Month-old potatoes

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Month-old potatoes are potatoes that are a month old. These potatoes are notorious for smelling like Yesterday or Mein Kampf. Very few people like these potatoes as they have been known to carry various diseases such as the Potato flu and Judaism.

Potatoes are bred in Ireland and Idaho, these are both regions that start with I and they have sparked massive controversy over whether Potatoes have any relation with The Letter I.

“I.. believe... they... taste... like... the... humor...less... ness... of... Spock”

~ William Shatner on Month old potatoes
Nicole Kidman believes this is false, stating that "The letter I is purely fictional". 

This also created massive controversy. Eventually, Ms. Kidman was convinced that "I" does exist,although only on weekends.

How to Deal with an aging Potato[edit]

As we all know by now, Month-old potatoes are a daunting addition to any home -and they should be delt with immediately. What you need to do is lull your potato into a false sense of security, call it nice names like "Sweety pie" and "Serj Tankien" right before stabbing it in the back - literally. You honestly need to stab the potato in the back, otherwise it will be full of too much potato fluid and will over power you in the long run.

Now you will need an Oscar Wilde quote, a very smart cunning one lke this:

“Pity the fool who failed to conjure up an Oscar Wilde quote for his potato”

~ Oscar Wilde on Deceiving Potatoes

The next step is simple; get down on your knees and get your potato in a head-lock, curl up in a ball and crush it with all your body weight, now wash your clothes and search the house, just incase the potato has been breeding, this could be a serious threat to your pet Hamster or Motel. If you own a Motel or Hotel, do not tell those entering that you have had a month-old potato scare, this could potentially ruin your business and have you in a media head-lock.

How To Eat An Aging Potato[edit]

1. Pick up potato.

2. Insert Whole Potato Into Mouth

3. Swallow (without chewing)

4. Die from aids. Yeah, POTATOES ARE THE CAUSE OF AIDS!