member.

The Church of Magnetism was founded in 1870 by Lord Cobalt, King of Neverland. The current known followers of the Church are here listed:

  • Margaret Thatcher
  • Anonymous
  • Mr Snuffles the Cat

The News people keep stories of the Magnets under blankets, but they are quite an activist group of (people?). The other week they were seen burning down BBC (British B*stard Corporation) Headquarters, and then they dressed up as superheroes and scaled the wall of buckingham palace. The Police (or Daleks, as they are more commonly referred to as) decided to let them stay there until they ran out of caffiene or felt the need to drink their own peewee, whichever came first.

Modern Magnetic Theory[edit]

On April 06th 2010 the Grand Wizard Masters from Insane Clown Posse brought new light to Magnets. Mainly by pointing out that no one knows how they work.

"Fucking Magnets, how do they work????" -ICP

This new theory made it possible for everyone to throw away scientific theory and accept it as a "Fucking Miracle" changing how we would live for generations to come.

Fun Factoids[edit]

  • Magnetism is used to produce Kool-Aid™.
  • The only natural environment that holds zero magnetism is 100 nautical miles below the surface of Freddy Mercury. Therefore, magnets are used in recent approaches to resolve certain paradoxae occurring in the theory of Air using the Freddy Mercury Aggregate.

See Also[edit]