Masturbation is, by far, the most idiotic solo activity among people who attempt to deny doing it. Depending on who your partner is, masturbation is the cheapest, simplest form of entertainment, and has recently crippled the board games market. Masturbation usually sounds like this: "FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP". An additional "FAP" means that he/she is in fact kitten huffing. Aside from occasional references on most CBS programs, masturbation is quite hidden in terms of popular culture. The Rolling Stones' Wankwankwankwank (sung to the tune of Paint it Black), for example, is one of the few songs which references masturbation, as, quite simply, no one wants to admit it.
While we're sure you ended up here entirely by accident, you might enjoy: