Milli Vanilli

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Milli Vanilli

Milli Vanilli were the original figureheads of MTV, comprising of two of the most legendarily talented musicians ever to grace the planet Mars.

Rob Pilatus and Fabrice Morvan, the stars of the double act, met whilst working in Japan as Geisha Girls. They quickly realised they had incredible talent for singing and dancing - preferably at the same time.

The only way to describe their meeting is 'two giant red rocks, slowly beating together like a fat child’s conkers on a windy Easter morn'. That sentiment still holds true today.

Rob Pilatus' greatest achievement, was possibly his spearheading of the Vaseline movement of the late 1950s. The basis of which being retaining the shiniest possible forehead; some say this crown was stolen by Jermaine Dupree - but true scholars know that the original is always the best. Rob Pilatus eventually received the crown of 'Greasiest Nigger of All Time' awarded by Chris Rock in a private 'Kumite' ceremony. Rob Pilatus used his dimac touch to destroy the 8th brick down. David Beckham was taken aback.

Fabrice Morvan's greatest achievement was most likely his invention of the infrared remote control gun. However, he was lynched in 1999 publicly after being blamed for the worldwide pandemic of obesity. Sadly, Rob Pilatus never recovered the loss of his wife and threw himself off a pillow factory.

The world holds a national celebration each year on May 12th called 'Faux Pas Day' where figures made entirely of Russian matchsticks are burnt in boxes of leaves symbolising the fertility of Rob Pilatus' mother; the first MILF in history.

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