Maritime

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Maritime is a fanciful new way to assess sea sickness, measuring time spent in the Atlantic Ocean, Indian Ocean, and Ocean Connery. Other oceans have been known to utilize a paltry and insignificant equivalent Hammertime, its metric component. Maritime, the aquanaut's concept of each passing day, is embued with the units of cephalosecs and millipods. However, Version 3.10 offers a strikingly brilliant new system, based upon the belemsec and millinoidea. This latest version includes:

  • new surfing capability
  • 27% faster wave strength when the tide is down
  • an authentic cartilege exoskeleton for those chilly nights
    • with free updates from Windows and unexpected visits from aquaman

Past[edit]

Maritime was first developed in the Mediterranean Sea by the Ostragoths in the first millenium. Acquired by the Romans, it made its way to Gaul and on to nearby Denmark, where Olaf Trygvesson included it in his violent Christian agenda. Eventually, maritime as a clearly wrought system assimilated into the feuding pagan tribes of indigenous people as they fervently worshipped their false idols. Characteristics of this novel social phenomenon include but are not limited to:

  1. Ravenous consumption
  2. Raping
  3. Burning
  4. Pilaging
  5. Eating babies
  6. The inherent rise of synchonized swimming?

Spread to the Devil's horsemen and subsequently conveyed to the Eastern edge of Europe, frequent proponents such as Oscar Wilde and Weird Al Yankovic have expounded upon in merits in Russia, Thailand, North Korea, China, and Rhode Island. In Soviet Russia, maritime swim YOU!

Present day[edit]

Maritime is the hotttest rage, kids (recommended solely for those aspiring to be the next Robert Ballard minus the copyright infringement). Try it out; soon ye scallawags too can taste the churning seas of Poseidon, drinking of the consuming goblet of de briny deep!

Accesories - Brought to You Just in the Nick of Maritime[edit]

Authentic watches- gold-plated, bronze, and alabaster- don't forget ruthenium! Also, you now can find a maritime for every locale, those plausible and even those ludicrous, under the heavens. (Each maritime tax-free, but no money-back guarantee! Sold separately)

Proponents of maritime have commented on its many uses, citing a few in particular

  • maritime to plant
  • maritime to water
  • maritime to nurture
  • maritime to harvest
  • maritime to solve algorithms and defy rocket scientists- comming soon!

Future Developments[edit]

Developers are currently testing several new features, which can be tested in the soon-to-be-almost-partially-released-but-not-quite-legal alpha-beta-epsilon version:

  • increased neuroipod support
  • call-in support 2.4 hours a day, 0.7 days a week, and 3.65 days a year
  • 24 hour debugging service- simply install the expansion

Note: Alternate Definition Maritime's Law [Maritime Law][edit]

Definition: During film-on/film-off time in a motion picture production, maritime law applies to all cast and extras specifically given official jurisdiction of the film production. One key way to notice Maritime Jurisdiction is to view those background, (not to be confused with Baulke), who are casted and officially briefed on the film production and are noticably intended to provide a tangible percentage of the personal background. Martime jurisdiction begins with the casted extras, and ranges right up to CGI characters, (although by trade union, these entities are governed by further jurisdictions such as artist copyright). A commonly used categorical method by film-edit laywers which was brought to the fore during some key cases in the post 2000s has been developed into full maritime law; the IQ or Intention Quotient. See the related page for full details. As a brief guide, a IQ may be either -1, 0, 1, or 2. A main cast character has an IQ of 0, a CGI character an IQ of -1, and finally a casted extra will have an IQ of 1. An IQ of 2 applies to any persons within frame of film who lie outside of maritime jurisdiction. The correct term for such entities is Baulke. Maritime’s law applies only to IQ -1, 0, and 1 entities, and thereby ends.