Mental Retardation

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A doctor showing the levels of mental retardation

In addition to being an affliction You most likely have, Mental Retardation is a state of the mind where the instict looses it's dominant position over logical thinking. Theologians have argued that retardation is proof that God exists and wants us to be entertained.


People suffering from Mental Retardation can be best discovered by dropping them in a Chat Room, preferably an AOL one. If the person in question starts typing all in CAPS and starts making random spelling mistakes, you can be sure he (or she, see Women for more info on this phenomenon) is suffering from Mental Retardation: it's a Mental Retard, or simply Retard.

For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article very remotely related to Mental retardation.

Other symptoms might be acting Cool instead of 1337, pretending you are some popular person (see OSCAR WILDE), or suddenly falling over in a Supermarket. If more than one of the said symptoms can be seen, the chances of mental retardation are higher.

Symptoms = The Ceiling Cats[edit]

Someone who suffers from "mental retardation" makes cat noises and refer to their god "The Ceiling Cat of Catianity". If you cross someone with mental retardation, even on msn, and even if you are a pyromaniac, they will quickly dismiss you with the following phrase "Ceiling cat is watching you masturbate". Legend has it that this symptom of mental retardation was spurred when a certain someone suffering from mental retardation decided to employ an 8 foot Christmas tree in their house. Later he realized that their ceiling isn't high enough. A quick and effective solution to this problem was to get a new Christmas tree but no, he drilled a hole in his ceiling to try and fit the tree in. When questioned on this strange act of retardation he replied "it seemed like a good idea at the time". To his great horror he found that a strain of ceiling cats were looking out of the hole at his most private moments. That is the story of how ceiling cats became a symptom of mental retardation


Sometimes it is best to just slap our retard friends in the back of the head with something heavy...perhaps a frying pan or bowling ball (note: this may kill them...MAY. If it does run the fuck away from there because then it will be Resident Evil: Infection in real life.)


In the 1890's the National Association for the Advancement of Short Bus Retards was established, during which time "retard" was the correct medical term for being retarded. Due to pressure from people who like calling words insulting and making up new ones, the organization was changed to the National Association for the Advancement of Short Bus "Riders".


In 2009, Nuclear Annihilation of Retarded Fucks was formed because the idiot behind the counter at the store didn't seem to get the concept that some people don't need their food microwaved because there's a microwave at the place they're taking the food to.

Forms of Mental Retardations[edit]

In the early 60s, the scientists thought that mental retardations were transmitted by black people, but they later found out that they were wrong. There are the real forms.

  • Spit Dribbling: This form is the fact that you unconsciously spit on people you see because you always have spit dribbling around your mouth. You can get that disease by having avian flu. If a bird craps on you, you can get that flu. If you got Spit Dribbling at birth, it is because that your mom ate some raw chicken or bird crap during her pregnancy.
  • Trisomy: This is a terrible disease that makes you look and act like a monkey. The only way to get that disease is when one of your biological parents is a monkey and the other one is a monkey.
  • Childhood: This is the mildest form of Mental Retardation that only involves you to do a few stupid things. The cure of that disease is when you reach the age of 30. The level of this retardation is increasing every year.
  • Early Baldness: This is what Caillou has (either that or cancer.). If you are naturally bald at 4 and you never had hair before, this means you are as intelligent as a rock. This extremely harms your brain, all your organs become grey (Including the genitals), your blood, and all other bodily secretions. People suffering of Early Baldness are very stupid.
  • Virginity: If you are still virgin at 50 years old, you will go insane and try to have a sexual intercourse with the first person you see as quick as possible. Your muscles will get 100 times bigger and harder so you can master your victim. You will get cured from that disease when you will aggress a million people. Most of scientists think that the Incredible Hulk has this disease.
  • Down's Syndrome: Arguably, this is the best form of retardation you can have. That guy who played Corky on Life Goes On had Down's Syndrome, and since he was a famous actor you know he got all kinds of good pussy, including from that hot Irish chick when he guest-starred on Touched By An Angel. Not everyone with Down's Syndrome is as smart as Corky, but penis size and sexual prowess increase with severity of the mental retardation, so you will still get lots of pussy from hot freaky chicks even if you're not an actor.