Monk

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For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia think they have an article about Monk.

“I want to see the Vietnamese burning monk - it is awesome”

~ Tamia on monks
A typical monk

Here's what happened: Monks gather in buildings known as monasteries. A group of monks living in a monastery is known as a cult. The primary goal of any cult is to take over the world. The primary obstacle in this pursuit is other cults. The sequence of events which follow after a cult succeeds in this is called Final Impact. It is a misnomer, as this has happened several times in history. Records from these times are scarce and conflicting, but the general consensus is that Final Impact is bad.

Monks are universally male. Common hobbies include sitting, contemplation of unanswerable questions, bare hand fighting, and solving mysteries while humorously freaking out about something being dirty or uneven. Every monk is either a master or a pupil of a master ,the masters rarely talk to anyone in their lives and usually beat or insult pupils when they ask a question , this often leads to Enlightenment of the pupils.

Dispute over the term "Monk"[edit]

No one really knows what a Monk is, nor has anyone ever observed a Monk in its natural habitat. Sometimes the term monk is confused with ninja, Illuminati, New Ager, or Obsessive Compulsive Detective. In common parlance, however, a monk is a male nun.


Monks comprise 1% of all randomly-generated people in the main planet, 1% in containers, and 4% in hell. There is a 4.5% chance that a randomly-generated Monk will look exactly like this, making it the least generated Monk.

General Monk Facts[edit]

  • The average monk can easily exceed the speeds of sound and light, and any monk with a name and hair can easily generate an infinite improbability field that will cause his opponent to have been killed by said monk 1,000 years before the target had been born.
  • Monks that have hair are especially powerful. If their hair is messy and strangely colored by a means other than dye, then that monk is a Class-M Super weapon.
  • A Monk can also become a Class-M Super weapon if they have a name. Monks without names have power equal to mass fodder-ninja, or copy shop workers.
  • Headbands are the focus of Monk power, any monk without one is not allowed to have a name, and therefore they can never become a Class-M Super weapon.
  • The easiest way to become a Monk is to already BE a Monk, therefore forcing every and all Monks to call you a Monk, making you a Monk.
  • Monks are nocturnal creatures on Thursdays.
  • Monks do not reproduce asexually, rather they mate with (female) Ninja, after ordering pizza from the Ninja due to the Uncertainty Principle, which is totally sweet
  • Monks have the ability to defeat an opponent by staring at them for extended periods, which causes them to rip out their own throat and beat themselves with it.
  • Monks are also referred to as 'Monky's, not to be confused with Monkey.
  • Monks hang out with Wizards that cast overpowered spells.
  • Monks are natural leaders, because no one dares disagree with a Monk or risk being stared at for an extended period.
  • Monks are all Qui-Gon Jinn cosplayers, they just wandered into the wrong convent(ion).
  • Monks drink sake in excess to achieve immortality; it also grants them the ability to avoid DUI and cosplay in action films.
Awesome!!!!!, and a little later, Sunshine Anderson burns the car, too!!!!! ~ Tamia

See also[edit]


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