Manchester City

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Manchester City (also known as Etihad Airways, مانشستر سيتي or Manchester Shitty) is a football team from Manchester. It is famous for two things: It is widely accepted as being the best football team in the world, it is far richer than can possibly be good for anyone, and they ... three things: It is widely accepted as being the best football team in the world, it is far richer than can possibly be good for anyone, and they wear nice red uniforms DAMN! That's the other one!

History[edit]

Manchester City was formed at a church, by over friendly priests, and quickly rose, due to the presence of men in short shorts. From that point up until 1968 and the installation of CCTV, they won everything every season, in the nothern icelandic conference. In 1968, however, in the glory days of players such as Colin Bell End, Sir Alex "Wrigley's Extra" Ferguson, who has always managed Manchester Red Sox Ltd. ever since the dawn of time, decided it would be a good idea to influence referees by giving them chewing gum in exchange for sending everyone on the opposing team off every time one of his players fell over. this is why, despite being the best team in the world, Manchester City didn't win the league for 44 years since then. In the years leading up to their takeover by stupidly rich Arabs, Manchester City were a good, honest football club with traditional values that either got promoted or relegated every season in order to be more exciting and so get more fans. They soon realised that this didn't work, and that the best way to get more fans was to win things and get glory supporters, and the easiest way to do this was to be phenomenally rich, so they got taken over by Arabs and immediately began to win things again, like the 2011-12 Premier League.

Fans[edit]

Manchester City fans have little or no teeth from chewing on bitterness for the last one hundred years. Manchester City fans can often be seen on ITV's Jeremy Kyle show. However there was a time when City fans supported Chelsea but due to their glory hunting ego's they opted to support City. It is unknown where these creatures came from, one thing we do know is City fans which come from the same family inter-breed with one another.

Notable Players (Past and Present)[edit]

Manchester City has had several notable players in its history, most of which still play for them. Here is a list of them:

Joe Hart recieved constant verbal abuse from Mancini.

Colin Bell End[edit]

Colin Bell End played for Manchester City in their glory days. He has a stand named after him in their stadium called the Colin Bell End.

Trout-Man[edit]

Trout-Man was just an ordinary goalkeeper, but then he broke his neck diving at the feet of a radioactive Birmingham City player in the FA Cup Final, giving him all the powers of a trout. By day he is just an ordinary goalkeeper but every night he puts on his trout suit and becomes TROUT-MAN. He uses his powers to fight crime and to defend the innocent citizens of Manchester from his arch-nemesis Dr. Mackerel.

David Silva[edit]

David Silva is the second best football player in the world. He scores on average 43,984,729,847,924,792,879,417,931 gazillion goals per match and is so good that he can play on his own and still be the best team in the world by a long way. The best player in the world is Jamie Ecclescake, who plays for KFC Spartak Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch, who recently won promotion to the Anglesey Superliga, the twelfth tier of the Anglesey Junior football league.

Mario Balotelli[edit]

Mario Balotelli is a professional darts player. In his spare time he is an astronaut and the dictator of an obscure Eastern European nation. He enjoys throwing fireworks at children, blowing up his bathroom and giving random people large amounts of money. Seeks attractive middle-aged woman for fun times. He is also allergic to grass.

Stadium[edit]

Manchester City play at the Emtpyhad Stadium. It is the biggest football stadium in the world, with a capacity of 9,894,501,450,145,601,758,910,918,437,590,810,591,948,574,390,029,837,108,390,420,249,357,920,345,582,472,395,820,598,235,203,952,049,827,239,752,305,792,570,934,781,091,972,059,825.032499092795842730958472536528. Manchester City used to play at Maine Road, until it got stolen as a result of being in Moss Side.

Club Traditions[edit]

Manchester City has a wide range of traditions. Here are some of them:

The Poznan[edit]

The Poznan is a way Manchester City's fans attempt to display their identity as City Fans. It doesn't work, because they ripped it off Lech Poznan and it means they don't actually get to see any football because they have their backs to the pitch.

Singing the national anthem of the UAE[edit]

Since their takeover by Arabs, Manchester City's fans have sung the national anthem of the United Arab Emirates before every match whilst an enormous picture of Sheik Mansour is lowered into the stadium from a helicopter.

Songs[edit]

  • Of Course We're Really Here, Otherwise We Wouldn't Be Here, Would We?
  • Who the Fuck are Man. United? No, Seriously, Who the Fuck are They? I Actually Need to Know.
  • One of Two Football Teams to Come From Manchester
  • Let's all do the Białystok
  • The Boys Who are Playing For a Draw
  • You are My City, One of My many Cities
  • Glory Glory Man United
  • Championes Championes Ole Ole