McDonald's made me fat lawsuits

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“Hey, a dollar's a dollar.”

~ Lawyer on frivolous lawsuits
An example of a person from the "second group of people", drinking a diet soda. Psh, like that's gonna help.

When McDonald's was first started, nobody knew how people got fat. There was no connection between eating too much fatty food and being overweight. The US Government had created nutritional guidelines of "you can't eat too much food" which some took to say that one should not eat too much food, while others took it to say that they can eat as much food as they want and not worry about it. The first group of people became anorexic and bulimic on a diet that included one lettuce leaf a day with one glass of water, and the second group became obese with a diet of 12 Big Macs, 10 large French fries, 13 chicken nuggets, 4 milk shakes, and a diet soda a day.

Suddenly, a Lawyer who had decided to stop chasing ambulances for a while took a look at McDonald's menu and saw the connection between people who ate McDonald's food and becoming fat. He then saw that people who are fat have more medical bills. Then dollar signs flashed in his eyes, and he formed the first "McDonald's made me fat" lawsuit.

McDonald's was upset; they claim to make good quality food at a reasonable price. How can a 99-cent Big Mac cause a heart attack? They contacted their law firm Dewey Cheatham and Howe and Howie Dewey, Icabod Cheatham, and Rebecca Howe themselves had found the best defence based on their old tobacco defence. They did a study using New science and explained it with New Math to show that the fault of becoming fat and thus sick, was not the fault of McDonald's which made fatty food, but instead it was the fault of the victims who ate too much fatty McDonald's food. They claimed, that this overeating is what is causing the obesity and health problems.

“But I can't Stop Eating here! I live here!”

~ The Fat Man on eating at McDonalds

Well this was good enough for Judge Whopper of the Food Court, who dismissed the case and ordered the obese people to take responsibility for their lives.

Ronald McDonald rejoiced, and was free to sell as much fatty food as he wished, without taking any responsibility for the health problems it caused by overeating. He wasn't even ordered to issue warning signs that eating too many Big Macs can cause someone to become fat.

Not satisfied enough, the case went to the Supreme Court, under the supervision of Judge Jack-In-The-Box, a special guest judge, where it was postponed until yet another study was conducted with one group eating Big Macs, and the control group instead of eating would be doing Kitten Huffing. The results of this test will help decide the case.

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