Royal Canadian Mounted Police

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The Royal Canadian Mounted Police (or Mounties) is "military" police force responsible for keeping Canadians polite. While the Mounties once handled Canadian espionage, the Mounties today focus exclusively on supplementing local police forces. The Mounties are mounted on horseback since the Canadian government has found other means of transportation "too mechanical." With their bright red jackets and tall horses, the Mounties are easy to see, and thus avoid or outrun. Subsequently, they are often undervalued as a peacekeeping force.


In 1873, Prime Minister Sir John A. McDonald discovered Dudley Do-Right frozen in a glacier in Montana, and mistakenly believing that Dudley possessed long lost survival skills, installed him as the head of the newly formed North-West Mounted Rifles. Dudley proceeded to nearly destroy the Mounties with poor shooting and a penchant for getting into misadventures involving damsels in distress. In 1876, he was demoted and later lived out his days working as a street musician in Toronto.

The Mounties Today[edit]

Today the Mounties keep Canadians polite for fear that Canada's larger neighbor might get angry and seize Canada. Whether this mysterious "larger neighbor" is Russia or the United States of America is unknown. In 2010, the Mounties got their first equipment upgrade since 1953. They now carry actual guns, rather than long knives. The Mounties have yet to replace their horses with mechanical transport.

Quotes About the Mounties[edit]

"They were my pride and joy until they fired me. Now I just wish that I hadn't spent $300 on the uniform." - Dudley Do-Right

"The Royal Canadian Mounted Police are the single greatest threat to impoliteness since they invented the muzzle." - Miss Manners

"I never went to Canada because I feared the Mounties and those big dogs with the little barrels around their necks." - Billy the Kid