Mos Eisley

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Mos Eisley is a city on the planet Tatooine. It is not to be confused with the English village of Wretched Hive of Scum and Villainy.

Welcome to Mos Eisley[edit]

If you are reading this pamphlet then you have decided to take a trip to Mos Eisley. Mos Eisley is the main city on the luscious desert planet Tatooine and was also the winner of the title "Most Wretched Hive of Scum and Villainy" from 4 BBY - 12 ABY, when it was beaten by Flint, Michigan.

History of Mos Eisley[edit]

This section covers the history of Mos Eisley.

Earliest History[edit]

The area known as Mos Eisley was home to the highly civilised Sand People who created a utopia. They had really crappy weapons because there were no real enemies on the planet at that time. The sand people were also known for a mean rock stew.

Early History[edit]

After completely destroying the utopia of the sand people (see Genocide) the Galactic Police founded Mos Eisley.

Mos Eisley was founded by the Galactic Police as a convict colony. Within 5 years the city became a thriving metropolis filled with thieves, pick-pockets, rapists and rappers.

Not as early as the early history[edit]

A series of events would change the city forever.

The First Event[edit]

First there was the arrival of Batman, who took out the criminals until they became law abiding. This meant that the population was reduced to 0.1% of it's original amount, which was estimated at about 500 million inhabitants. Yes, that's right, the galaxy had many people then so there would be many criminals.

Batman is considered to be the reason that Xenu decided to bomb the Earth.

The Second Event[edit]

With the increase in hyperspace travel, more trade could be conducted without requiring freezing (see carbonite) or a crew with more women so the crew could get the item back to the planet 1700 years after they don't need it anymore. This caused problems amongst certain members of the Trade Unions who started a war about it.

  • For more information on the Trade Union see Trade Federation, which probably doesn't exist.

This meant that Tatooine, and Mos Eisley, which had fragmented into three smaller towns Mos Espa, Mos aSpa and Coober Pedy, would become important again.

The city was then taken over by the Hutts in the Great Hutt - Mos Eisley War.

The Third Event[edit]

The final event in the triathalon was the "mining boom", note the pretty inverted commas. Some people thought that they had found valuable stuff on the planet and came to Mos Eisley in droves. The population boomed, especially because the cities were experiencing Tasmanification and the new blood kinda fixed things.

When it was found out that all the good metal was on the surface, underground was filled with gold, the most useless material in the galaxy, they went broke and carked it. They left their sandcrawlers for the Jawas dirty creatures.

  • For more information on Tasmanification see Tasmania

Recenterer History[edit]

Mos Eisley started to become big again, and with the need for more cantinas, droids, and Stormtroopers all three cities combined, although the mole people of Coober Pedy just kept on living underground.

Mos Eisley was the home of Anakin Skywalker, Darth Vader and Luke Skywalker. They would all go onto destroying the galaxy.

Mos Eisley and Earth[edit]

Traders started coming to earf to trade and stuff like that. Because of the luscious sandstorms and stuff like that they decided to set up shop in nodnoL where water was a useless commodity. They made very few pounds, but billions in Truguts, whatever the hell they are.

They moved their families there and created the Mos Eisley district of nodnoL, home of Sith Vicious.

What to do here[edit]

Mos Eisley boasts many great attractions, from the Boonta Eve podrace, to killing Bounty Hunters. Here is a short list of things to do.

  • Race in the Boonta Eve podrace
  • Kill Bounty hunters
  • Bet on the lives of slaves
  • Find the chosen one
  • Step on Hutt's tails
  • Convince people that "these aren't the droids your looking for"
  • Try and take said droids into a cantina
  • Jawa shooting.
  • Make your own droid
  • Fight in a lightsaber battle
  • Get attacked by Sandpeople
  • Try and find a pilot that would take you off the planet.
  • Shoot first in a the said cantina.

Accomodation[edit]

Want cheap affordable accomodation? Try and find a slave who will take you in. Or you could sleep outside and get flailed alive when the sandstorms hit. Do one, I don't really care.

Escape[edit]

You want to leave? Well you can't your stuck here remember. You shouln't have gone and killed all those people in a drunken rage.

However, you could try the Hutts, or bribe some trader. But most likely you will explode when the transponder that tracks you shows up as leaving the planet.


See Also[edit]