Michael Fassbender

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“If there is anyone who should take over my role as being 'that cool English Guy' It would be Fassbender, that Irish-German actor.”

“He has lovely hands.”

“He has a fantastic arse”

~ Amy Hargreaves

Acting means you whack Keira Knightley's arse without receiving a slap in return.

Michael Fassbender is an Irish/British/American philosopher and writer, also filling some of his spare time by appearing in films and documentaries. What started as him standing in for a friend became a possible career option. Considered by many to be one of the most original innovative thinkers of the 21st century, Fassbender is hailed by academic circles all around the world for his essays, poems, short stories and other various writings. He even writes inspirational letters, profuse with wisdom of spiritual enlightenment, to His Holiness, the Dalai Lama. Or this could all be be bullshit put out by his agent.

Early life[edit]

Fassbender pumping his taut, German-Irish bum in the film Shame. Free show for anyone with binoculars.

Bourne into a lower high class family in Her majesty's British empire, it is easy to see how the life of Fassbender has been nothing but fruitful. Being accepted in the University of Oxford at age 11, Fassbender's second to none education would prove to be what most would consider to be something of a golden age. By the age of 16 Fassbender had already secured a Doctorate in both Philosophy and Linguistics. Being fluent in Latin, French, Italian, German, Russian, Spanish and Mandarin. He also had a significant influence on J R R Tolkien's creation of the 'Elvish' language in The Lord of the Rings. At the age of 19 he joined the British Army and went on to become a Captain in the Royal Marine Commandos, then 18 months later a Sergeant Major (Master, Gunnery, Commander Sergeant in American terms) in the Special Air Service (SAS). But he eventually left The Regiment to pursue a more stimulating career. Or this could all be be bullshit put out by the SAS.


The German Fassbender - Rainer Werner Fassbinder (deceased and slightly different surname spelling).

Fassbender's initially found it hard to be cast as it was presumed he was a humour-free German. When Fassbender debunked this by playing up his Irish side, work came his way. Although Fassbender has been voted(on more than one occasion) to be the Prime Minister of Great Britain, he has on all occasions turned it down and currently holds a position at Oxford University with no official title. As Fassbender is visited by academics, seekers, actors and fans from all over the world, he simply goes by the modest title "Maestro". On top of all his tremendous success, Fassbender has always carried the burden of being shockingly handsome and charismatic.


Though not actually being English(or even actually borne in England) Fassbender has been described as being a dashing well spoken English chap, with a certain fondness of charming everyone he meets. His hobbies include sitting around the fire drinking Brandy and pretending to smoke Cigars, attending high Society parties with Alan Rickman and watching Game of Thrones.


The Philosophical concepts of Fassbender though having no actual name(if were said to have common ground with any other concepts) The list would be as follows. Taoism , Buddhism, Paganism, Jedi-ism, Monarchism, and Post-pre-post modernism.

Major Works[edit]

Fassbender has enjoyed thus far a rather successful writing career. With 5 Best selling books published, over 300 essays, and over 27,000 short poems. Some of Fassbender's most famous works are,

  1. Subtle Inadequacies - At a staggering 7032 pages this book explores some of the commonally ignored aspects of Western civilisation
  2. Diaries of a call girl - A series based on the diary of his actual sister, who had left it at his place after staying for the celebration of his Previous book.
  3. A Long Way Down - A deeply philosophical work about pot holing in Yorkshire.

Fassbender quotes on other various thinkers[edit]

  • Plato ~ "I think it's great the impact he has had on modern thought, I particularly enjoyed his comedy The Republic"
  • Nietzsche ~ "The man would have made a great stand up comedian"
  • Oscar Wilde ~ "An absolute hero of mine. Infact If there is one thing we should regret, is that he wasn't around while the Bible was being writen"
  • Alan Watts ~ "A charming fellow, just a pitty more people don't listen to him"
  • Stephen Fry ~ "A most charming man if I ever saw one"
  • J K Rowling ~ "Harry Potter is one of my favourite stories, though I must admit that I wrote the 7th book."