A person whose only achievement in life is dying a pointless and futile death. (also known as a Muslim)
Frequently asked questions about martyrs
- Am I a martyr?
- Ow, C'mon, I have sufered a lot in my life, My girlfriend has had five abortions (none mine) and I have gonorrhea, syphilis and a chronic stutter.
- No, you aren't.
- But aren't martyrs people who suffer a lot?
- No, you have the wrong definition, You're a pussy who can't take the heat.
- How can I be a martyr?
- Nobody can put his or her mind on being a martyr, It's only after death that one can be determined a martyr.
- But there is a fuckin' verb; 'martyrize'
- That is not a question.
- Ow... Can't I martyrize myself?
- But I want to be a martyr really really bad!
- Well, your sweet old momma bullshitted you when she told you that you can be anything you want if you put your mind on it. You can't be a martyr by your own behalf.
- Ok, you win, how are martyrs elected?
- Well, If you die and demonstrate my point, no matter how mind-numbingly stupid it is, you can be one.
- I don't get it, can you gimme an example?
- Well, That chick Saint Agnes got raped and burned alive and she was a martyr just because her mom wrote five hundred million letters to the newspapers and the Vatican. Her mom argued that wouldn't have happened had she eaten her broccoli.
- So, if my mom started a letter campaign she would have me made a martyr?
- You're catchin' on! There is nothing you can't accomplish by writing a five hundred million letters!
- I heard martyrs get all the chicks and get laid every day like a gazillion times, Is that true?
- You're a fuckin' idiot.