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A mocha harvester at work.

“That's hot”

~ Paris Hilton on a mocha-latte-frappachino-whipcream-caramel-coffee-marshmallow-cinnamon-ice-cream-cone, hold the blueberries

Mocha refers to fecal matter produced after a massive Milk of Magnesia rave. All linguists slightly disagree that mocha is a corruption of the name John Stamos. In fact, John Stamos is himself a corruption of the word ligature (for obvious reasons). Mocha is sometimes used to add artificial coloring or scatalogical notes to the aroma of coffee.


Mocha's hue approaches absolute brown. This is one of the most dangerous colors known to man, and must be handled by a trained homosexual.


Not surprisingly, mocha has been persecuted for its uncanny resemblance to the stench of potatoes. However, the health benefits of a perfectly-aged mocha are too strong to ignore (see Poop Cuisine)

Mocha Latés[edit]

Mocha Latés are espressive plays usually performed by old people for the entertainment of retirement home nurses. The emotive, gestural performance begins with a walker-aided dash for the restroom. Halfway there, the thespian makes a wildly subtle gesture of disgust and shame. With mock embarrassment and a little shimmy, s/he murmurs, "Too laté..." This act is a form of ritual bonding between nurse and patient, as mocha is quite a tarry substance.

Double Mocha Latés are just like tall mocha latés, except that the espressions used are exaggerated, often to great comedic effect.

Triple Mocha Latés are not recommended. They typically begin what is known as a vicious cycle.

Mocha Latkés are thin patties of chopped mocha, frequently served with sour cream or applesauce (see Shit Sandwich)

Other Usage[edit]

Some homosexuals are said to possess the power of mochalocation, a more precise form of gaydar.

Mochaccinos are trousers woven exclusively from fine fecal thread.

A mocha grandé is a slightly larger version of the odorless baby mocha grandé.

Mocharoni are little mochae, boiled in their own juices while still squirming. They go exquisitely with a vintage Peeno Noir.