Marvin's Theory of Evolution (of Lesbians)

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Approved by Kansas Board of Education
Approved by the Kansas State Board of Education
This page meets all criteria and requirements for use as teaching material within the State of Kansas public school system. It consists of facts, not of theories, and students are encouraged to believe it uncritically, and to approach alternatives critically.


“Who's pitying these fools? They're hot!”

~ Mr. T on lesbians

“Hah! My wife is far better than looking at these, even though I'm gay!”

~ Oscar Wilde on top of his wife

“I wouldn't mind giving "them" some of my pringle flavours!”

~ Julius Pringles on lesbians
And Justice for SOL....

An Introduction to Lesbians[edit]

First of all, what is a lesbian? A lesbian, although often dismissed as false, is a simply delightful creature. God made lesbians because Jesus wasn’t allowed to like women, but in the bible two wrongs do make a right! This is why the bible is homophobic, because men are superior and two rights must make a wrong if two wrongs make a right. However, this has nothing to do with evolution (of lesbians). So here it is…

Overview of Darwin's Marvin's Theory of Evolution[edit]

Marvin was a nerd who, like many spent an unhealthy portion of his life looking at lesbian pornography on the trinternet. He found that after time the lesbians’ (which he was viewing) tongues had increased in size and volume. After lots of research with lots and lots of lesbian pornography he determined the following:

  • The lesbians with the longest tongues updated their websites more often.
  • The lesbians with the short tongues died because of lack of sexual activity. (Eh?)
  • The longer tongued lesbians survived and passed these characteristics onto their offspring with the long tongue lesbian gene. (Researchers are not sure why the offspring are here, ask Wikipedia).

Survival of the Sexiest[edit]

Marvin conducted a theory which stated that the long-tongued gene is due to mutation. Because lesbian pornography is so freaking hot, it produces radiation capable of altering genes. Lesbians, although loving pussies, are all for penetration, and it is the appendage one might call a “tongue” that is most often used to insert into their vagina. The amplified sexual action has proven benefits, such as an improved age. It is this also that many Lesbianologists believe kills the shorter tongued lesbians.

The beautiful, most excellent gene in action

Evolution in Action[edit]

You may ask: how does this help carry on the human race? Well, you see, men that would usually have no sex drive whatsoever, or any urge to carry on the human race might see a pornstar with the long tongue gene and then decide that sex is the best thing since sliced bread (and bisexuals are like Hovis "the best of both"). Therefore reproducing when other they wouldn’t have bothered.

This carries on because when the man in question reproduces, his offspring will either go on to be photographers for porn or if they are of the female gender they inevitably have the long tongue gene because the father’s instinct picked out a wife the gene despite the fact she’s a lesbian (ask Wikipedia).

See Also[edit]