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For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Malakas.

Malakas (plural "malakes") is a greek word. Although it actual means the person who performs the art of masturbation, it is nowadays widely used as part of almost any type of conversation and has multiple meanings. In everyday life it is used as a substitute for someone's real name, for example it is common practice to greet someone with the expression "Hi, how are you today malakas?". In psychology it is a more specialized term, describing a certain type of human behavior. It is one of the first words that foreign people learn in Greece, among others like souvlaki or musaka. Those who don't know it's meaning are malakes. You are most definitely a malakas too.

First use of the word[edit]

According to a Theory of Factual Evidence, the word malakas appeared 1,000,214,123,124 years ago, for the first time, written in an ancient greek manuscript of Plato, famous scientologist and rock star of his time. The manuscript has never been found, hence there is no proof that the theory is wrong. But anyone can edit this so yeah.

Malakas as a human type[edit]

Psychologists use the term within the context of evolutionary psychology, in order to describe a person who acts as a complete jerk due to lack of sexual intercourse. It still remains a mystery how the type of malakas has survived through the evolution process. There exists a major difficulty studying the particular human type, due to the fact that most researchers are malakes themselves, hence their research is considered as biased. In his famous paper Interpretation of Malakas, Sigmund Freud attempts an indepth analysis of malakas and finally concludes that his behavior can be reproduced as the result of unresolved disputes between the ego, the superego, the hyperego and the superdupperego, combined with cocaine use and 2-hour masturbation.

The malakas in mythology[edit]

In the creation myth of Phillipines, Malakas is the name of the first masturbator. Something like Adam but without Eve.

Famous malakes in history[edit]