Married...with Children

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
Jump to navigation Jump to search
For those without comedic tastes, the "questionable parody" of this website called Wikipedia have an article about Married...with Children.

Template:Infobox television

Married...With Children was a famous series of porno television movies that was the first of it's kind to be shown in America. In the past, only happy and feel-good family shows were seen on American TV. Married...With Children broke new ground in airing a more modern and realistic approach of what a typical American family was like. Taking on the issues of incest, purgatory, bestiality, molestation and good ole' red-blooded American family traditional love, the show ran on FUX for a total of 11 seasons between 1986 to 1997. It introduced Ted Bundy and the Bundy family in an erotic classic adventure of sex, murder and love every week to an adoring home audience.

Premises Of The Bundy's

In the fall of 1986, FUX was about to debut a new 24/7 cable-satellite-porn channel named after themselves. But to stand out from the rest of the TV stations, they knew they would need to try something different. A script was sent to them by Ted Bundy, who had an idea for someone to install cameras in his home and watch his family as they went about their day-to-day life. FUX agreed to this, and what later became known as Reality TV was born.

Soon FUX installed cameras in the Bundy household, and soon Americans by the millions were finally watching what a typical all-American family was really like. The show introduced a number of characters over time, and while some where axed pretty quickly, the regulars that Ted and the family didn't chop-up became household names over-night.

The Show Is A Hit!

The Bundy Family was just what the psychiatrist ordered for America's viewing pleasure. Each week viewers would tune-in to their favorite new television series. Critics raved about the comedy being true to real-life, and how Ted was the idol of the typical middle-class hard working serial killer. America fell in love with the Bundy's and their friends, making it the #1 show on TV by 1990. Even those up-tight knob-jockies, Siskel & Ebert, couldn't find any negative remarks to say about the super smash hit. Men, women and children everywhere could relate with the stars and the adventures they had. FUX even started receiving fan mail from potential victims just dying to get on the show!

The shows influence forced other family shows to up their game. CBS's "The Cosby Show" was forced to change Bill's lovable implausibly idyllic family stories to contain more sex and violence with a graphic decapitation thrown in every once in a while just to keep viewer interest. PMS's Full House had to change the shows entire format to include more incest, eventually renaming themselves The Aristocrats.

By mid-1988 Married... With Children had over 21 million viewers in the United States alone, and was seen in over 80 countries around the world. By late 1998, over 100 million dollars was made from product sales and video games based on the show. People even started quoting its catch-phrases, such as "Of all the mother fuckers in the world, you be my mother fucker", a saying still loved and printed on tee-shirts today.

The Stars Of The Show

Here are the stars of "Married...With Children", The entire Bundy family, their neighbors and regulars.

Ted O'Neil Albert Bundy relaxing with his loved one after a hard days work.
Ready "Big Red" Peg Leg Leela Bundy as beautiful as ever
Killy Bundy, Daddys perfect little angel
Buddy Holly "Bud" Bundy, the real fuckless wonder of America
Marcy Roadkill, the Bundy's next door neighbor, what a body she had, i'd hit it, wouldn't you?
Jefferson and Steve, The late husbands of Marcy Roadkill

Ted O'Neil Bundy

Lovable Teddy was the star of the show. He was both the husband of his wife, Ready, and father to their 3 children. Ted worked in a low-end paying job at the local Chicago suburbs 7-11 which became a running joke with the family about what a crappy way it was to make a living for someone who was able to speak English. Teddy was not the smartest man on Earth, but he was one hell of an athlete back in the day. Teddy would often tell the family stories about how he once chopped off three heads with a single blow when he was in high-school, which to this day is still the Illinois High School record for most heads chopped off in a single swing.

Ted's average day would start by not trying to wake his wife, who was quite stunning and had a cute tight-little tush that most men could only dream of. But Ted had grown bored of it after realizing how much the head attached to it talked, and soon he realized that he liked fat chicks more. And everyday Ted would be hounded by his children to give them money to get their axes sharpened, and for crime scene cleanup and body disposer supplies. The dog even needed a few bucks to take care of the body of the bitch down the street. Ted would then complain about his missus not buying him any food, and Ready would usually just complain about the high cost of the crazy shit that the family had to buy each week.

Teddy would then head back to the job he hated to work 8-to-5 serving annoying skinny super models buying slurpees. He would then return home and tell the family about what a horrible day he had having to see skimpy women's bikini-waxed legs and there hideous firm-tonned tushies. He'd then spend the evening with his hand down his pants and another on his favorite axe, and often chopped up his daughters lovers that he did not approve of, providing each episode with head-splitting hilarity.

Ready Bundy

Ready is the wife to Teddy, she is a 6'9 red-headed ex-stripper who hoped for a career in professional mud wrestling but had to give up that dream when Teddy knocked her up. She is a complete nymphomaniac and always wants Teddy to join her sorority six-sisters-of-no-fucking-mercy gang-bangs to which Teddy will try to avoid at all costs, but that will never stop Ready from always wanting her dear Teddy to ride her and rub her tush. Occasionally during the coarse of the 11 years the show was seen, Teddy would sometimes give in, and Ready's famous red-haired hairy muff would be shown to audiences. This was a huge reason for viewers to tune in, in hopes of seeing what was nicknamed, "big-read" because it looked like her vagina had tried to swallow Ronald McDonald and it couldn't digest the scalp all the way.

Killy Bundy

Killer was the daughter of Ready and Teddy. She started off as an innocent school girl in the beginning of the shows first two season, but eventually developed into Americas #1 prospect for future jail-bat. Killer, or Killy as she was nicknamed, was not very smart, she was what you would call your typical stereo-type blond, however it was proven she was not a natural blond when she revealed her personal axe-wound late in the 2nd season by giving into lust and letting the family dog eat have his first meal in weeks. Kelly would also bring home boys that her father would not approve of, Killy would say how much she was in love with these guys, and Teddy would secretly take them down to the basement & slaughter them without Killy knowing, leaving her always wondering why all her boyfriends left her without saying anything? This became another classic joke that America loved to tune in to see.

Buddy Holly "Smoke A Bud" Bundy

"Bud" was the son of Ready & Teddy and brother to "Killy". He was a short and ugly little fucker, but the Bundy with the most brains. However the rest of the family would not acknowledge his smarts because he could not kill women. His sister would always taunt him about it, saying things about dieing a virgin-women-killer, and was looked down upon by the family. Bud would often try to seduce women to his lair in the basement, but he always fumbled and blew it in the end as they escaped. It wasn't until season 10 that Bud made his first kill, but was still looked down on because he killed a She-Male hooker, which technically only half counted as a kill. Bud would often practice his techniques on blow-up dolls and mannequins, that Killy often busted in on him doing and making fun of him even further for some of Americas funniest moments seen of RTV.

Albert Bundy

Al was the 3rd son of Mrs & Mrs Bundy, he was only seen in a brief few episodes of season 7 before Teddy accidentally backed over him in the car in a sad but hilarious moment. In the brief time he spent with the family, he was known for his famous quotes such as "Heyyyyyyyyy, Mr Wilson" & "AGHHHHHHHHHHHHH" with his hands over his cheeks. He was often seen playing with the family dog or on a play date with his best friend Jack Michelson. He also had an ant farm, collected baseball cards and had a 3rd testicle.

Fuck-U Bundy

Fucka was the Bundy family dog. He was a cross between a Bulldog & a Shiatsu, but it escapes me what bread they called it...anyway, Fuck was a lazy mongrel, he used to just be seen on the staircase of the house, just laying around and sleeping with his eyes open. He was so lazy that he was never even once seen licking his own balls. The only time you would see the dog move was when he wanted a tenner off Ted to go for a monthly visit to the bitch down the street. In season 5 the dog started talking, which is kinda amazing, but he was still a lazy fuck who did nothing. Ted killed the mutt in season 8 after he pissed on the fender of Ted's beloved Dodge.

Fuck-U-2 Bundy

Fuck U-2 was the replacement dog they bought after Ted had thrown a Frisbee over a pool of boiling hot cooking oil for Fuck U-1 to catch in the Emmy Award Nominated Episode: "Hot Dogs anyone?". Fuck-U-2 was a cute little ball of white fluff that often gave the Bundy family some cookey adventures when he would escape the house and run away all covered in Killy's previous boyfriends blood. Oh the antics and memories will live on forever in the many classic scenes it would provoke. The dog died in season 11 when Bud got horny and made love to the dog, then tried to microwave him to dry him off.

Marcy Roadkill

Marcy was the neighbor of the Bundy's who was a short haired closet carpet-muncher who had a dislike to Teddy for always throwing body-parts he was throwing out into her backyard. She was best friends with Ready tho, and the two would often get into schemes and adventures together before engaging in each others sexual pleasures with Bud & Fuck-U. Marcy was very liberated, and always made sure Bud kissed her hand and respected her before he went down on her. Ted would often call her a flat-breasted-chicken because she had no tits, but Marcy and Ted did often engage in 3-way BDSM scenes with Fuck-U and his bitch that lived down the street.

Steve Erkel Roadkill

Urk was the first husband of Marcy. He was a tall, lanky, geek of a man with a 12-inch cock. He was often the boring one of the show, and was so boring that he only survived 4 years with Marcy. He was eventually caught cheating on Marcy with a girl named Laura, and had his testicles removed and placed up his rear by her for cheating on her. Steve was last seen alive on the show during the 1993 Christmas episode, "Eunice To Die" but his testicles remained in a jar seen in the background of every episode that showed the inside of Marcy's dungeon.

Jeffery Darmah

Marcy went season 5 without a husband, but by the start of season 6 she was bored of doughnut-bumping with Red, so she found herself a new husband, who was a real killer, got him shit faced drunk, and forced him to marry her. Jeffery fit right in with the Bundy family, or with Ted anyway, the two became the best of buddies and would often be seen down the local strip clubs looking for potential victims. By season 7 Jeffery had also gone off Marcy and wanted someone with breasts. Jeffery announced this by telling Marcy that she was the perfect 10.... when she should have been a 36DD. She often tried to murder Jefferson on the show, but was as dumb as a Batman villain by announcing what she was going to do, and Ted would prevent her killing his best friend. Together Ted & Jeff started up a club called "No MA'AM" which stood for "National Order of Men Against Average-sized Mammary's".

Bugs Bundy, MD

Bugs was the brother of Ted and a doctor of gynecology even tho he didn't actually have a degree, he'd always be willing to let the women pop the hood so he could take a look at it for them. He was a real little stinker when he was fed vegetables, and the rascally rabid was always seen chewing on Carrot Tops remains. He was the one on the show always getting into mischief and digging holes for himself in the situations he would get himself into, and he was very fond of the hair of the dog.

Regular Guests

King Kong Bundy, What a prankster!
Playtime was always fun when Uncle Bruce John Wayne Gacy Bundy came round

King Kong Bundy

King Kong was a regular guest on the show. He was a 100 foot tall giant gorilla that would stop over to see his cousins, Ted & Red, he'd pop over and have a cup of tea & biscuit and a quick one. He was notorious for pulling pranks on the family by ripping the roof off their house and taking a quiet dump in the entire living room. A classic episode was where Marcy placed Kongs butt in front of there garage and Jeffery drove straight into the elementary canal of Kong where he drove around looking for an exit for 12 days, before he ran out of gas and had to walk-it the rest of the way.

Bruce Wayne Gaycee

The quirky step-brother of Marcy would often drop by and act like a clown. In the first 3 seasons he made some great comic moments for the show when he forgot to use lube on Bud and woke the whole house up when he screamed. During season 4 Gaycee didn't pull these sort of pranks with Bud anymore, he had out-grown the prank, and Bruce made less frequent visits to the Bundy household.

Jason Ash Kruger Bundy

Jacko would first be seen in series 6. He was a regular member of the NO MA'AM group, often bitching about camp councilors and fireplaces. His penis was over 35 inches long and was born with 5 penis' on each hand. He amazingly never had a nickname, but he was always five-finger fun for everyone at once when he popped over for a shag.

The Black Guy

The Black Guy was Teds fellow workmate. They both had fetishes for BBW's and leaned on each other for support from the hellish job. He didn't speak much English, but he knew how to insult a skinny chick as well as Ted could. His most hilarious known moment on TV was when he molested a deaf, blind and dumb girl then broke her fingers so she couldn't squeal on him.

Skinny Momma Wanker

Wanker was the mother of Ted and Red. She was a tiny stick of a women with smaller tits then Marcy. Ted could not stand her, as she would never eat anything and was also doing aerobics, two things Ted hated. Peg refused to let Ted kill her, as she loved her dear mother. Ted would have classic comedic moments for American viewers whenever Momma would visit and Peg would want him to participate in the annual family get together cross-dressing orgy to which Ted would attempt to avoid at all costs.

Bundy Gets The Axe


In 1997 the fucks at FUX gave no warning to the shows stars when they decided they would not commission a season 12. This left the fans of Married...With Childen in disbelief that after 11 years the show would just be pulled off quicker then the time Bud jerked off to a picture of Angela Landsbury (1995 swimsuit calender pose) in that unforgettably classic scene.

Audiences where outraged the show never got a finale, but not as outraged as Ted. When FUX invaded the Bundy home in January 1998 to reclaim there cameras and equipment, Ted went on a rampage killing spree killing all members of FUX. The footage was later seen on Americas Funniest Home Videos' and won the major prize of that year. The clip was cut down to 3 hours and 12 minutes for the show, but the full 9 hour version is available on DVD from all good leading video sellers. It is also remixed into montages to shitty songs and posted all over youtube.

Many fans regard that DVD as the finale episode to the show that was never given a send off to the Bundys by FUX. It also contains bonus features of the top 100 of Killys boyfriends killed by Ted, audio commentary from Ted & Red, trailers to the next sequels and remakes Holly Weed are coming out with, and the extended lost scene from series 1 when Jabba The-Fat-Fuck Bundy came to visit.

Married... With Children The Video Game


With the wide success and popularity of the show, it was only a matter of time before video gaming company's would want to help cash-in on the series. Nintendo of America stepped in to design a game for the hit show. The game was developed for the NES and titled "Married...With Children The Video Game ©". The game was a typical side-scroller that involved players selecting between Ted, Red, Bud or Killy and completing a stage where you walked down the street dodging bats (bat birds), jumping over snakes, and punching pedestrians. You could also find items along the way that helped regain your energy and life bars. The game was as true to the series as much as any other movie/tv show based game Nintendo ever produced.

In 1991 the exact same game was released on SNES and Genises with upgraded graphics. It was the last time an official video game was made for the MWC show. There is however a few home-brew PC games made of versions of Tetris that when you complete a line it reveals a section of Fuck-U-2 licking his scrotum as a background image.

Married... With Children: The Reunion

Kelly shows daddy shes still got it!

In 2005 FUX executives got the stars of the show to come back for a TV special to have a gossip about the good old days, talk about who they have killed since they went off the air, and what they're up to these days. The show went to air on the 32nd of Neptune, 2005. Audiences where delighted to see the family is still together as strong as ever, Ted was just a bit fatter and bald, Red had shaved her muff, Killy was a Sunday-school teacher, and Bud was still a wanker. The show also caught up with Marcy who had managed to finally kill Jefferson, but in good nature of giving the fans what they want, they brought in both Jeffery & Steves corpse and propped it right up on a chair with them and later allowed them to be part of there reunion gangbang.

The footage of the reunion was broken down and added to seasons of the MWC Season 1 to 11 DVD releases but the scene where the corpse of Fuck-U-1 and Fuck-U-2 was deleted due to viewer complaints that the footage was out of focus.

Married... With Children: The Movie


Hollywood have thrown around the idea for several years now about making a movie based on the TV show. The drama behind the scenes with getting this movie financed is due to fans wanting the original cast, but Hollyweed wanting to relaunch it with fresh faces. So far 20th Centuary FUX is negotiating deals with several actors for the role.

Famous Quotes Of Ted Bundy

Ted Bundy

  • "No, Red"
  • "No, Ma'am"
  • "Lets Fuck"
  • "Eat My Shorts"
  • "It is a house, Red, it says so in the title, see.. SLAUGHTER.. HOUSE"

Cult Followings

The show was responsible for several cult followings. The first was obviously their fans following the show.

Official No Ma'ams logo
Killy let herself go after the show stopped airing, but still attracted paying cusomers.

No Ma'ams: (National Orginization of Men Against Average Mammary Size")

  • Since Ted and Jeffery founded this club in 1993, there has been over 11 people from around the world join this phenomenal cult. Some even believe it is not a cult, it is just a way of life or a religion if you will.
  • Requirements to join;
  1. You Like Big Tits, Not Small Ones.
  2. Enjoy Drinking Beer.
  3. Refuse To Have Sex With Your Skinny Wife or other members skinny wives
  4. Have Seen Debbie Does Dallas
  5. Like Football
  6. Hate Oprah
  7. Believe Micheal Jackson Did It

Killy Bundy Worshippers

  • These are large believers that one day they be granted a date with Killy by stalking her on MySpace. They leave messages begging her to marry them, or go out with them, a hand job at least, even knowing full well it may cost them there own lives if Ted ever catches them.
  • Requirements to join;
  1. Desire To See Ghostbusters III

Ready To Ride Redders

  • A group of terrorists who demand Ready Bundy be brought back to television land. Each member also makes a pact that should Ted ever die, they will kick her door down and beg her to marry them. They also have several RRR competitions posted on Youtube where they each film them selves sticking an ice cube up there anus and time it to see how long it takes to melt.
  • Requirements to join;
  1. Don't Mind Ready Only Has One Eye Now, and Purple Hair.
  2. Can swallow your own fist.

The average looking Kelly worshipper, also the bud follower, half of who chase Ready, and a L.A Clippers fan!

The Fuckless Wonders Of America

  • A small group of losers follow in the foot-steps of Bud Bundy. Unable to score a kill with a lady, and feel he is there god, cause he's the only person they see on TV who is much of a loser as they are. They worship Bud by slashing the throats of blow-up dolls and mannequins, and then having there way with them. The FWA is responsible for alarming rates of over 7 mannequins stolen from Walmarts around America each year.
  • Requirements to join;
  1. Have Never Scored A Kill With A Woman (shemales dont count)
  2. Are Prepared To Steal Your Own Mannequin
  3. Make Online Usernames That Contain The word "Stud", "Hung" or "69".
  4. Think Napoleon Dynamite Is Funny.

Massacre The Writer

  • I'm not sure what this cult is all about, all i know is its something to do with killing the guy for writing this article over how many times he has written the word "America" or "American" in this article when he is not even American himself.

See Also