Matrix (math)

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Whoops - Were you looking for Keanu Reeves anyway?

“In Soviet Russia, YOU have the Matrix!!'”

~ Carl Friedrich Gauss on Russian Reversal
Russell Crowe dumbfound by the complexity of matrices, windowpanes, and by his own reflection

Matrices are functions invented by the Architect (God) in order to maintain balance in the universe. For thousands of years, mankind has been trying to solve these equations. Among the first to attempt to solve these problems were Socrates, Pythagoras, Descartes, and Russell Crowe. These equations remained a mystery until Albert Einstein and Stephen Hawking collaborated to solve them; sadly, Hawking murdered Einstein wishing to take credit for himself. Hawking is now imprisoned in the most highly acclaimed maximum-security prison, Great Britain.

A matrix is a simulated reality. Although technically different types of things can be put into it - from humans to other matrices - for practical reasons and aesthetic most people prefer numbers in their matrices.

Matrices can be added, subtracted, and destroyed; however matrix destruction can only be accomplished by numbers who do not have more than one factor, for example, One.

Matrix order[edit]

Matrices are defined to have order m and n, where m and are numbers, m being possibly the same as n, or larger, or smaller. For practical and aesthetic reasons most people prefer m to be larger than n, as such. For future reference we present:

M. n.

Matrix addition[edit]

A matrix of order n (where n is a number 1,2,pi,4,5,...) an be added with another matrix of order m. Example:

(1 2 3 4 5 6) + (1 2 3) = (4 4 4 5 6)

In matrix addition, the order of the matrices matter; for example, letting m and n be the order of the matrices, m+n yields M&Ns, whereas n+m is prohibited.

Matrix subtraction[edit]

Matrix subtraction is not matrix addition.

(1 2 3 4 7 2) - (1 1 1) = (2 1 0 7 2)

Matrix multicomplication[edit]

A matrix can always become more complex by multicomplicating it with either a real number (1,2,...10), a complex number (larger than 10) or even another matrix. If a,b,c (etc) are numbers and A is a real constant, then:

A * (a b c) = (A*a A*(a+b) A*(a+b+c)) - B, where B is (pi) - A, which is equal to ((A*a) A*(a+b) A*(a+b+c)-(pi-A)).

Multicomplicated with another matrix; we obtain

(a b c)(d e f) = (a b c d e f f e d c b a)

most notably; it is obvious that (c h e w)(b a c c a) - (a c c a b w e h c) = (c h e w b a c c a)

Matrix transposition[edit]

Any matrix of order n (where n is a letter, obviously) can be transposed. If A is a matrix, then AT is the transposed version of the matrix, ATT is the transposed version of the transposed version of the matrix, etc. Example:

A = (a d z) gives us AT = (a d z z d a)

Obviously, this gives A*A = AT and AT*AT = ATT, etc.

Matrix inverse[edit]

Any matrix A has an inverse AI such that A * AI = E, where E = (1 0 0 0 0 0 ... n), where n is the letter of the order. Don't ask me, I'm just following orders. Example:

If A = (1 0 0) then AI = (0 0 0) because A * AI = (1 0 0 0 0 0). Don't ask me where the dots and the letter n went.

Practical applications[edit]

  • The practical applications of this type of math is left to the reader to evaluate as an exercise.
  • Solving matrices at parties is the best way to get that date with the hot blonde in the corner
  • Contrary to what you might think, they have nothing to do with Keanu Reeves


As mentioned by the wise George Bush on many ocasions, 'Maths is hard, and it will continue to annoy future generations to come.'