Mecha-Jesus

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The offspring of God being royally pissed at talletubies for being too damn fat, Mecha-Jesus went against his original Holy Programming and attempted to conquer the world using email spam, mail ads, and explosive-filled Mr. Potatoes. His arch nemesis Jesus was the only one not controlled by his amazing assault, however, and challenged Mecha-Jesus to a duel, which was afterwards referred to only as the the Battle of Jesus Vs. Mecha-Jesus. Mecha-Jesus was defeated and forced to flee to otaku forums, where he was consumed by the Role players until he was stabbed by a +9 holy damage sword in a vicous conflict about whether Ash or Pikachu would win in a fight. Afterwards, his spirit was dumped and deleted, and his current whereabouts are assumed to be in Hell(Canada).


The Wars and Creations of Mecha-Jesus[edit]

Education[edit]

Mecha-Jesus was responsible for the creation English, Dutch, French, and Spanish. He also invented bad gramerr and whereas Jesus then created schools and which were shortly filled with there one fault: Children, which were palced there by Mecha Jesus. This resulted in Jesus creating teachers, who defeated all children. To combat this Mecha-Jesus created bad behaviour, which pissed the teachers off and made them vulnerable. Jesus gave up on this front.

WINNER: MECHA-JESUS


Music[edit]

Jesus created Jazz, which was shortly destroyed by Mr. T, who saw it unfit to exist. Then Mecha-Jesus created the dreaded Weird Al, who destroyed the internal organs of millions with his multiple voices and abilities to multitask and such nonsense. To counter this, Jesus created Jonny Cash, who gave cash to all the white men, making them happy. Mecha-Jesus used this to create racism, which quickly led to the rebirth of Jazz, and the creation of the enormous behemoth known as oprah. Oprahs creation, in turn, created Martha Stewart. Later on, a disciple of Mecha-Jesus created Death Metal, which required that he build massive several-hundred foot high storage facilities in which to keep the metal involved with the music. When this was all emptied out, the buildings became the home of the dreaded cubicle and telephone companies, which created bad tv ads, which made poeples eyes bleed, which was voted by the Jesus committee to be a bad thing. Therefore, Jesus burned these buildings by using his super strength to hurl airplanes at them. This led to the creation of the happiest national holiday, 9/11, in which people pretend to cry while waiting for their president to die.

WINNER: JESUS


Women[edit]

When Jesus got bored of waiting for his microwave to cook his food he created women. He instantly filed this as mistake, as they take ten times as long to cook even the most basic food, and cursed free men everywhere to having to spend their lives wearing earplugs. Women were ignorant at first, but they began to spawn more and more, and soon they had created beings like lisa gibbons and feminist lesbian bitches. Mecha-Jesus chose to ally with Jesus in order to defeat wowmen by pitting their two greatest idols, Oprah and Martha Stewart against each other. This resulted in the cataclysmic battle of Winfrey Vs. Stewart, which destroyed all womens self respect and brought an end to the women war.

WINNER: MEN, BITCH!


The T Wars[edit]

In the beginning, there was Mr. T, and then Jesus, then The Fonz, and finally Mecha-Jesus. Mecha-Jesus one day decided, while watching Good Times, to go kill Mr. T to increase his influence. To do this, he executed three children, and when Mr. T came to stop him and end world hunger using the GNAA, he was caught by Chuck Norris, who piled silver and platinum on him until he finally couldnt take the inferior metals and passed out. Jesus and The Fonz preformed a fusion and became Fonzus to defeat chuck, and when he was defeated and force to work on the television in order to hide his shame, they freed Mr. T. Then Mr. T pitied them and Mecha-Jesus and went back to live in the magical van in the sky.

WINNER: JESUS AND FONZ


The Disciples of Mecha-Jesus[edit]

Mehca-jesus had 13 disciples: Mr. Potatohead, Darth Hitler, George Cluny, Chuck E. Cheese, Donald Trump, Chuck Norris, Hobo Bill, Hobo bob, Hobo Jim, Frank the Shaft, P. Diddy, Paris Hilton, and a cucumber. He used this number to laugh at Jesus for only having twelve, and then went to his clubhouse to tell scary ghost stories to people over the radio.

WINNER: WAS IT REALLY A CONFLICT? NO!