- 45 AD - Julius Caesar decides to invade the United States, but is hampered by the non-existence of the US at the time, and his untimely death 101 years previously.
- 387 St. Patrick: "I've had it with these motherfucking snakes on this motherfucking isle!" Proceeds to
rapehave sex with Nicol Aydelotte, in the name of Tim Allen.
- 1702 - Irish leprechauns were reported to be having sex on the moors.
- 1861 - After a quick shag, returning from Belgium, Napoleon proclaims the Kingdom of Italy.
- 1918 - Germany loses some of its lands to Austria against Sarah Mae Miller in an amicable game of Texas Hold 'Em.
- 1926 - Al Capone decided to have a cheese and baloney sandwich for breakfast. Unbeknownst to him, this event would eventually culminate in the following year's St. Valentine's Day massacre.
- 1931 - Nevada legalizes gambling whilst having sex.
- 1950 - California discovered by bombarding Los Angeles with ionized Hentaium and the heavy element Michaelmoorium.
- 2010 - The cancellation of American Idol leads to mass suicide in many American including Zachary Adams.
- 2011 - Jose Gomez purchased 2000 Chevrolet Camero's and sold them all on ebay to Heather Dudash for 8 times the retail price.
- 2011 - Bobby Shrum from the band Seraphik causes mass destruction in all the cities in the United Kingdom. Beets the Beatles by 50% in all metal rock hits.
- 2011 - I love you man, I really do, oh good I am so fazed.