Minnow (maritime disaster)

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The Minnow maritime disaster was a faked shipwreck engineered to set up a Mind Kontrol Gulag on Gilligan's Island.

Ss minnow.jpg

“And a million slimy things lived on, and so did I.”

~ Oscar Wilde on his three years of wild debauchery on Gilligan's Island

The Island was a sinister Mind Kontrol experiment. The test subjects were lured to the Island with promises that "a good time will be had by all" and "Relax, Honey, you'll be back to the dock by 4pm. It's only a three hour tour". They were also told there would be a dolphin show on the Island and drinks with little umbrellas in them. The code-phrase used in the Mind Kontrol brainwashing was "A Three Hour Tour". It was repeated over and over, and could cause the test subject to shoot the President. Miles To Go Before I Sleep.

The Kontrollers[edit]

Thurston Howell III was a jaded Plutocrat who financed the entire operation just for kicks and offered up his wife "Lovey" as a test subject.

Amoral Kink "The Professor" aka "Roy Hinkley" aka "The Doktor of Death" (original name thought to be Rheinhardt Hinnkler) administered the experiments. He had formerly worked in the Eugenics programs, lobotomizing and sterilizing any patient unfortunate enough to fall into his hands. He boasted of having fixed Francis Farmer, and also bragged to prostitutes that he had brainwashed Sirhan Sirhan, James Earl Ray, John Hinkley Jr. and Mark David Chapman.

The Professor worked with the Public Health Service giving syphilis to unsuspecting black men in Tuskegee, Alabama and leaving them untreated. On The Island he specialized in creating multiple personalities through rape-based trauma, and also used sensory deprivation, electroshock, and massive doses of LSD. The Professor was a full blown sociopath who achieved sexual arousal by torturing people and animals. He later served as adviser setting up prisons in Guantanamo Bay and Abu Ghraib. He is believed to be a close confidant of Dick Cheney.

Brutal Bull-Fruit Screw "Skipper" Jonas Grumby, ex-Office of Naval Intelligence, ex-OSS. He ran a lucrative black-market operation in the South Pacific during World War II, together with Lieutenant Commander Quinton McHale. He later smuggled guns into Cuba and drugs into Miami. He worked as a mercenary in Africa and was accused of crimes against humanity for his role in massacres in Biafra and the Congo.

On The Island Skipper provided security and muscle. A vicious sadist, he loved to inflict pain and suffering on his hapless charges. Skipper had a mean streak a mile wide. Nobody ever crossed him twice. So mean he once killed a man for snoring. He was finally killed by Sendero Luminoso guerrillas in South America after serving as a torture instructor to Right-Wing death squads allied with the CIA. At his funeral, Danny Quale called him "a great American".

Gilligan was the Shaman, the Trickster, The Huckster Witch. He posed as a test subject but was secretly one of the Kontrollers. His main technique was to allow the victims to think they'd be released and then at the last minute smash all their hopes. He later committed suicide by shooting himself in the back of the head twice, after repeatedly stabbing himself and gargling drano while hanging by the neck in his garage. His twin brother John Denver was also murdered 'cause he Knew Too Much.

The Subjects[edit]

Lovey Howell was a drug-addled, brainless socialite who never produced anything in her life so she kinda had it coming. She abused her servants and professed a deep, abiding, cringing hatred for poor people and minorities. She was once overheard saying "We don't pay taxes. Only little people pay taxes." Lovey Howell was known as a sadistic, tyrannical boss. The slightest mistake was grounds for firing, and Lovey was known to shout insults and obscenities as she savagely beat targeted employees just before they were terminated. Lovey Howell had no friends.

Mary Ann Summers was a test subject, a Mind-Kontrolled Zombie-Assassin Sex-Slave Kourier. As a test subject she represented the virginal, wholesome, innocent farm-girl. She bore an uncanny resemblance to Dorothy Gale, another farm girl from the American Midwest who ended up a long way from home and out of her mind. That's cause she was cloned from Dorothy by the CIA/Nazi scientists as part of Project Oz. She later changed her name to Squeeky Fromm.

Ginger Grant was also a test subject, a Mind-Kontrolled Zombie-Assassin Sex-Slave Kourier. She was recruited while a member of Anton LaVey's Church of Satan and a dancer at the Carousel Club in Dallas, TX. She was the opposite of Mary Ann, representing the Whore. She was reportedly a Marilyn Monroe clone, a product of Nazi/CIA breeding programs. She was later found bleeding and incoherent along a Texas highway, babbling that "they're gonna kill the President". Her warnings were not given credence and two days later John Hinkley attempted to kill Ronald Reagan.


When the experiments cover was blown during a trip by Congressman Leo Ryan in order to discover what had happened to his constituents, the subject population was liquidated in a fake mass suicide and the remaining mind-kontrol zombie assassin sex-slave couriers were turned loose on the unsuspecting American public to wreak havoc as serial killers, forcing the American public to demand a police state to protect them. Master Kontroller Sherwood Schwartz went on to create further Mind Kontrol Psychological Warfare programs that were loosed on the unsuspecting public, such as the Nazi-inspired "The Brady Bundch" and the blatantly gay "My Favorite Martian", used to push the homosexual agenda of sneaking up behind you and sticking it in while you're not looking, like they do.

The Ship[edit]

The SS Minnow was repaired and used by the CIA for gun-running, drug smuggling and office parties. It was later loaned to Gary Hart for use during his Presidential campaign, renamed "Risky Business".

The Island[edit]

The Island was later used as a transshipment point for weapons and drugs by Oliver North during Operation Screw-Worm and Operation Cordoba, part of the Mena, Arkansas/Iran-Contra drug and weapons operations. It was later resettled by transplanted Hmong Tribesmen from Laos.

Other Theories On The Disappearance Of the SS Minnow[edit]

Noted Professor Mojo Nixon of the Snrdlu Institute propounded this theory on the shipwreck:

You know whats going on in that Bermuda Triangle?

Down in the Bermuda Triangle? Elvis needs boats. Elvis needs boats. Elvis Elvis Elvis Elvis Elvis Elvis Elvis needs boats.

Aahh! The Sailing Elvis! Captain Elvis! Commodore Elvis it is!

Scientists are investigating.