Melinda Doolittle

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Melinda Doolittle is a 2,389 year old blacksmith's wife who is the current frontrunner on the season Se7en (Six, actually) of American Idol. Her stunning rendition of the classic "I'm a Woman" caused uproar, as we had all been under the opposite impression.

Melinda at her original American Idol audition, looking lovely!

Roots[edit]

Melinda Doolittle was born in 382 B.C. to Dr. Doolittle, a mental patient in the loony bin for speaking to animals, and Laura Doolittle, although it has been theorized that Dr. Doolittle reproduced by budding, in the outer reaches of Budapest, Mongoria.

She went to the Young Girls School For Old Guys in Bangor, India all of her life, where she graduated with honors in Lesbian Felching and War, but dishonors in Fashion and in Life.

Personal Life[edit]

She has never had a boyfriend or gone on a date. Some hypothesize it's because she looks like shit.

In a 1927 interview with the Advocate, Melinda was quoted as saying "I remember one springtime. The Saragas flowers had just come into bloom, I've always found them so beautiful... Anyway, I've had sex with loads of girls. Literally... my father, Dr. Doolittle, would often get a wheelbarrow, and go down to the local graveyard and come back with scores of them! And guess what! I scored with them! *giggle* No, but, really, that's why my father was comitted. Does that answer your question?"

To which the interviewer's reply was "I asked you your favorite color."

Her actual race has been the light of recent debate, as her father, being from Mongolia, is white, as most Mongolians are, as is her mother. In a rare interview, Melinda's mother revealed that Melinda was born as a white man, named Dudley Do Right, but her father wanted her to fit in so she could reap the riches of Africa, so he gave her atleat 9 extensive plastic surgeries. When Dr. Doolittle became enraged when he found out what a poor shithole Africa is, and in 1917, killed Melinda's mother, leading to his incarceration.

In her free time, Melinda enjoys doing the robot, doing the robot, and doing the robot.

She was banned from the Transsexual Beauty Pageant after people.. saw her.