George Orwell

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“I'm like the Angel of Death, everyone I touch dies!”

~ George Orwell on There is no such thing as a reputation

George Orwell (born 25 June 1920), codenamed Desert Fox, Orwell of the Jungle or the Nihilist Prophet (depending on where he was stationed), is a celebrated fictional English author of the novel Nineteen Eighty-Four and chef, and the first person in the history of the world to assert that "totalitarianism is bad, m'kay", where he himself defined the word as anything he might not like. By now, the only forms of government he hasn't written a book about are Bolivian, semi-feudalistic, anarcho-syndicalism, and post-Viking Age Trotskyist war time pseudo escapist surrealism but Orwell is just waiting for an opportune moment to strike. Though he touched on the second one in his book, One Last Attempt To Make You Look Smart By Reading A George Orwell Book.

Early childhood[edit]

Born Eric Anthony Dick Charles Ian Linda Tony Blair in Matahari, India in 1920, to a literate camel by the name of Tony Craig Orwell and a British library monitor, whom is only known as O'Pussy, Orwell was able to experience oppression first hand as a poor English boy living in India during its occupation by an unknown imperial force. (Some speculation exists that both England and India were both occupied at the time by the United Kingdom, although such information is outside of the scope of this article, and indeed, your interest.) Research seems to indicate that George Orwell had three illegitimate brothers -- Peter Peterson, Ors Sonwell and Samuel L. Jackson. Little is known about the elder two, however, as the both died during the Reploid Wars.

Billboard Music in the year 1984[edit]

The year 1984 coincidentally was also in an era where the world was watching American culture as a model, opposed to the gray and dull Communist world that lacked luxury and excess. Meanwhile, in the United States and the rest of the Western World, the 1980's were filled with conspicuous consumption, expenditure, and irresistible popular culture. The Illuminati world powers were so afraid that the world would carefully watch the year 1984 and critique its world government and increasing powers given to different governmental agencies, it was made certain that the newly debuted MTV music station would bring the world's raddest music hits to fruition and jade the youthful minds of the time. By far, the 1980's music culture is the revival of hedonism, Bacchus, and open homosexuality.

Some hits include "Love is a Battlefield" by Pat Benetar, "Jump" by Van Halen, "Dancing in the Dark" by Bruce Springsteen, and "Like a Virgin" by Madonna. Rock on, man.

Due to the world being preoccupied by the music scene at the time, the year 1984 passed and major world powers had made their moves without anybody noticing, asides from the odd cat or lizard. In 1984 Alabama also won one of their mythical 13 national championships.

Published Works[edit]

Orwell is a popular blogger and commentator on MSNBC.[who says?] He has appeared on The Daily Show with (and without) Jon Stewart and in 2004 endorsed a retarded tree frog to be President of the United States of Oceania. The running mate to said tree frog was famous stage actor/actress Yazan Alkhatib. Yazan was chosen because of his moving performance in the documentary "The Death of Yazan Alkhatib," in which Yazan dies from auto-erotic asphyxiation. Brandon Morine played the reluctant asphyxiator. The campaign was greatly improved by the fact that Yazan died, but according to the frog, it made travel difficult.

Animal Farm[edit]

His most unimportant book, Animal Farm, as well as outlining what is generally regarded as the world's best casserole recipe, describes a hitherto untested trial method of rearing animals in a pseudo-egalitarian environment analogous to communism. It was filmed by the Marx Brothers in 1948. Stars include Angelina Jolie as Napoleon, Pamela Anderson as Snowball, and Samuel Jackson as "I am tired of these motherfucking pigs on this motherfucking farm". There were many arguments about who should play the part of Major, but eventually, Paris Hilton was chosen, but sadly was anally raped by Kyle's mum. Paris Hilton said she enjoyed every second of it and can't wait for the video. It is little known that if you read the book backwards (only reading every fifth letter) it says "Idi Amin for president" over and over again.

Animal Farm can be used to gain key insights into societal control and can also be used to fake a book report, since your teacher hasn't read it either nor ever will.

Though there is much heated debate, Orwell and the publishers kept the introduction. The intro for this book, though a bit lengthy, is a goody. John T. Scopes, noted high school English teacher, diatribes about the sentence complexity and depth of Orwell's masterpiece. In Chapter Five (the unforgettable one in which the primates attempt to take over the farm!), Scopes writes, "And how could we thus forget this chapter which speaks of tribalistic totalitarianism? The primates attempt to take over- but they're so stupid! It's unbelievable that they could ever even attempt to be so smart. It's a wonder that the pigs didn't pwn their asses sooner."

It was here that Irwell (Blair) formulated his idea for FarmVille, as he later said "My contempt surrounding industrial society knew no bounds. I needed to form a society of agriculturalists, agrarians and gullible people who would harvest on time and take small rewards. This was my method towards a whole world Collective Farming." FarmVille has more players than the twice the worlds population, and increasing.

Fahrenheit 1984[edit]

In 1984, Ronald Reagan was re-elected President of the United States of Oceania on a platform of personal responsibility for the proles and tax-relief for members of the Inner Party, under the alias of Big Brother. During this period he looked worryingly like George Michael, and in-depth research by five moustachio'd sixth formers strongly suggests that Wham!'s Club Tropicana is based on the district of Oceania, where Winston and Julia got the goodies. Full on fucking-in-the-bushes goodies.

Orwell's famous biography of Big Brother Reagan, Fahrenheit 1984, is supposed to be quite good, although no one ever wants to admit that they have never read it, and that they don't know why such a wordy book, that has to explain every detail instead of revealing story development through actions and dialog, is supposed to be so fucking good.

Oscar Wilde, on Fahrenheit 1984, "I thought it was good up until the end, but I still want to know what happened to Julia and Montag after that accident. Orwell has done it again! Though no one knows what it is, I suspect the nasty."

This book was filmed as Walt Disney's 1984.

The Road To Wigan Pa (1998)[edit]

The Road To Wigan Pa, one of Orwell (Blur's) later books, it tells his story about finding spirituality in Wigan County, Ohio. Wigan Pa, who instructs Blur (Orwell) in 'bacca shootin' and squirrel gutting also teaches him a new message in humanity. "Boy, If you don't shoot da son 'o bitches first, they gonna shoot you.". Wigan Pa was later convicted of a mass shooting in Pissem County, Ohio. Orwell (Blurred) later said ...this was truly my "road out of Kansas". (St. Paul who coined the phrase in 1066 created the town of Louis, Missouri after his "road out of Kansas". Louis was later sainted for defeating communism with the haunting power of his guttural tones and trumpet at the Berlin Wall in 1989.)

HBO own the film rights to the auto bibliography.

Homage to Bologna[edit]

Homage to Bologna is one of the less famous books, but he wrote it to show us his kung-fu combating skills. He was in Spain then, and as a young lad, like many other young lads, enjoyed punching people in the face in public. The book was filled with exciting detail of secret Chinese kung-fu moves. And also, like the young lads of his time, he didn't bother listening in geography.

Waldo and The Emerson[edit]

Waldo and The Emerson, published under the pseudonymicalistic name small dick, remains Orwell's last book. It details the appalling living conditions in Nebraska during the Reign of Terror and is possibly his greatest work. Living undercover in Nebraska as a shit-shoveler, working on a ranch owned by the Gang of Four, Orwell joined a local Anarcho-Syndacalist group. Within weeks all eight of the group were incarcerated for the 1812 arson of the White House. After the Reign of Terror ended, Orwell and his merry men were given amnesty by the Sheriff of Nottingham County, Nebraska.

Orwell Today[edit]

After publishing his last book, Waldo and the Emerson, Orwell abandoned the writing profession in order to embark on the career that led him to great infamy among senior citizens living in Oregon; Orwell had decided to become a Swedish Dominatrix, the first of its kind. Now living in Norway, Orwell has joined Glenn "Frog" the Frog, Walt Whitman, and F. John Fitzkennedy as one of the greatest dead presidents ever. He currently resides in the wastelands of the USSR, whipping savage Russian cavemen and eating a nuclear diet consisting of plutonium, crack, and rusty nails. Yes, folks. Dirty, rusty, fucking sharp nails.

Personal Politics[edit]

He has none. He just writes all these political allegories to make money from those stupid enough to buy them. Orwell gets a kick out of smarmy conspiracy-theory minded freaks crying "1984," "Big Brother" every time the local traffic cop pulls them over.

However, he briefly held a job as a historian, where he expounded the controversial view that not only did the Roman Empire exist, but its capital was not Rome, but the English city of Ankh-Morpork.

George Orwell Related to Ann B. Davis?[edit]

Recent studies have shown that the British novelist Eric Blair, or George Orwell's only living direct blood line relative is Ann B. Davis, more widely known as "Alice" in The Brady Bunch. One only needs to compare two pictures of Ann and George to see the uncanny resemblance. After an attempted interview with Alice, which ended in her stabbing the interviewer and shooting herself in the temple with a 9mm handgun she pulled out of her pants, we uncovered some disturbing truths about their relation. It seems that George Orwell held down and raped his twin sister, and the end result was pregnancy and the birth of Ann B. Davis.

The Taming of the Shrew[edit]

It was thought for a very long time that Shakespeare was actually Orwell in disguise. This was later found to be untrue by Kofi Annan who once he had uncovered this bombshell proclaimed "I AM KOFFI ANAN RULER OF ALL MANKIND". This decision was sponsored by the direction of Coca Cola and Pepsi in a unique cooperation.

Bottom line: George Orwell is now an UNPERSON!

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