Militia girl

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One of the only known pictures of the elusive Militia girl. This is her "sexy face." Photograph found by Twigg in the wreckage of a trailer-whorehouse.

A militia girl is a type of mountain dwelling animal that has sex with it's close relatives. This is also known as incest. She is very well known for losing her virginity to a mechanical bull, and for not being able to dress herself. It is a well known fact that she had given Mick Jagger a blowjob at a Rolling Stones concert. She briefly toured with AC/DC in the late '80s, until she became addicted to heroin.

She was born to Billie-Joe Brandine Spuckler as Shari "Julia" Spuckler. Her mother was accidently inpregnated at her work, a sperm bank. She was pouring the semen into the tube, when she accidently spilled it inside her crotch, thus creating what we know now as "Militia Girl". The semen was from a professional duck hunter, Cleetus Makiki Delroy. In the summer 1999 Militia Girl had her first reunion with her biological father, they had sex within fifteen minutes. Later that week, Cleetus took his daughter to go duck hunting. She would leave that field a new person. Yes, she was still a cousin-fucking, bald hillbilly, but she had learned to duck hunt. She became a duck hunting gold medalist, but that's a different story...

Although not technically Asian, she resembles a 12 year-old vietnamese hooker. Little is known about her, except that her name is Shari. She most likely got her name from Jeff Foxworthy's Redneck Dictionary: Words You Thought You Knew the Meaning Of (2005). On November 12, 2003 she was spotted at the back of an Applebee's resteraunt parking lot, orally pleasuring her uncle. It seems she lost a bet. She told her uncle that if she can't beat him in Nintendo's Duck Hunt, she will give him a BJ...she lost.

Militia girl, is where boners go to die. (Photo also found in trailer-whorehouse wreckage.)

She had her break in 1987, when she got casted as the roll of "Vietnamese Hooker #1" In Stanely Kubrick's film Full Metal Jacket (1987). There, she muttered those famous words "Me so horny.", "Five dollar sucky sucky.", and last, but certainly not least, "Me love you long time." After that she couldn't get a job in show biz. She eventually gave up acting, that is, acting with her clothes on. She got into porn. Mostly BDSM and Asian fetsh pornography. If you take a careful look, Militia Girl can be seen getting cumed on in "Hillbillies Gone Wild XXI". Today she resides in Utah, farming ducks, but occasionally she we get noticed by people on the street as "That hillbilly slut with the jizz on her face from that porno that I bought at the Family Dollar. It was half off too!" ~David

Militia Girl is in a denial world. She is the definition of a redneck. Her past times include sitting on her front porch chewing Skoal. And fingering her asshole. As well as one of her favorite past times, duck hunting. Militia lives in a broke down excuse for a shack, with her father (aka known as her donkey and brother and uncle.)Her "yard" (better yet known as the state landfill) consists of household appliances that are destroyed totally, as well as a beat down Ford Truck on cinder blocks. But Militia Girl is very well known for her half baked comebacks. She really thinks she's something else, I'll show that bitch. Anyways, she's a hilljack, and she's completely obsessed with calling me "AIDS G" and I'm like, "wtf mate?" I'm sorry that she was created from a labratory with a mixture of over 90 different animal semens..and out came this abomination. (<---Militia Girl)I am thinking abuot running her knees over with my car, (which I am famous for) and then making her crawl to her mechanical bull, and making her ride it, God, I love myself...



Militia_Girl is a famed personality on the internet soap-opera known as "#Teenchat". This chatroom contains an entire host of characters ranging from the nice (HoneyID, Your_Kiss_Is_Kryptonite, MasterShake), to the retarded (HEAIE, Sean2kx, SaMaNtHa), the protagonists (Witz, Citrus_Squeeze, Death/Jesus) & then the downright cunts (Twigg, TnT/Guest8) and the fag/fatass (Jadgeschwader)- Militia_Girl tried to get into the chatrooms social circle, but ended up failing miserably due to her extremely right-wing misconceptions and inhibitions about politics and other various social issues. Thus this shrine where all "regulars" can come and include information about Militia_Girl has been erected.

Militia girl in history[edit]

Nostradamus predicted that around the year 2010 a new species of ape would emerge from the woods. He predicted that this new species would be created a single family, which would cause major birth defects. Nostradamus also recorded in his notebook that all water fowl would be exterminated by the new race of inbred apes. ~DVM607


  • Main Entry: Militia Girl
  • Function: Noun

1 : to offer indiscriminately for sexual activity especially for money 2 : sexual intercourse between persons so closely related that marriage is illegal 3 : a strange, abnormal, or unusual person or thing ~Sean2kx

Fashion Tips for ya honey[edit]

Well god damn..u just need all the help you can I'm going to be nice..and give you some from me to YOU!

Hair Well, seeing how you have almost no hair...except for the few scragglies you have. First, I recommend getting all the junk and gum out of you hair. As well as the many mixtures of animal and human semen out as well. I suggest you use Tresemme'...or since you're poor just get the cheap brand, VO5. It SHOULD do the job, but I wouldn't know, I on the other hand can afford the "non-generic" brands of shampoos and conditioners. But whatever. Next I suggest you get a wig. Get a cute one, not one of the mullet looking ones. As far as you hair goes...that's all I can give to ya.

Overall Personal Hygeine Wow, forgive me for calling you out on this one...but you're janky. So...I've compiled a list of things you should get to have TIP TOP HYGEINE.

  • Crest Vivid Whitening
  • Proactive (to take care of your crater-face)
  • Dove Soap
  • Toothbrush (get Oral B, so you can brush like a dentist!)
  • Lotion (Hm, you're poor, so Suave should be affordable on your budget)
  • Floss (Let's face have chicken legs in your teeth)
  • Breath Mints (to cover up the decaying sperm in your stomach smell when you belch)
  • Since your house does not have running water, try to take the water up stream from where your outhouse dumps into the family creek. (This also applies for the water you use for cooking)~DVM607

Those should get you off to a good start, make sure to brush for 3 your Ee's and Ah's. I would HOPE you would know how to use the rest...oh, and you ALWAYS wipe front to back...

Social Style

Alright. So the whole "backwood family militia" type ensemble/personality just really isn't working for you at the moment Militia. I figure that with some quality clothes and some decent make up, you may come out looking like atleast terminally ill.

  • Remember: Camo went out in 1990, after the Gulf War. Don't camouflage your features, try and bring them out. I reccomend wearing alot of White and just a dash of Yellow. That way you'll end up looking like a Cancer patient who's pissed their bedsheets. Magnifique!

When on a date with a healthy young man (be it your cousin or not), it's important not to bring up three things.

1. Money

Never ever talk about money, mainly because you don't have any. Don't fall into the "scare him away" trap by saying that the largest amount of money you've ever seen at one time is $40.00, and that was the time welfare decided to be generous.

2. Religion

Don't go on a fancy conversation about religion. I mean come on, you do have a closed mind about this sort of thing. Something he could say may anger your vengeful and wrathful God, thus disabling you from having your first boyfriend ever. :(

3. Politics

Now here's a big one. Considering your pro right-wing extremist views are more reminiscent of the Ku Klux Klan rather than Democracy, you may want to lay off talking about how you hate the government, how you want to destroy left-wing liberal thinkers and communists, how you ritually slaughter Black people in the back woods etc...

Also; if he wants to have sex with you, let him. It might be your only chance.


  • Flatware and silverware are mandatory. Do NOT use your fingers.
  • Sit at a table. The tailgate from your bruncle's pickup truck does not count.
  • When cooking for a date try to use the more upscale meats such as steak, pork, and lamb. Duck and venison are not to be served to impress a date. (Duck is only acceptable if served in a French restaurant, however since you can not afford even the first round of drinks at such an establishment you can disregard this)
  • Try to balance the plate with healthy serving of vegtables, meat, and a starch.
  • A proper meal has at LEAST three courses. The first three are required. Place them in the following order: 1.Soup 2.Salad (in a European country this may come after the meal) 3.Main course 4.A proper cheese selection 5.Dessert ex. cake,pie,fine chocolates,cookies (not chocolate chip). (You will notice sperm, semen, and jizz are not on the list.)
  • Cocca~Cola is not a high class drink unless mixed with +++QUALITY+++ alcohol.
  • Moonshine is not acceptable. EVER!!!!
  • Do not serve any beverage in a can. A beer should be seved in a tall thin glass. MASON JARS ARE UNACCEPTABLE.

~DVM607 If you take into consideration these three easy guidelines that I, Jadgeschwader, have pointed out for you; you may lead on to finding a loving and caring man who will stand by your side until you die of AIDS you fucking bald slut.


Duck Gun Conspiracy[edit]

Militia Girl's Duck Gun.

Some speculate that a "duck gun" is a device used to play Nintendo with, but there lies a darker secret, beyond belief. There is evidence to prove that a duck gun is a four-barreled gun designed to destroy any duck(s) in it's path. It's capable of world-wide duck genocide. Although is may seem incredibly hilarious, it is no laughing matter if you're a duck.


Here's a little insight on what lies ahead for Ducks and the animal kingdom alike when Milita Girl gets ahold of a Duck aware, this is very explicit and look away if you have a weak stomach...~Adria Duck Hunt

People Militia Girl Has Fucked[edit]

NOTE: Crossed out entries are deceased.

  • Her Uncle AKA her Dad AKA her Brother (Bruncle)
  • MasterShake (David)
  • AiDgE (Adria)
  • TnT (Terry)
  • Heaie (Jesse)
  • Twigg (Julia)
  • GuitarChic (Jena)
  • Conve (Myles)
  • Jadgeschwader (Alex)
  • Rose (Totally the least sluttiest person on the list)
  • Davon (Homosexual crackhead)
  • GORDON (Gordon) - Tried to eat her!
  • Lila_Lockburn (Lisha)
  • Bill Clinton
  • Jesus
  • George W. Bush
  • Mechanical Bull
  • Akon
  • N64 Controller
  • Her Dog
  • Her Cat
  • TnT Again
  • A Brush
  • Her Camp Counselour
  • A Mountain Dew bottle
  • A Tree
  • Her Hand (AKA Jill)
  • Sean
  • HoneyID (Hani)
  • Dave the Mod
  • Kurt_Cobain (Alex)
  • SaMaNtHa
  • TnT Again
  • A Battery Powered Crest Toothbrush
  • A Tickle Me Elmo doll
  • Black Jesus
  • Stephen Hawking
  • Christopher Reeve
  • A pack of Starbursts
  • Her DirecTv Remote
  • One medium sized dildo
  • Paul McCartney
  • Flavor Flav
  • Twigg's HOT MILFY Mom
  • Some Fat Kid
  • Maury Povich
  • Jeff Foxworthy
  • A Jeff Foxworthy look-a-like blow up doll
  • A clothes hanger
  • A paper-mache ppenis
  • A small Ethiopian child

Diseases Militia Girl Has Contracted[edit]

This list was compiled through many painful years of research, field study, and scientific development by Twigg. Please note the extent of Militia Girl's diseases are dangerous and potentially life-threatening, the limits of which are not currently known, even by Twigg. Self-research should not be conducted without proper supervision and protection.

Militia Girl's Family Album[edit]

Militia Girl (at right) pictured with her older cousin, Brenda. This was taken right before the incest orgy the family had on Christmas 2001. ~David

The doll being held is a prelude of what is to become of Militia_Girl - Alex.

Militia Girl's mom, Billie-Joe Brandine Spuckler, eating a sandwhich of some sort. Militia Girl's cat is also pictured in this photo. It was actually under her left butt cheek. Sadly, the cat would not live to tell it's gruesome story. ~David

Milita Girl's creepy uncle trying to lure his niece into having unprotected pick-up truck pool sex. ~David

Militia Girl's uncle taking a dump on the family toilet. ~David

Well it's true - Jadge, 2006

This is Militia's Dad, Brother, and Uncle..and god knows who/what else...~Adria

Militia Girl Elements[edit]

Militia girl is made up of many elements found on Earth. These include the usual carbon, oxygen,nitrogen etc. But the creature of the night also consists of elements called Cuntanoids.

The group of Cuntanoids consists of elements such as fuckwitium, dumbshitanium, bitchum, bastardonium, incestenese, and many more. These elements are found primarily in creatures such as Militia girl and will probably be mined by the people of iraq soon to be sold to the world to hopefully be destroyed. These elements may be found in others but only in small doses. They are dangerous to those that surround it and necessary personal protection equipment might be needed. ~Jaz

See also[edit]

Exernal Links[edit]