The Biography of Mr. Obvious
Born John Jacob Jingleheimer Obvious, though often known by his stage name, Chaim Haviaktz, he progressed through an unremarkable childhood and adolescence, Obvious was originally a mild mannered man with no readily apparent qualities and no direction or ambition in life. One day, however, he stepped in a puddle. "This puddle is wet!" he exclaimed, in shock."No Shit. Way to go, Captain Obvious," said a passerby.
Suddenly, the uncertainty of where to direct his life melted away and an epiphany took hold. It was all, well... obvious. He would go around the world, helping to point out the evident, conspicuous, and readily apparent to anyone who would listen, as well as the people who wouldn't. Cpt. Obvious has received his fame fittastelikepoopor his deeds of great ceremony and public acclaim, characterised further by their complete lack of merit, usefulnes, purpose and audience. Captain Obvious is known as a man remarkably devoid of all semblance of wit, a sense of irony, entertainment, and ability to experience the various emotional states of levity.
Captain Obvious is distinguished by a neon orange cape with silver reflective trim and a brilliant scarlet jump suit. A huge yellow-and-black sign on his chest is emblazoned with the words, "Captain Obvious". A portable neon lighting system causes his outfit to to flouresce. It is often believed that Obvious travels with his sidekick, Readily Apparent Boy, in the Obviousmobile, an eighteen wheeled fire-engine red vehicle equipped with sixteen flashing strobe lights and an air raid siren, and a giant rotating sign on the top which reads "This is Captain Obvious' ObviousMobile. Which is the Means of Transportation for Captain Obvious. It belongs to Captain Obvious. Who is a Super Hero, who Points out Things That Are Evident." The three huge hydrogen-fueled rocket boosters of the vehicle are ineffective as a source of propulsion, but when they are ignited at night the vehicle produces enough light to read by even at a distance of two and a half miles.
However, while the ObviousMobile may exist, Captain Obvious true side kick is Sarcastic Boy, who is often heard shouting replies to Captain Obvious such as, "Realllly, Captain Obvious?" and, "Gee, thanks Captain Obvious, I never could have figured that one out myself!" in order to provide a foil to Obvious' character through (obvious) sarcasm and cynicism.
Note that the above paragraph is indeed wrong
Note that the above paragraph is indeed wrong, Captain Obvious is not the same person as Mr. Obvious. This has been like so often been clarified by Captain Obvious!
“I am not the same person as Mr. Obvious! That would be too... well... obvious!”