Michael Savage

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This article is about the American talk show host.

Michael "The Angry Queen" Weiner) is a Jewish-American conservative and very well known drag queen throughout the United States. He has appeared in numerous porn films, both gay and straight, throughout the 1970's and has won multiple awards for his work. Although he now maintains a strictly homophobic status, Michael will occasionally turn up in a new porn film in a brief cameo. He is usually credited as, "cum gulper". (THIS NEEDS LINKS AND CITATION- NONE HAVE BEEN FOUND AS OF YET)

Early life[edit]

The Savage Weiner was born in a tin can in New York City. Many people believe that Michael was simply born an asshole, but this is not the case. In reality, this is due to the fact that he grew up without any friends (no, his teddy bear doesn't count!). While he excelled academically in school, critics have pointed out that he has the "Jew Advantage", which explains his superior intellect. (THIS NEEDS LINKS AND CITATION- NONE HAVE BEEN FOUND AS OF YET)

Skinny Dipping and Eventual Downfall[edit]

It was in his early twenties when he met his first (and only) friend, Allen Ginsburg. The two hit it off and they soon became inseparable. They were even voted "cutest couple" for three years in a row. (THIS NEEDS LINKS AND CITATION- NONE HAVE BEEN FOUND AS OF YET) Soon enough, Michael wanted to take their relationship to next level. Michallen (as they were nicknamed) journeyed to Hawaii for a vacation. It was here that the two went skinny dipping, had endless make out sessions and tickle fights. All seemed perfect, but the happiness was not to last. Upon returning home, Allen started to feel trapped by his boyfriend. He knew that he couldn't limit himself to one man and broke up with Michael. Heartbroken, Michael sat in his room and cried like a bitch for several weeks. As his depression continued, Michael started to develop an intense hatred for homosexuals, himself and basically everything else in the world. With his severe pessimism, Micheal changed his last name to Savage (which was actually the nickname that Allen gave him when they had performed a potentially deadly sex act) and proceeded to bitch and whine about how much he hates everything. The rants got him enough attention to give him the radio show that we all know today. (THIS NEEDS LINKS AND CITATION- NONE HAVE BEEN FOUND AS OF YET)

The Weiner Nation[edit]

Michael has a radio program entitled "The Weiner Nation", which is listened to the most among chimpanzees and squirrels. The small percentage of humans that actually do listen to Michael's hissy fits are said to be in one of two categories; they are either sexually frustrated mutants or they are just normal people who thought that they were listening to Morton Downey Jr. but then they realized that it's just some fake and quickly tuned out. His face is very commonly super-imposed on dartboards of prominent liberals. He has undergone many controversies including his most recent, calling 99% of all autistic children "fakers". The group Media Matters decided that Freedom of Speech is crap nowadays and is sueing Mr. Savage and trying to get him fired even though his brother was autistic and never spoke a word in his life. Michael got all of the "talk" genes. (THIS NEEDS LINKS AND CITATION- NONE HAVE BEEN FOUND AS OF YET)

The show’s routine[edit]

The Savage Nation begins by playing bumpers of Metallica, Rammstein and Motley Crüe, and then plays various soundbites from lefties who would be described as "morphing into bizarre annoying caricatures of themselves", if it were possible to be more annoying than people who actually use the phrase "caricatures of themselves". (THIS NEEDS LINKS AND CITATION- NONE HAVE BEEN FOUND AS OF YET)

During any point in the show, you may suddenly find yourself wondering "Wait a minute, I agree with Mike's position on that subject, and that caller just now agreed in every possible way with his opinion as well. So why is Mike calling him a liberal-nazi-red-diaper-doper-stupid-butthead-facist?" The answer: Mike is very, very insecure, so he feels the need to claim his own intellectual, moral, and sexual superiority at any opportunity, even if it turns off his supporters.(THIS NEEDS LINKS AND CITATION- NONE HAVE BEEN FOUND AS OF YET)

Every hour, on the hour, Michael Savage also gives away special prizes during an event he calls "Michael Savage's Christmas Prize-Time Drawing!" Prizes can include cash, cars, oranges, and golden tickets which grant access to the secret and magical island of Toon-ki.(THIS NEEDS LINKS AND CITATION- NONE HAVE BEEN FOUND AS OF YET)

At the half-hour spot, Savage takes out his enormous Jew cock and plows through scores of black crackheaded women's nasty twats. Then, as he is about to blow his load, he pulls out his cock, sticks it in their faces, spews his load all over the wenches and smacks them all in the face with his Jew cock until he goes limp. Due to an insane amount of Jew semen, he is able to do this several times per day.

Other notes[edit]

  • It is said Michael Savage first had his conservative epiphany while high on LSD and engaging in group sex with Allen Ginsberg and a troop of French mime poets in a local San Francisco gay bath house sometime in the early 70s. From that day forward he was dedicated to keeping the communists out of his bank account. (THIS NEEDS LINKS AND CITATION- NONE HAVE BEEN FOUND AS OF YET)
  • Savage is currently soft at work on his next book, which is likely to be titled Liberal Underendowed Bloggers And The Women They Hope To Become". Softcover.
  • In his personal daily conversations with god, god told Savage it's okay to be a closet, cross dressing homosexual drug addict and spread hate speech about himself. It's just good capitalism - and god is a fan of Ayn Rand and Ronald Reagan after all. (THIS NEEDS LINKS AND CITATION- NONE HAVE BEEN FOUND AS OF YET)

Famous Quotes[edit]

(Uh oh folks it looks as if another Savage sheep has invaded this page and is desperately trying to protect his boyfriend from ridicule) *note* the message below is a prime example of how a Savage sheep can't take a joke. Truly pathetic isn't it?

{{Q|The quotes that were tossed into this little block are laughable and never came from Dr. Savage's voice box. The person(s) who posted these inane attempts at dumbing down the credibility of Michael Savage is either a bull dyke Rosie O'Donnald muff diver, an 18 year old disgrace of an American who doesn't understand the very basics of the federal government and holds a wide ear to his/her professor who spews his/her 60's generation anti-capitalism bullshit.

HERE ARE THE QUOTES

  • "Give me a big bologna sandwich, and I'll shove it in my fat face, and then I'll spew it all over the microphone. God Bless America."
  • "That Abraham Lincoln was a real scumbag rat. Fuck him and his Union Army."
  • "I spoke to Jesus last night, and I can gladly report that he is commie loser. Anyone who worships him is a putz."
  • "I wouldn't let Obama polish my fedora. Let alone have him in the Oval office."
  • "Democrats remind me of egg salad gone bad. They all smell like sulfur."
  • "I'll gladly burn the American flag, if it meant that in doing so, i'd get my taxes reduced."
  • "I love Trump. No really, he makes me feel it below the belt. I wouldn't mind letting him plow the field, if you know what I mean."
  • "I absolutely support the troops. But I have no respect for those that come back with PTSD. That's it. Don't get me started with that."
  • "Bernie ought to get back behind the counter and give me my fucking reuben. I'm starving, you commie pig."
  • "You know what I think about women? You don't wanna know. Let's leave it at that."
  • "The muslim cockroaches of the world make me want to throw up bile on a newborn calf."
  • "I gotta call my escort, Scotty. Whoa, did I say that on air?"
  • "Oh, Pope Francis wants to heal all the illnesses of the world? What a piece of garbage. He couldn't shine my shoes."
  • "I spend my Saturday nights stripping to my skivvies and worshiping the devil in a pool of my own filth. It's a Savage tradition."
  • "I would frack the crap out of America. I'd tell America to go frack itself."

Military Service and War Crimes[edit]

Savage served as an officer in the Interstellar Corps of Pan-Sec (in outer space)during his late twenties. Although he is thought to have contributed many ideas to the strategies and tactics surrounding combat utilizing Yushenko Drive engines, he was written out of the Field Marshall's Survey as a demerit for his (in)actions during the Titan Massacre.

Michael Savage's pet peeves[edit]

The following is a (very incomplete) list of what things callers shouldn’t try to open a discussion with Savage about if he’s in a bad mood:

  • People thinking for themselves
  • Muslims
  • Callers with valid arguments
  • Muslims who wear hats
  • Liberals
  • Democrats
  • Republicans
  • Conservatives
  • Black people
  • Mexican people
  • Gay men and women
  • Straight men and women
  • The world
  • Muslims who love America
  • Muslims who like cute puppies and kittens
  • Liberals
  • Butchers who serve cheap pastrami
  • The sausagefests with Allen Ginsburg
  • Repressed homosexual urges
  • Himself
  • His eyebrow that tilts up on it's own
  • Cherokee hair tampons
  • Everything

Oh, whoops: my bad. It's MY SIDE that tries to shut down debate by calling people Nazis( and racists. And idiots. And gay. And any combination of the four.)Sorry.

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