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“What is matter? Never mind. What is mind? Doesn't matter.”

~ Oscar Wilde on matter

“Today, a young man on acid realized that all matter is merely energy condensed to a slow vibration… that we are all one consciousness experiencing itself subjectively. There is no such thing as death - life is only a dream, and we're the imagination of ourselves.”

~ Bill Hicks on matter

What is Matter?[edit]

Matter is everything that isn't energy, space, antimatter, dark matter, promatter, doesntmatter, or a force. To laypeople, it is simply known as "stuff".

Ancient Theory[edit]

Originally, people believed that all matter was made up of the five basic elements: Water, Earth, Fire, Quail and Air.

Modern Theory[edit]

The modern theory has taken all of the fun out of things. There's particles and electrons and neutrons and atoms... it's all very tiring and overly scientific. The good thing about this is that it has allowed scientists to make things up completely without fear of being questioned, which allows them to spend their grant money on beer and hookers.

The Latest Theory[edit]

New evidence suggests that all of matter is really made up of little green people who live inside these little round spheres, (habitats). When a little green person likes another one they stick together. If you apply too much energy then the little green people come apart or run away (solid to liquid to gas). This brings back the excitement of the Ancient theory, without cluttering up the place with all those different elements. Truly, science is a wonderful thing.
Last week, the discovery of a 15th state of matter was published. Commonly known as the Badgeron.

See Also[edit]