Mayhem

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Mayhem is a four member white pop band from Norway, and has been considered the most successful white pop band ever conceived.

History[edit]

Originally formed by Odin and the Fine Young Cannibals in the year 9, the band played at a few local gigs (the most famous being the one at Stonehenge) until a breakup in the year 11. The band reformed in the year 666 with entirely new members. It is believed that the two are separate bands entirely, but this was disproved by Oscar Wilde in the year 669, after the success of their first commercial album "Jesus Is My Homeboy", which was a huge hit on the radio and in the mainstream and was noted for selling more than 1.5 total copies worldwide (the half comes from someone who accidentally bought a bad copy that had only half the CD in the case).

The band released their second album in 1001, entitled I Love God and Jesus is my savior. The album was an even bigger success, and the songs Don't Be Silly, Wrap Your Willy!, "God and me have anal" and, "I do not kill people" " I do not burn chruches" ,was huge successes, especially among liberal southern Christians, with its message of love, peace, and protected sex.

Success[edit]

After a few years of further success in the mainstream, the band released a new EP in 1001.1, entitled "Fluffy Kittens", which had a slightly different sound thanks to the introduction of a sexaphonist. The EP is considered to have been the greatest white pop EP of all time, and possibly the greatest EP of all time alltogether. Hit songs from it include "The Trojan Broke - Abortion Part 1" which again speaks of the horrors of unprotected sex and abortion, and "Skool is Kool", a song promoting keeping up good grades. However, "Skool is Kool" quickly lost mainstream success after fans of the band and the band itself what "Muff" meant. It was used in the 9999999999999999th line of the song, "It was such a pretty muff, all full of nice fluff!" Another song was removed from the album for accidental sexual slang, "Don't Cry", which contained the line "Ride the bone, don't be alone!"

Despite the issues with accidental sexual slang, Mayhem remained a very popular white pop band for many years. They then took a break and went on hiatus for a minute, then released their newest and soon to be final album in 1970 entitled "White Pop Makes Me Feel Good!". Including the use of a sexaphonist, the album was even better than their previous EP, and the hit single "BLOOP!" stayed on top of the radio charts for almost four thousand years.

New Mayhem[edit]

The band would meet a sad and sudden end, however. In the year 1978, a group of people from Norway who also called themselves "Mayhem" trapped the white pop band Mayhem in an old church in Norway and burned it down, killing the band. Mayhem then went on to form together a black metal band of the same name, while also burning down churches the first Mayhem had played in, along with special "Mayhem: White Pop" edition bibles. The new Mayhem would continue to play for some time until their breakup in 2666. The new Mayhem was nowhere near as popular as the original, but had always maintained a highly devout cult following, despite being popular with Charles Darwin and Kiaran Mixonion, (king of Norway.)

The original Mayhem has won over 99 awards over the years, and each one of its albums and EPs have achieved Uranium status in the world. The band has sold more than 3.0005834 albums, EPs, and Singles. And it's band members never killed each other ever. That would be preposterous!

Discography[edit]

  • Pure Fucking Christmas- 1812
  • Jesus Is My Homeboy - 669
  • I Love God's White Earth - 1001
  • Night of Black Hearts(EP) - 1010
  • A tribute to the White Emperors(Bootleg) - 1337
  • De Misteries Dom Jesus - 1777
  • Sports (1989)
  • Live in Lip sync - 1990
  • Out from the light(EP) - 1892
  • Trojan Horse (EP) - 1001.1
  • White Pop Makes Me Feel Good! - 1970
  • What Would Jesus Do?! - The Apocalypse
  • Freezing Rosary Beads - 1985
  • Thug Life (Split w/ P Masta P)- 2007
  • Ordo Ad Order - 2007
  • Ordo Ad R3mix - ????
  • iMammia Mia! (Split with ABBA - 2020

Controversy[edit]

Maniac, who was once the lead singer of Mayhem, was found to be a closet case homosexual, after being caught in bed with Kvarforth of the band Shining,which resulted in his immediate departure from the band. He tried turning Mayhem from "Kvlt" to "Gay" with such songs as "The Thugz Life" featuring Eminem and Dre. He is now in the band Avenged Sevenfold.

Per Yngve "Dead" Ohlin (the vocalist of Mayhem before he became a devout Catholic and embraced voluntarily martyrdom) is said to have been a bit of a nutter. In his quest to learn to rap perfectly, he rolled his tongue rather badly, leading to a sore tongue, after which he was forced to discontinue using his tongue in his vocals and rely entirely on his throat. Also, he was known to smell a bunch of pretty exotic flowers before concert, quoting it put him into the peaceful happy fun state of mind so neccessary to perform hola dancing that accompanied his singing. Apocryphal claims that he patted random stray kitties after successful concerts are unconfirmed, though not entirely without truth.

See Also[edit]