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Today's Featured Article

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“X is the only windowing system that went from barbarism to decadence without civilisation in between.”Oscar Wilde on X-Windows

X-Windows (colloquially known as the "X Window System") is the standard graphical interface for computers running Leegnux. It is a technological marvel, constructed by geeks far deeper than thou. It does amazing and wonderful things that you wouldn't have thought possible. It runs on every operating system you can think of and several you wish you hadn't. It will display your applications to the same computer, the one next to you or one running on the friggin' moon.

It doesn't run your new video card, though it might next year or the year after. Maybe. Why don't you write a driver for it?

X-Windows (spelt with a hyphen and with an S on the end) works on the basis of "mechanism, not policy." This means that no application quite works with any other, and each one shows the artistic flair and graphic design skills of a furry-toothed programmer whose computer permanently displays a screen full of green-on-black terminal windows and a minimised Firefox for his porn. But this is a feature, not a problem.

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Selected anniversaries

January 19: Porn day

Porn in Braille
  • 7,998,824 BC - Monkeys evolve opposable thumbs
  • 7,998,824 BC - Monkeys start to "spank the monkey"
  • 3000 BC - Egyptians invent papyrus.
  • 2999 BC - First pornographic papyrus, featuring Nefertiti. Men say they "just read it for the hieroglyphs".
  • 1450 - Gutenberg invents printing press, prints Gutenberg Bible
  • 1450 - Gutenberg invents a printing press capable of printing centerfolds
  • 1850 - Man invents photography
  • 1850 - First pornographic pictures.
  • 1953 - First Playboy, featuring Marilyn Monroe
  • 1953 - World suffers from a crippling shortage of hand lotion
  • 1970 - Presidential Commission on Obscenity and Pornography is convened to look into social effects of porn. After six straight weeks of reviewing pornographic materials, the members of the commission say they have come to no conclusions, and ask for six more months to study the issue.
  • 1971 - Man invents videos
  • 1971 - Man invents porn videos
  • 1971 - First porn video director becomes millionaire
  • 1982 - DARPA, the Defense Advanced Research Projects Agency, begins research into a network that will allow porn to be transmitted even in the event of a nuclear attack. This network, ARPANET, is the precursor of the internet.
  • 1994 - Man invents world wide web
  • 1994 - Man invents porn web site
  • 1994 - First porn web site reaches 100 million hits. This is particularly impressive when you consider that only 5,000 people had web browsers at the time.
  • 2010 - Ugh that's better.
  • 2015 - The last male yak porn star dies and the month is renamed after his last partner.

Archived Anniversaries

In the news


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From Uncyclopedia's biggest morons:

  • ...about Alliteration articulating an artistic approach aimed at annotating and arranging alphabetic accoutrements as alarmingly asinine alignments?


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Writer and Noob of the Month

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GlobalTourniquet wins Writer of the Month for September in the typical fashion of some prolific writer who has been abscent for 2 years only to return with bold, new ideas for their writing! It should also be noted apart from the fact he is back that he is talented in what he writes and he does a fine job managing UnNews. So hats off to GlobalTourniquet, may he bring many, exciting articles to Uncyclopedia!

Seriously, we love you.


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Noob of the Moment is the award that all newbies want and Sinner George has pulled that off excellently (being the second Greek to have this award!) It should be mentioned that his username is deceptive, he is actually a very good George writing new master pieces and getting on well with the dynamics of Uncyclopedia. You should congratulate him on this prestigious honor.

Hats off to you George, may you bbe with us for many months years to come!


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It is said last months winner has an ego comparable to Napoleon but both of these people are nothing compared to the ego of Frosty, as both winner of Uncyclopedian of the Month (second time!) and the writer of this update he will stain this section with vanity and how wonderful he is. Frosty is a wonderful Uncyclopedian, he is the best, he will crush you all. He has no time for the likes of you and he is the new administrator and unless you worship him he will take you on a free of charge trip on the banwagon!

HEIL FROSTY!



Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Month | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners


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