WARNING: This article has a lot of computer humour. If you don't understand it,
you aren't a geek press Alt+F4 to optimize it.
WARNING: A lot of this article seems to have been written in English. This adds to the hilarity.
- 1 Messenger nicks
- 1.1 Poets
- 1.2 Political agitators
- 1.3 Whose wants attention at any price
- 1.4 Conceited people
- 1.5 Too social people
- 1.6 Strange symbols or colour nicks
- 1.7 I'm stupid, admire me!
- 1.8 Descriptive or busy
- 1.9 Musical
- 1.10 Outdated
- 1.11 Minimalists
- 1.12 Salespeople
- 1.13 Whose ask or advertise by boredom
- 1.14 ASCII Heroes
- 1.15 Null originality
- 1.16 News people
- 1.17 Who didn't discover how it works
- 1.18 Who use it as a diary or future notebook
- 1.19 Cryptics
- 1.20 Phrasers
- 1.21 Who've fallen into Cupid's nets
- 1.22 Subnormal people
- 1.23 Initialists
- 1.24 Artificial Engrish Speakers
- 2 Notice
The users of this category steal sentences or phrases (even entire poems) from famous poets in the best cases, in many cases, read from the Internet and stolen by the "copy-paste" technique or by their own invention. They mark their comments with unintelligible phrases like:
- "My agonizing sighs cry for your soul because you have gone away to an island ".
Others even don't rhyme:
- "Roses are red, violets are blue, wassup pals? I'm back".
Those new Shakespeares of the digital era should collect all of their phrases in a book and try to sell it. It's possible to make them desist of their attempt of becoming great poets by insinuations like:
- "For a clean Messenger remove all the poets".
Their critic and rebel spirit impels them to write atrocities like:
- "til biktory alwayz"
- "da anahrkee libes"
- "lets deztroi da konserveetz"
- "--Nasi puncks fuk off--"
- "fUk bNl!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
There are righties too:
- "I used to shoot all the socialists, natives and revolutionary people"
- "God bless America!"
- "The pope lives"
Those people are simply bored and want to talk with someone else.
Some people like to parody their contacts using inverse social engineering:
Whose wants attention at any price
These people writes prases like:
- "I feel a great pain in... my heart"
- "I'm satanic and only the devil loves me"
To make their friends ask quiestions like "Why this nick?" "Is it true?" and besides, have a conversation topic.
With phrases like:
- "Lucy, that day was wonderful, you are like a wolf!"
Now everyone will know that was wonderful what happened with this guy. We don't know if Lucy (if she really exists) will take gracefully the fact that now everyone knows about her sexual abilities, but well.
Others don’t give names and write simply:
- "I'm crazy for you darling"
It's a hidden attempt to make someone say "Tell me what happened" and increase their personal self-esteem.
Some are the "Conceited party goers" with nicks like:
- "EXTRAORDINARY THAT NIGHT WITH THE FOREIGN WOMEN IN THE IBIZA CLUB"
- "FrAnKie,LoUiE,JuLiUs,HoWeE,jOaN,MaNu,RicKy,ReMy,mIkE,LeO,NikKo,aNdY, ILUVYA LOTS! (L) sOo HaNsoMe MEEEEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
- "VrY HndSoMe, n0t MaRy?//WhAt a ShIt ILUVYA [email protected]!! IndY,(k)-lUzY,SalLy,vIkI,fRIENds FoReVer!
- "john,michael,roxy,barbee,nika,mattthew,celest,ramon,paul,carl,franky,ilkeya pals"
- "dA BeSt: LiOnEl,aNniE,pAuL,GaaBeE,tOmMy,jOhN,lOrReE,pAuLa,ClAuDiA"
Dedicates their nicks to all their friends or, at least, to five of them.
Strange symbols or colour nicks
Those who didn't install Messenger Plus Live see the category of strange symbols. They see their friends nicks filled with lots and lots of strange symbols that impel them into thinking that's the fashion:
After installing that additional program, they discover that those strange symbols that used two screens simply meant:
Or something shorter. This category becomes into the colour nicks category.
I'm stupid, admire me!
They're teenagers that are twelve to sixteen years old, that believe that pretending to be idiots or watching stupid shows they'll become popular. Unfortunately we discovered that these tactics works and those people are admired by their peers.
- "the last episode of Dora the explorer was great"
- "grace was incredible in the reality"
Others name themselves as idiots:
- "PrEtTy IdIoT"
Descriptive or busy
- "Taking the dog"
- "Eating loin with potatoes"
- "Cleaning the room"
- "Doing poo in the restroom"
- "Jackin' it"
Really incredible the ability of being in many places at once those people have. Comparable with their longing to find someone to talk with, even if the topic is the annoyance they cause. We can sink them in the misery with these nicks:
- "Touching my ear without somebody to talk"
- "Watching the ceiling"
- "Wetting a cookie in a large, crystal glass filled with chocolate milk while I chat Messenger and watch TV without having something better to do".
If you want an easier method, only tell them that you don't care that much about the things they do.
They always have "on" the music they're listening to. This practice gives us an idea about their musical preferences and their artistic tastes. They are divided in three types:
- General junk, sponsored by the record companies that know the mob preferences:
- "Listening to Daddy Yankee"
- "Listening to the last Britney's compilation"
- Elitist. Trying to awake us from the commercial claws:
- "Plays Mozart - Serenade n 9 in bigger D KV 320 - I. Adagio Maestoso-Allegro con Spirito"
- "Listening to something good: Creedence Clearwater Revival | Bayou Country: Graveyard Train"
- Bizarre or chaotic: As soon as he's or she's ends listening to Chopin, they start to listen to Gory Extreme Death Metal or 50 Cent's "sex songs". We ask ourselves if they have many personalities or they're just trying to get attention.
- Progers fall in this category.
These nicks offer additional information:
- The users seldom connects.
- They forgot how to change their nick.
- That was the moment when they deleted and/or blocked you.
fuck this fucking shit
A rare kind. Unfortunately they aren't usual. If you see someone with a plain...
...in their nickname, you're beholding a rare phenomenon only comparable with a boreal aurora or a rare abyssal fish. But they could disappoint you if they connect for the first time and five minutes later they write something retarded.
It could be, though not very probable, that the contact is a adult or aged, that doesn't have nick-retardedness and just writes his or her first name.
And it could be also that the person is one of the few that reads, and writes the name in the upper text box and the personal message in the lower, where it belongs.
- Some stories can't be told in words. Some legends are meant to die. Some bloodlines must come to an end.
A minimalist variant. Instead of writing his/her real name, uses the name of his/her favorite videogame/movie/anime series character:
- Kael [Warcraft]
- Leonidas 
- Kenshin Himura [Samurai X]
- Kratos [God of War]
- Anthony [Tibia]
They are usually together with something slightly geeky in the personal message (a website, blog...) and a normal message, like a comment.
Other species are the people whose try to sell you anything and sometimes, even ignore the kind of junk they're selling.
- 16 MB RAM Memory for PC (they told me that it works great with Windows Vista) US$100.
- Do you want to go to a very cool concert????? I have extra tickets for The Rasmus concert. They're cheep and in a good place!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
- I sell cibercam for cibersex. It's HD, so even your bugs will be seen!!!
- Dear Housewife, I'm selling 5 gallons of Mister Clean by US$5 !!!!!!!!!!
- Hot Dawgs!!! Buy your Hot Dauwgs here!!!!
Whose ask or advertise by boredom
- Do someone knows when Madonna will sing tomorrow in the local stadium?
- I just updated my blog, come in! :$ [also “post me”, “visit it” etc.].
- Who already finished the biology homework?
- I went to the Mini-Mart I'll be back in 5 minutes don't miss me [who will miss you in a 50 contacts list, idiot?]
- It's blue with da grrrls :)(A).
- Cool Marino's Touchdown YYYYYYEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!
- I sell a 2 GB iPod almost new with a very teensy little fracture in da screen by US$50 call me.
They have the fact of connecting and disconnecting at least fifteen, and as much forty times to announce (even if nobody else cares) or ask for something, until their contacts gets tired of them and blocks or delete them.
With nicks filled of lots of ASCII symbols that are R£VuLZ!vө.
- " @.2•$/ªNnIө\•$7MaRµ tHeRe iS A HuRrIkAnE wInD nOt?haha/MaRµ n' SuSiE->MAMA4EVER and MAMAMAMA tB\XpUnGeSuSiE-SqUaRePaNtS xD!!!yOr wAtEr AFeCtS xD/PS and CS=PC "
- ––––•(-••÷±‡±(¯`•._) **-_=!)!TH!\!()[email protected]_** (¯`•._)±‡±÷•-)•––––
- ₪₪₪(¯`v´¯)₪₪₪ » ₪₪₪₪₪₪ ● Let Me Hold YoU. . Let Me LoVe YoU ₪₪₪(¯`v´¯)₪₪₪ » ₪₪₪₪₪₪
In this category are the superfluous people.
- "So are you good?"
- "Oh! That smarts!"
They use outworn phrases; the worst is when they combine many phrases in one.
- "Real Madrid 3- Albacete 2. Zidane made a great goal!"
- "Hijacked Airplane in Japan"
- "There's a guy outside stabbing someone. I'll update you on if he dies later"
Who needs CNN with friends like these.
Who didn't discover how it works
- "Frankie, bring me the CD's when you come to my house please"
They'll be surprised when discover that they can write the messages directly without using their nick like a message board. But maybe they know this already and their only intention is to inform everyone about their activities.
The second reason for this is when their internet connetion is very low and messages fail to send.
Who use it as a diary or future notebook
- "I'm feEling soO bAd"
- "soOPerpaRtY @ SuSiEs hOusE ThIs FrIdAy"
- "StUDY tRaVeL to CaNaDA"
- "NeeD 2 by cheese 4 mi mumz"
Need for announce... because they are in their best moment. Besides, they usually have a counter for their birthday because nobody will remember it, and this could be a disorder for their inner self. So by writing their birthday, people simply will congratulate them for doing it right. And the person will feel filled with FRIENDs!!
In this example, the girl says even two times how many days are left for her birthday:
- Susie: The countdown begins, I'll be 20 years old and I'm still single. Will I celebrate a birthday with a boyfriend? 7 days left.
- Ha ha ha only 7 days left.
They try to look interesting using nicks that have a strong need to be explained. This kind is based in foreign characters; mainly Japanese in hiragana, katakana and even a virtuous dares with kanjis. There's someone who goes beyond, show his hacker skills and writes in 1337.
- "堕落天使" (Calamity Angel)
- ""ガブリエル" (Gabriel)
- "|º|-|33|2 |\/|41 1337 5|<1|_|_2" (Pheer mai leet skillz -> Fear my elite skills)
- "LL' DD" (Little and silly David)
They use phrases of big thinkers of History to show their deep introspection and their incomparable reflexive ability. We can find anonymous or signed sentences.
- "The physiologic adjoining enables a preset disharmony"
- "Louis: The philosophy is a soul's quiet dialog with itself about the being (Plato)"
- "The happiness is usually where you find it, rarely where you search it! (J. PETIT SENN).
- "The life is a sh*t (Gothic)"
- "In the future I will be cited in every Uncyclopedia article (Oscar Wilde)"
- "Ah the humanity. I'm not me. (Homulus Tebius Tebi)"
Who've fallen into Cupid's nets
Normally, those above dedicate their entire nick to show to their mate how much they love him by a strange reason that the rest of their contacts don't know. These nicks can be scandalously telling to the boyfriend (it's a shame that he has a so insistent girlfriend) that he is the love of her life, she never will move away from him, he's the best event in her life... and all other silly things that at last won't never happen because two weeks later she will have another boyfriend and the cycle will be repeated. Generally these species are girls, because the boys use their nicks for other things (please see other sections) and always annoying too.
- "(((¯`'•.•'¯)))x'«¤(¯`•»¤Annie¤«•'¯)¤»'x(¯`•»¤Love¤«•'¯) (¯`•»¤16-01-07¤«•'¯) ILYSM! (M)"
The other Variety is for the lonely guys who shelter in their "friends". We can say that they dedicate their nicks to half of their gang, a couple of cousins and more known people. They say that they love them so much and it's good that they have been born.
The typical stupid who writes nicks with the initials of the phrase that they want to say. For example:
Artificial Engrish Speakers
They have, cool nicks? Please! Even my 5 year old cousin speaks better than you! Those nicks blends hillbilly and bourgeois styles. This is the result:
- andReA[..] >>tellll meee What Doo Ya feeeelll wHen yaaaa bbookk at meeee... [blushed emoticon]
Ah! When I “book” at you? “Book” what?
We didn't write the e-mail addresses of the sample contacts (with a few exceptions) to protect their privacy (besides, their private life isn't any interesting).
|This page was originally sporked from Inciclopedia.|