Manos:Hands Of Fate
|Manos: The Hands of Fate (In Spanish manos means hands)|
A replace audio version by Tony Trombo making it into a comedy and into a better film
|Directed by||Harold Pee. Warren|
|Produced by||Harold Pee. Warren|
|Written by||Harold Pee. Warren|
|Starring||Hal Warren |
|Music by||Ross Huddleston |
Robert Smith Jr
|Cinematography||Robert Guidry |
|Editing by||Ernie Smith |
James Sullivan (as said, but clearly there was no editor)
|Distributed by||B-movie Enterprise.|
|Release date(s)||November 15, 1966 (premiere)|
|Running time||250 minutes|
Manos: The Hands of Fate, which makes Howard The Duck look like Casablanca and Citizen Kane was and still is terribly boring
Mexican red-neck American B-movie horror film written, directed, produced by, and starring Harold Pee. Warren (also known as the Pauly Shore of horror). It is widely recognized to be one of the worst films ever made. In 1993, Mystery Science Theater 3000 featured Manos: The Hands of Fate, giving the film cult status.
The dull tiring slow paced plot of the film revolves primarily around a vacationing family who lose their way on a road trip. After a long drive in the Texas desert, the family is trapped at a lodge maintained by a polygamous pagan cult, and they attempt to escape as the cult's members decide what to do with them. The film is technically deficient with significant editing flaws; its soundtrack and visuals are not synchronized, and several scenes are inexplicable or unconnected to the overall plot.
Harold Warren (and also know as the horrendous version of Alfred Hitchcock) was a roustabout worker from who really gives a shit? Who produced the film as a result of a bet on Ebay. Manos was an independent production (no shit) by a crew that had little or no background or experience in filmmaking and a very limited budget at their disposal (no shit, Sherlock) like Harold's hero, Ed Wood. Upon its theatrical debut, the film was poorly received, and remained obscure until its Mystery Science Theater appearance.
The plot? Okay, but don't fall asleep, even if I'm trying to make it more entertaining. While on a road trip, a young couple, Michael Bay (Who cares?), Margaret (who cares again)?, their young boy half daughter Debboy (why, shit who cares)? And their dog, Pepsi, search for the "Valley of Gwangi." Michael Bay and his family finally reach a house which is tended by the worst fake handicap in a film, Torgo (do you care)? With an erratic, repetitive speech pattern who takes care of the house "while the Master Chief is away." Michael Bay and Margaret ask Torgo for directions to Valley of Gwangi; Torgo simply replies that, "There is no way out of here. It'll be dark soon. There is no way out of here and no way out of the film, besides Jurassic Park is way easier to find." With this information. Michael Bay asks Torgo to let him and his family stay the night, despite objections from both Torgo and Margaret.
Inside the shack, the family sees a disturbing painting of a dark, malevolent-looking man and an alien with no eyes; the man it depicts is the Master Chief. Margaret becomes frightened upon hearing an ominous howl, Michael Bay, like the Sherlock Holmes he is, investigates, retrieving a flashlight and revolver from his toy ATV. He finds Pepsi lying dead on the ground. Torgo reveals his attraction and gets turned on to Margaret and tells her that, although she is doomed to become yet another sacrifice to King Kong, he intends to keep her for himself. Margaret threatens to tell Michael Bay of Torgo's advances, but Torgo persuades her not to say anything to her husband by promising to protect her. Michael returns, unable to start the car. With the revelation that there is no phone in the house the family reluctantly decides to stay the night.
Michael and Margaret stumble upon "The Master Chief" (Why do you give a shit?) And several women dressed in translucent nightgowns, later a surprising twist, reveals to be as men, who are asleep. Torgo ties Michael Bay to a pole and The Master Chief suddenly comes to life and does Thriller. His husbands also awake, and a short argument over the fate of the family ensues. The Master Chief decides to sacrifice Torgo and his first wife to the film's are you asleep yet? "Manos." When The Master leaves, his husbands engage in further argument that soon degenerates into a slap fight, and the women boxes like Rocky in the sand.
Torgo succumbs to what appears to be a hypnotic spell by the Master Chief. The Master Chief stops the slap fight, and has his first wife tied to a pole to be sacrificed. Torgo is laid on a stone bed, where he is assaulted by The Master's other husbands, but this in itself does not prove fatal. Evoking some mysterious power, The Master severs and cuts Torgo's left hand with a lightsaber. Torgo runs off into the darkness, waving the burning stump that remains, okay you know what? I'm skipping through this! An undisclosed amount of time later, an entranced Michael Bay greets two more lost travelers in Torgo's stead. Margaret and the pedophile Master Chief is made little Debboy his wives. The film concludes with Michael Bay saying, "I take care of the place while the Master Chief is away." The production credits are superimposed over past scenes from the film with the words "The End?" Thank god! Hopefully, eventually this film will be forgotten.
This film is so much of an utter shit that I rather fucking take a shit because this movie is complete shit! That most of the cast and crew never ever appeared in another film and the actor who play Torgo suicided. Woot! Hands down to Manos for destroying peoples careers....Not! As Wayne Campbell would say it.
This horrendous film got large amount of negative reviews and when the screening happened, people started laughing and throwing shoes at the screen because of film's poor quality and redundant dialogue. Humiliated, (why shouldn't they be)? The cast left the screening. However, director Uwe Boll states that this is one of his favorite movies, and told all of it's haters to fuck off.
Although the utter failure of the film a remake is planned for release in 2012 directed by Michael Napoleon Stalin Hitler Bay and written by J. David Ivan Shapiro, which the Mayan prophecy predicted that if such a movie would be remade the world would be destroyed by reptilian shape-shifting aliens skinheads who hate the human race and caused 9/11 according to a sane man, David Icke.