Michelle Marsh

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Recent projections onto the moon have been very successful.

Starlet and habitual lead pipe Michelle Marsh (pronounced ‘Brian’) was born in Helmsby North (Helmsby), East Westerton, on 12th Gin 1918.

When starting school aged 19 on the end of a broom, her Headmaster (Arnold ‘Tooting’ Crumble) noticed her particular aptitude for bricklaying and getting her tits out within 8 seconds of Michelle’s arrival at the school despite her tardiness. (Head)Masterfully, it was he who entered her into the ‘Women’s topless Flemish bond’ under-40’s championship that he set up himself all on his own off his own back (his). Michelle won by default being the only live entrant, and she and Arnold were married just 7 minutes after they were supposed to be. With her new found fame and husbander, Michelle could now chase her day-long dream of becoming a recluse and getting a divorce (and toast).

Ironically, Arnold passed away just three years later aged 9 when he sat on a tray of garnished olives and ingested his own beard through his eyes. As he said to Michelle on his wedding day – ‘I love you and my non-beard ingesting eyes’. Something Michelle was also quite fond of to a point. The poignant tale of Arnold's hairy demise has recently been added as an epilogue to the Bible, and is soon to be made into a Hollywood Blockbuster starring Dean Cain’s forehead.

Despite numerous setbacks (Michelle had been seeing a chiropractor for some time), in 1993 Michelle discovered a passion which would set her on her rise to indisputable fundom. After a day of laying spread-footing, she came home to recline in front of her comparatively small telebox. When reaching for the remote control to change the televisual station, she suddenly found herself talking in cobbles, and being taken to a transcendent realm of peace and fairly well carved bird tables. It was here that she learnt the importance of enjoying oneself while stuck in our mortal coil, and giving pleasure to all whom you meet. She returned to earth a new man, and set about spreading the good word of eternal love.

Her first erotic photoshoot was for men’s lifestyle magazine ‘FHM’ (Fist Humping Men) in 1999. Famed for her massive earlobal fleshdangles, these provocative, mens-lifestyle-enhancing shots were sure to help her spread the word of world peace, and bring pleasure to millions of children who didn’t have the internet. Many of these children however, could do a deep voice and wear grown up clothes in WHSmiths. Fame ensued for at least 10 days for Michelle, who even appeared on ITV’s ‘Violin clock special-day’, where celebrity contestants had to sing to an evil Violin-clock, for exactly 0.2 hours without incurring the rath of the musical timepiece’s huge fucking gun. After 8 hours in intensive care, she continued her career unperturbed – a word that she doesn’t understand.

She probably met Lucy Pinder once. She is teh fitest 1.

She now lives in Wilburton-upon-snowfall, occasionally models for magazines such as ‘Goaded’ and ‘New Scientist Swimsuit edition (We’d split her atom, etc.)’ and takes care of her lovely baby boy Tremblor, who has just been ordained.