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“What is mind? Doesn't matter. What is matter? Never mind.”

~ Homer Simpson on the Mind

“My mind is going. I can feel it”

~ HAL 9000 on using Wikipedia

In anatomy, the human mind is the uppermost extension and opening of the human body. Closure is controlled by globs of fat surrounding the jowls. Speech is expelled from the body through the mouth when the mind is elsewhere — being elsewhere is the primary function of the mind. Most animals — from simple worms to elephants and humans — have a tubular mind, with self-righteouness at one end and forgetfulness at the other. When the mind is doing the job of half a man, Republican politics is the result.

The mind is often considered a taboo part of the body, and is known by a large number of usually vulgar slang terms. Most Americans will deny strenously that they have one.


The human mind is situated between the feet and the top of the head. Little else about its location and existence has ever been ascertained. It has two cerebral denial systems, one internal, the other external. These hold the brains closed until time to expostulate. One lobe consists of smooth muscle and its action is involuntary; the other lobe consists of striated muscle and its action is voluntary, especially when the human sees a way to get an advantage over another human with a lesser mind and larger wallet.

Role in Human Morals[edit]

Main article: Old Testament

When the mind is full, the increase in intrarectal pressure forces the walls of the mouth apart, allowing human "thought" to enter the oral canal. The mind shortens as material is forced into the oral canal and peristaltic waves propel the "thoughts" out of the mouth. The internal and external fat cells of the mind allow the thoughts to be passed by muscles pulling the lips up over the exiting gibberish and other human sounds.

To prevent diseases of the mind and to promote general hygiene, humans often clean the mind after emptying it, using a television receiver. A wash with a bidet or a wiping with an American flag are often used to clear the mind of any vestige of intelligent thought.

Role in Sexuality[edit]

The mind has a relatively high concentration of nerve endings and is an erogenous zone. Sigmund Freud's theory of psychosexual development, for example, described a mental stage, hypothesizing that adolescents derive pleasure from retaining and expelling sexual fantasies. This is the source of the derogatory term "mental retentive."

Mental masturbation can be pleasurable for both the insertive partner and the receptive partner. For females, pleasure from mental masturbation is also thought to be related to the shared wall between the shopping mall and the female brain, as well as the imaginary mental G-spot.

For males, the tightness of the brains is often said to be a source of pleasure in mental masturbation and/or the watching of sports, while the presence of the prostate gland near the male cerebellum is generally seen as a source of pleasure during receptive mental masturbation. Other animals have also been observed practicing mental masturbation, such as Joe Lieberman.

Mental masturbation, sometimes referred to as Bush's National Guard service or deep contemplation of the Bronze Age, is a human sexual activity, but is considered taboo in a number of moral systems, and it has been, and in some jurisdictions continues to be, a crime carrying severe punishment, especially in the Fourth Reich.


Hygiene is important for good mental health. Washing with a mild soap and water and Christian pamphlets will keep the brain empty. Harsh soaps or wiping vigorously with toilet paper can irritate the skin around the mind, making it itchy or sore.


Mental bleaching is a relatively new West coast phenomenon where the mind, which darkens over the years, is lightened for a more youthful appearance. In April 2000, gossip columnist Ted Casablanca reported that actresses including Lara Flynn Boyle have had their brains bleached. [1]

Mental piercing is among the more extreme piercings and usually interferes with the function of thought.

How to change Your Mind[edit]

  • You need:
    • 1 cutter
    • 1 second hand brain
    • some cables to shock your mother
  • At first you need the very sharp cutter
    • Now you simply need to cut off the top of your head
    • PAY ATTENTION : dont hurt eyes or ears you will never be able to put them together correctly!!!
  • Now you need the second hand brain
    • Its very easy, you simply need to put in the brain in the hole where the old had been.
  • With the cables you now need to connect Eyes, Ears, Feet and Arms with the new Brain

<<<Now you have changed your Mind>>

Mind can also be referred to as "something that you don't have."

See also[edit]

External link[edit]