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“Is Mayonnaise an instrument?”

~ Patrick Star on Mayonnaise

“You can't see me!”

~ John Cena on Mayonnaise, the one that wrestles every Monday night on Raw

“You're gonna gargle mayonnaise!”

~ Jack Black on his bandmate's fate should they lose the Rockoff

Sub-Atomic Gastrophysics[edit]

Mayonnaise is a kind of flavoured glue, capable of binding together sub-atomic Flavons into entirely new flavours. Flavons are the elementary paricles of taste, and include Marmons, the basic particle of yeastiness, Mayons, which compose mayonnaise, and Soy Sauce which is the essence of Tastiness. Tahini is composed of a field of anti-matter and therefore appears as a flavourless coating of intense dry 'something' in the mouth of the ingester. butter is for loosers

Vertical Polarisation of Flavons[edit]

The elemental particles of flavour are ically polarised i.e., a sandwich composed of layers of ingredients will taste different if held upside-down (e.g. a jelly and peanut butter sandwich is obviously different from a peanut butter and jelly sandwich).

A Theory of Flavour Spectra[edit]

It is suggested in some scientific journals of Gastrophysics that there may be a spectrum of flavours with contrasting and complementary flavours. This may be useful in predicting new taste combinations, and explaining why beer and cheese go so well together and yet beer and pickles don't.


Marzipan is important for its flavon-damping properties. Much as lead shielding is used in an atomic pile, marzipan sheets may be placed in a sandwich in order to prevent a flavon overload. cf: the infamous Christmas sandwich of 1983, in which the Brussels sprouts reacted adversely with the brandy butter and were only prevented from implosion by the presence of tahini.

Also the girlfriend of Homestar Runner.

The Legend of the Dark Mayonnaise[edit]

This legend comes from the visions that the monks of China received while observing mayonnaise to discover the truth about sins and evil. They then discovered that the mayonnaise was then consumed by darkness. Until the year 2005 when humans discovered the legendary jar containing it the mayonnaise was apparently sent by aliens. They then discovered it was actually currupted by an ancient entity known as The Mystic Mould.

Foley Artistry[edit]

A jar of mayonnaise, not to be confused with currancy of some third world nations, is the preferred method of producing the sound of a necrophiliac at play. The Foley Artist opens up a fresh jar of Mayonnaise and fists the contents, producing the right level of rotting-body-plunging ambience.

The Mayonnaise Clinic[edit]

The world's first hospital made out of condiments. The hospital starred in the movie "Airplane". Patrick Star now works with medical instruments here.

Mayo Man[edit]

Some rumours have been heard around that a giant Mayonnaise Man has been running rampant throughout major cities in the United States of Abearica. He is described as a white, creamy, intelligent substance, and is considered armed and dangerous. You should not approach the Mayonnaise Man if you catch site of him. He also has no butt.

Karl Marx creating mayonnaise[edit]

In 1925, Karl Marx created mayonnaise for McDonald's. He was trying to make Butter for McDonald's pancakes, however ended up with world famous mayonnaise. Today, that mayonnaise is the secret ingredient in McDonald's brand Barbeque sauce. It is what makes barbeque sauce a lighter brown color.

See also[edit]