Midsomer Murders

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Midsomer Murders
Show Name: Midsomer Murders
Midsomer murders logo.jpg
Genre: Drama
Runtime: 12000 minutes
(not including adverts)
Country: UK
Network: ITV

For those without comedic tastes, the self-proclaimed experts at Wikipedia have an article about Midsomer Murders.

Midsomer Murders is a popular British television drama series about murders that take place in the fictional English county of Midsomer. It is reportedly based on real events, though the presence of talking trees in several episodes contradicts this theory.

A detective drama, it focuses on the main character of Detective Chief Inspector Barnaby, and his efforts to solve the various crimes that afflict Midsomer. Another recurring theme is the homosexual relationship between Barnaby and his various Sergeants.

Each episode is extremely long, lasting not under 13465 minutes, and staying awake and following the whole storyline is a considerable feat. Only 2 people in the world have been able to do this, and they are both also notable for enjoying staring at blank walls for hours on end.


"I'm gonna get you, sucka!"

Detective Chief Inspector Tom Barnaby - A senior member of the Midsomer Constabulary's Causton CID, Barnaby handles the considerable number of murders that occur in the county. A patient, tolerant man whose style of investigation is very thorough, much like his investigation of his colleagues' anal tracts.

Detective Sergeant Gavin Troy - Barnaby's first and longest-serving deputy. In contrast to the tolerant Barnaby, Troy is one to make non-politically correct remarks, often concerning his disdain for homosexuals, which is ironic considering the fact that he is gay himself. He is known to make other inappropriate comments, often at the least fortuitous of times, for example when having sex with Barnaby. He leaves Midsomer when Barnaby refuses to leave his wife for him in episode #92356.

Joyce Barnaby - Barnaby's long-suffering wife. She is enormously tolerant of her husband, despite his constant flirting with other men.

Cully Barnaby - Tom and Joyce's only child.

DS Dan Scott - is less naive and a bit cockier than his predecessor Gavin Troy. His relationship with Barnaby was a bit prickly at first, but it eventually mellowed when they started a sexual relationship.

DS Ben Jones - is the third character to act as Barnaby's assistant. Jones is considerably less naive than his predecessors; indeed he often seems to be almost, but nowhere near Barnaby's level of intellect. This is also reflect in their sex scenes, where Jone attemptd to dominate Barnaby.


A typical Midsomer Murderer

There is a basic template which all 123463 minute long episodes follow:

  1. There is a murder.
  2. Barnaby is called in to solve the murder.
  3. Barnaby interrrogates all the 12 posh suspects.
  4. Barnaby has sex with a deputy, or in one unaired episode, a carrot.
  5. There is another murder.
  6. Repeat steps 4 and 5 until only one suspect remains alive. They must be the murderer.

Something Fishy[edit]

Seeing as there are about 12 murders per episode, and there has been one episode a week since 1997, that makes a lot of murders. Too many to count. The majority of the viewers wonder how there is anyone left in Midsomer. Shouldn't they have all been murdered by now?

Some try to claim that people just keep moving into Midsomer. But I ask them: who in their right mind would want to live in a place where 90% of the population are in prison for murder?

I guess house prices must be pretty cheap though.

Stuff You Didnt Know about Midsomer Murders[edit]

  • A film is being made based on the series, with Barney the Dinosaur playing Barnaby.
  • In Soviet Russia, Midsomer Murders YOU!!