Magpie

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
Jump to: navigation, search

The Magpie (corvidus agpiemay irdbay) is a North European air-bird, formerly known as the "pie" (until Wayne Rooney threatened to eat them all).

Physiology[edit]

Wings and stuff. They are birds. Feathers. You know the drill.

Psychology[edit]

Magpies love Shiny Things and will steal them to decorate their nests, or to add to their mating plumage ("bling"). So, if you live near an area with Magpies and you find you cannot locate your car keys, do not despair - it just means you are a dozy twat, try looking down the back of the settee.

British Television[edit]

While the mighty BBC had their flagship childrens show "Blue Peter" to dominate the schedules, their rival ITV struggled with shows like "Yellow Steve", "Red Ken", "Green Andrew" and the ill-fated "Mauve Martin" (who can forget the hilarous and repeated scenes of animal defacating in the studio, which formed the majority of the show). Finally they changed the format and created the show "Magpie", finally admitting that they basically stole the bright and shiny idea from the BBC. Hosted by former, current and future Pr0n star Jenny Hanley, the show ran for 10 years and then limped along for another 10.

Poem[edit]

Magpies were used as currency in the early 1th century AD, a sample exchange rate tariff as follows:

One for sorrow (although frankly this one had few takers)
Two for joy
Three for a girl (only two for a russian bride, however)
Four for a boy (a popular trade among early Christian ministers)
Five for silver
Six for gold
Seven for a secret, never to be told (plus an extra magpie every month if you really want me to keep quiet)
Eight for a playstation
Nine for a kiss, nine and a half with tongues
Ten for a deposit on a house (ten magpies can make quite a deposit if startled)