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For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia think they have an article about Marty.

Marty, a green thwomp, is widely considered to be the greatest Mario character in the universe. One human, one chimpanzee, one anonymous species and one duck took a test asking who was a better Mario character, the Terminator or Marty, and Marty won unanimously. However, unlike most Mario characters, Marty actually exists in real life.

Marty's History[edit]

Marty in his only video game appearance, Mario Kart 64.

In 1991, a fan of Super Maro Bros. 3 decided to create his own Thwomp. He created a giant Thwomp replica, complete with eyes and a face, but without the spikes because he didn't have enough concrete. The Mario fan slept on top of the thwomp statue in his garage that night, but an evil plot was afoot. The Mario fan's teacher, Mr. Anderson, saw the great statue of the video game antagonist and was jealous of it, so he decided to paint it green. He, however, had no green paint, so he had to murder Oprah Winfrey's clone and use its green blood as paint. The next day, he snuck into the garage of his student and carefully painted the whale of an action figure green with the clone's blood. When he finished, he realized that he had done something terrible and crushed himself under the weight of the giant block. A few seconds later after Mr. Anderson's suicide, his student found his beloved thwomp statue green and crushing his teacher. He was able to clean the red blood of Mr. Anderson off of the bottom of his replica, but the green blood was permanent and wouldn't come off. He cried because of the green dying of his statue, causing it to come to life. The thwomp told the Mario fan that his name was Marty and crushed him under his massive weight. He then left the house and was arrested for public indecency. He was in jail for two years until he realized that he could easily free himself and everyone else in the jail from the prison, so he did so and killed the guards. The national guard was sent in and they tried to kill him, but bullets bounced off of him and he could easily escape from traps like nets and cages. He was tired of evading the government and flew high above the Pacific Ocean, so high he touched the sky. He went up until he reached the ozone layer, where he dropped down into the ocean, flooding several islands and coasts of countries in the Pacific Ocean, such as Hawaii, Japan and Finland. Marty remains underwater to this day. Nintendo of Japan realized what had happened and decided to make Marty into a Mario character.

Marty caged in Mario Kart 64.

Nintendo, however, gave Marty an entirely different history than in real life. According to Nintendo, Marty was a regular thwomp that the other thwomps made fun of for not having spikes. Because of this, he decided to be different in another way, and that way was to become a supervillain. He made himself green by covering himself with green paint and went around small towns in the Mushroom Kingdom causing havoc to prove that he was better than the other thwomps. When Bowser heard about this, he was mad because he was supposed to be the only villain in the Mushroom Kingdom, so he locked Marty in a jail cell in his castle, which was later used as a race track. One day, Mario decided to get Marty out of jail so he opened his jail cell by performing lots of complicated manuevers in Bowser's castle race track. Marty was freed and got to race with everyone. Bowser, angered by this, put Marty in a jail cell impossible to get to and left him there forever.

See also[edit]