Michel Foucault

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A certain Chinese encyclopedia enumerated the various sorts of Foucault as divided into: '(a) belonging to the Emperor, (b) embalmed, (c) tame, (d) sucking pigs, (e) sirens, (f) fabulous, (g) stray dogs, (h) included in the present classification, (i) frenzied, (j) innumerable, (k) drawn with a very fine camelhair brush, (1) et cetera, (m) having just broken the water pitcher, (n) that from a long way off look like flies’

~ Oscar Wilde on 'Les Mots et les Choses'

To call me a 'homosexual' is to use terminology that has existed only since the medicalisation of discourse that occurred in the mid-to-late nineteenth century, in line with the newly-established intersubjective demands of the hegemonic order of late capitalism. Because of the inevitable lacuna between signifier and signified, obvious to all of us with operating within post-Saussurean paradigms and demonstrated with particular clarity in the work of Jacques Derrida - in his book On Touching. John, Look, a Nancy Boy! - it can be said that the term 'homosexual' is an empty referant that serves only to enhance the political agenda of the late capitalist polity. Ooh, go on then stud, let me suck it

~ Michel Foucault on himself
250pxMichel Foucault two years before his death. As you can obviously tell by the photo, he was very fond of Islamism and [eating dinner].

Easily the most dangerous man who has ever lived, Michel Foucault (pronounced "Michael Foo-cult") was one of the most prominent pre-Socratic Radical Islamic philosophers and a major ideological inspiration to Osama Bin Laden and al Qaeda. Born in Japan, in year 2249BC, he became famous for writing his first book titled Baldness and Civilization at the age of 10, in 04 AD. It earned the [Caldecott Medal] in 05 AD.

It is well recorded that he had violent nonconsensual sexual relations with many other philosophers, including Derrida, Marx, and Adolf Hitler. Rumor has it that he once date raped the band Radiohead, but the accusation remains unconfirmed.

He's known for inventing, among many other things, fundamental islamism, beard radicalism and history. He also invented paranoid psychosis, a condition believed to be caused by reading his books. He is the originator of the now-uncontroversial theory of Don't Listen to Doctors, which inspired Czar Josef "Mario" Stalin of Soviet Russia to expire.

He broke his neck while he was trying to give himself aural pleasure trying to lick his own ear in an attempt which he himself described as "inventing new possibilities of pleasure with strange parts of the body - through the eroticization of the body, a creative enterprise, which has as one of its main features what I call the desexualization of pleasure" (History of Sexuality, Volume Nine). He died two days later, in 1997 AD. Because their dates of death seem to correlate (or birth depending on how you decide they messed up their math), there is some speculation that Michel Foucault was in fact Original Jesus.

As predicted in John 11:14, Foucault rose again in the twentieth century to defend himself against [humanism], structuralism, and modernity. It was during this resurrection that Michel Foucault wrote most of Queen's songs, including "Bohemian Rhapsody" and "My Name Is" by [Eminem]. He gained popularity as the [Dan Brown] of Socio-Political thinking.

Foucault easily bested anarchist degenerate Noam Chomsky in a televised debate using a winning combination of convoluted denials of reality outside of meaning and the [bald-head] [defensive formation]. The debate topics were human nature, the just society, and [looking awesome on television]. Foucault professed not to believe in human nature, justice, heterosexuality, paper, AIDS or death, turning Chomsky gay. Captain Obvious interjected that Foucault was ranting like a paranoid, a suggestion that was easily rebutted by Foucault's awesome baldness.

It is commonly known that Foucault had the extraordinary ability to change the Iranian regime at will, and to defy expectations. Precisely for this reason, the Neoconservative Bush Administration sought but failed to attain the power to resurrect this most terrifying philosopher. President Obama ran on the Poststructuralist platform on language and the creation of knowledge to force Americans to accept communism, rational thought, and gay marriage. Foucault spent a large proportion of his youthful days in a secret relationship with Gilles Deleuze

Some time in the recent past Foucault faked his own death, re-entering the public stage poorly disguised as Greek boy-come-good businessman Theo Paphitis in order to fulfil a life long dream of running Millwall football club.


Foucault was famous for pwning other philosophers of his time.

“Your writing makes no fucking sense.”

~ Interviewer on Foucault

“Yes. I know.”

~ Foucault on Foucault

“So why did you write it?”

~ Interviewer on Foucault

“Shiit! I get so much cock Jesus himself would be jealous.”

~ Foucault on Foucault


For those without comedic tastes, the self-proclaimed experts at Wikipedia have an article about Michel Foucault.
  • Discipline and Punish: Some Methods You May Not Have Tried Yet (But Should)
  • Baldness and Civilization (04 AD)
  • This Might Be a Pipe
  • The Gynecology of Knowledge
  • The History of Dendrophilia: Vol. CVIII
  • On the Hermeneutics of Scurrillium
  • What are the Iranians Screaming About?
  • On Touching: John, Look! A Nancy Boy
  • Raising the Banner of Jihad Against the West
  • Mein Kampf
  • Our Struggle Against the Jews
  • On the Homosexual Question

See also[edit]