Malaysian Space Program

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
Jump to: navigation, search

The Bangsat-kawan program is an initiative by the Malaysian government to send a Tourist to the International Space Station on board Soyuz TMA-11. Angkasawan is the Malay word for space tourist.

This program has an important objective, to go where other men have gone before as well as to develop the malaysian tourism industry(cuti-cuti malay sial)

Background[edit]

This program was officially announced by the former Prime Minister of Malaysia, Mahathir bin Mohamad, as a joint programme with the Russian Federation. In this project, the Malaysian government agreed to buy the Sukhoi SU-30MKM fighter jets for the Royal Malaysian Air Force at a much higher price than they cost in exchange for a supposedly free ride into space, but actually the Malaysian Government decided to waste taxpayer's money by sending Malaysia's first gay (they thought sending a monkey would be too expensive) into space to test the effects of a person eating "tempe" in space.

Under this agreement the Russian Federation uses part of the extra profit to train two Malaysian tourist for space travel and send one of them to the International Space Station (ISS) in October 2007.

The Malaysian National Space Agency (ANGKASA), Ministry of Science, Technologies and Innovations was given the responsibility of selecting the candidates. Two of the four selected participants were sent to the Astronaut Training Programme in Star Trek City, Russia for 18 months of training.

Selection[edit]

The four finalists were:[1]

http://photos-513.friendster.com/e1/photos/31/56/22916513/974843422l.jpg

Siva Vanajah

All four trained at Star Trek city, Moscow. But like the highlander, there could only be one.

Planned Agenda[edit]

While the russian cosmonauts were performing medical experiments to test the effects of zero-gravity on cancer cells and other sciency stuff. They left the tourist alone to play with his top and eat some food.

Itinery of the Malaysian tourist
# Experiment Code Description
1 Malaysian Food in Space FIS Increase the variety and quality of food available to space travelers by identifying new food items (specifically typical Malaysian dishes) that are appropriate for consumption during space flight.
2 Study of spinning motions in microgravity environment TOP A physics demonstration to show the effect of microgravity on the motions of spinning object using a top.
3 Facing Mecca in zero g DIZZY Trying to face Mecca when the space station is orbiting the earth several times an hour.
4 PR and Symbolics PAS PR and Symbolics activities.
5 Malaysian Traditional Games MTG Perform gasing in zero-G which eventually caused fire in the space shuttle.

On November 15, 2006, in a response to a question in the Dewan Rakyat, Agriculture and Agro-based Industry Ministry parliamentary secretary Datuk Rohani Abdul Karim (representing the Science, Technology and Innovation Ministry) stated that the Malaysian astronaut would, "spin top and toss Batu Seremban (five-stone game) as part of an experiment during his space travel". She added, "The astronaut will also paint a batik motif and make "teh tarik" ("pulled" tea) which would be shared with his fellow astronauts."[2].

However, on December 18, 2006, Science, Technology and Innovation Minister Datuk Seri Dr Jamaluddin Jarjis said that making teh-tarik in space would not happen. Various experiments drawn up by selected Malaysian institutes would be carried out by the Malaysian astronaut while in zero-gravity. [3]

Sheikh Muszaphar Shukor personal agenda:

1. To check out the Russian Cosmonaut's posterior. 2. To feel the Russian Cosmonaut's posterior. 3. To smell the Russian Cosmonaut's posterior.

Praise[edit]

Just like some would consider a person a pilot for sitting in coach, some fellow malaysians have elevated the space tourist to the status of an astronaut.

Disgruntled Neighbors[edit]

Obviously, its neighbor to the south would be really pissed that they didn't send a tourist to space first since they too are trying to develop their tourism industry. They also have plans to buy a ticket to space and would most probably use a foreign talent as their representative. (Most likely a malaysian chinese)