Moses Purple

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Often considered "the purplest-wearing steamboat captain you'll ever see." Moses purple is famous for his work with the folk force as well as his purplicity

You don't want none of this.

Origins[edit]

Moses Purple, unlike most black people, was born in Harlem. Well, back in the time he was born it was Dutch Harlem which was spelt Haaarlum. Moses lived with his aunt (pronounced "Ont") who was an escaped slave named Jemima and his cousins Celie, Nettie, Shug, Pecola, Cholly, and Harpo. Her condemning of the slave life as the devil disgusted young Moses and forced him to go South. Contrary to the commonly accepted belief that all people are created equal, young Moses felt that it was his duty to become a slave. Why did he feel this way? Nobody knows. Anyway, after numerous battles with The Conductor and Harriet Tubman on his un-exodus on the Underground Railroad into the south, Moses sought refuge from equality in an Indigo plantation in South Carolina. Indigo to him represented reverse salvation and from that point on he sported a purple handkerchief.

The Slave Life[edit]

Moses was much more than content being a slave. He would often sing to himself in the field and when the master wasn't looking he would break it down with some of the finest dance moves around even by today's standards. His amazing vocals and rad dance moves caught the eye of none other than visitor Strings McPickens. (Incidentally Chords McPickens was the stable boy at the plantation and Strings was there to meet him for the first time.) So Strings strummed a few chords on his banjo upon hearing Moses' tunes and they ho-downed for what would have been hours if it were not for the invigilator who told the coordinator. Before being kicked out, Strings said to Moses, "Under other circumstances it would be mighty swell if you were to join my brigade." Moses replied, "I can dig it son."

The Civil War[edit]

During the Civil War, Moses Purple swore allegiance to the Confederate Army and even turned down payment. Moses saw a lot of action during the war and almost lost a finger peeling potatoes. But perhaps his most glorious day was the Battle of The Ironclads. In defiance of direct orders from General Lee for a bowl of soup, Moses stole the Merrimac and single handedly sunk half of the Union Naval fleet. (It is speculated today that Trout Larry also lended a fin in this battle) Unfortunately he was unable to sink the USS Monitor. Out of sheer respect of Moses' superior captaining, he was allowed a graceful retreat back to the South.

Post-War[edit]

With the Emancipation Proclamation and the Confederate loss of the Civil War, Moses was heartbroken. From that point on, he wore nothin but purple to show his loyalty to the indigo plantation that he so passionately sought refuge in, thus giving him the name Moses Purple. (His former name was Moses Kinte) Strings McPickens was happy about this news solely because now he would be able to inaugurate Moses to the Folk Force. Not only did Moses offer his superior vocals and hot poppin fresh dance moves, but he was also excellent for public relations.

Folk Force[edit]

Moses proved to be an excellent addition to the Folk Force even though he was always the first to die. With his help, it is rumored that the Folk Force invented Blues. In their numerous public addresses a racist black person was great strategy. In addition to his publicity, Moses often provided transport for the Folk Force with his environmentally sound and fully tricked out Steamboat of Justice to places such as The Mississippi River and the Louisiana Swamps. His exploits in these areas instrumental in recruiting Skipper Dixon and Trout Larry. Moses became very close friends with Colonel Sanders and they fought most of their battles side by side. Also, Moses fell deeply in love with the Colonel's fried chicken and is responsible for the sterotype that dictates that all black people love fried chicken. It is said today that if you are down in South Carolina's wilderness with a bucket of chicken wings, maybe, just maybe you will have the priveledge to hear the harmonious vocals of Moses Purple.