Meatballists

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
Jump to: navigation, search

January 17, 2020 at 13:28

Meatballist and Sauceist symbology.

The Meatballists were a faction of the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster who broke from the church in 1510 under St. Alfred of Parma. St. Alfred had started a new branch of the church (the Reformed Church of Alfredo) after Chef Boyardee introduced sauce into the Holy Noodle Ceremony, an act later known as the Heresy of Marinara. Chef Boyardee countered the Meatballists by forming a private army known as the Sauceists. The Meatballists could be identified by the large brown meatball worn on their armor, while the Sauceists could be identified by a tear-drop shaped blop of marinara sauce. In 1518 the groups engaged in a long battle known as the War of the Noodles.

Meatballists clash with Sauceists.

The Meatballists created a rich and spicy culture around their object of affection. The Swedish meatball was introduced by the Duke of Bork Bork Bork, while the more traditional Italian meatball was introduced by the Duke Duke Duke of Earl. Other attempted meatballs such as Stroganoff and Sweet and Sour were considered heresey, and were usually made foder for the trebuchets. Another important meatballist innovation was that of the flattened meatball, which translates into German as Hamburger.

The culture of the meatballists has been handed down from generation to generation, and has had a profound effect on the fast food industry, where uniformed workers hand out flatten meatballs much as they did in Medieval times. Scottish Meatballists were quite fond of paper hats and hairnets, as can be seen in the modern-day stores of McDonald's descendants.

While the Meatballists were always aligned with the Ninjas, and the Saucesists with the Pirates, it should be noted that the Pirates were also devoted to the flattened meatball, as can be seen today in their francise Hardees.