Mark Rosewater

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
Jump to: navigation, search

Mark Rosewater is a world-renowned artist and sitcom writer.


After graduating highschool, Rosewater started his career in television as a fluffer, before moving on to sitcoms. After writing a couple of lines for some second-rate shows. he was given his own show, which he called Roseanne. The show ran for 68 seasons, and Rosewater wrote all but two episodes.

Early Career[edit]

A sample of Mark's defining artistic style

Between 1994 and 1995 Rosewater did freelance work for Wizards of the Coast, illustrating several Magic cards. Despite being the best artist working for them, the marketing team at WotC decided that Mark's style didn't suit the product and he was forced to find other employment.


After being fired by Wizards of the Coast in 1995, Mark turned his attention to his art, producing several pieces regarded as the work of genius. Unfortunately, his success could not last. As the years went on, exposure to the dangerous chemicals Mark insisted on using (despite recommendations and laws against doing so) caused him to go slowly insane. By 2002 he was no longer living in his house but in the garden, calling himself Maro and refusing to do any more painting until someone brought him the blood of a virgin elf that he might cleanse his soul.

Back at WotC[edit]

In 2002, feeling bad for him, WotC decided to rehire him — a move that proved surprisingly successful. Rosewater was instructed to write a weekly column called "Making Magic" on, the official site of Wizards of the Coast. In these columns he talks about the process of writing a sitcom, and gives advice to up-and-coming writers. Other key subjects of his columns include Wizards of the Coast's three card designers, Timmy, Johnny, and Spike. He often writes his articles in off-the-wall or unusual styles, mostly because he's batshit insane, though this fact often goes unnoticed by the pack of drooling imbeciles who call themselves his fans.

Mark also uses his articles as a personal blog, discussing such topics as his wife, his children, family vacations, TV shows he likes and books he's read.

At times his various mental illnesses become more noticable, particularly in entries written in the midst of delusions. Such articles are often written by his alter-ego Maro, a creature that Mark believes to be half man, half tree that lives in his back garden.


In 1998, Mark attended a Magic: the Gathering tournament, uninvited, dressed as a chicken. Security was quick to remove him, and it seemed he'd learned his lesson. However, in 2004, now a Wizards employee, he showed up to an important tournament dressed as a donkey. This almost spelled the end of his career, but long-time friend Mark Gottlieb convinced his superiors to keep him on. Since then Mark has not been allowed to attend any public events without strict supervision.