Meth Addicts

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A fully matured meth creature

Meth Addicts (hominus methaddicus) are commonly mistaken for human beings that are hooked on a mythical drug called meth. The truth is, these are not human at all, but rather nonsentient creatures. They are commonly found in trailers in the southern United States, but originated in Oregon. Today they have spread throughout the world. They are noticeable by their pale, scabarous skin, lack of body fat or muscle, odd shaped and colored teeth (sometimes invisible), and their sensitivity to light.

Reproduction and Growth[edit]

One method of transferring their young to a host.

Meth creatures don't have sexual intercourse due to the lack of genitalia. Instead, they create eggs that look like crystals. The crystals are formed by cooking their saliva, blood, and many other unknown chemicals together. The combination is explosive and should be approached with care. They distribute the crystals and the crystals are consumed by humans. After consuming so many, the young crystals slowly take over the body and eventually change appearance, and personality. It is no longer a homo sapien, but now a young hominus methaddicus. As they grow, their teeth start becoming invisible, their skin paler and slimier, their hair gets much thinner, they lose body fat, and they slowly lose tolerance to the sun.

Discovery and the epidemic[edit]

Oregon, 1983, a young couple find an ancient trailer full of crystals. The daring young man takes a bite out of it, and, to his surprise, likes it rather well. He spreads the news of the crystals and soon, everybody has some. People rush to Oregon to find this legendary edible crystal, but the supply quickly runs out. People's homes start being replaced with trailers, and the whole state stunk of various chemicals. Eventually, nobody ever came outside of their trailers, and the state was temporarily a ghost town. However, the meth creatures soon became very territorial, and many were forced to move. Many moved to the land of trailers...West Virginia.

Diets and Habitat[edit]

The Meth creatures tend to live in filthy, dark trailers. Often, these trailers have no furnishings, no insulation, and no lavatories (they don't need them). These trailers are spread across the United States, but mostly found in Oregon, West Virginia, and Kentucky. Meth creatures like to feed on live roaches, rats, themselves, or the worms that crawl in their skin. They tend to pick at their own skin trying to retrieve insects to nourish themselves with.

Finding a Cure[edit]

Unfortunately, there is no cure. Finding a cure for Meth creatures is like trying to find a cure for humanism. However, the cure for "Meth addiction" was almost made possible by Oscar Wilde, Chuck Norris, God, Satan, Samuel L. Jackson, and Keanu Reeves. However, frequent quarrels separated these men, and thus the cure was lost forever. Today, "meth addiction" is attempted to be cured by locking up meth creatures. This, however, is quite disasterous.

Meth Creatures in Prison[edit]

Meth creatures have found prison to be quite likable. They don't have to see the sun, they get well fed, and they have a place to distribute their young and increase their numbers. Prisoners and Meth Creatures have what is called a symbiotic relationship.

Facts about Meth Addicts[edit]

- All South Africans are Meth addicts

All Meth addicts are South African

All Politicians are Meth addicts

All Muslim extremists are Meth addicts

All Greenpeace activists are Meth addicts

Hugh Heffner is a Meth addict

Pamela Anderson is not a Meth addict. She can't find a dealer willing to supply her.