Musical Movie

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
Jump to: navigation, search
  • Screw the critics, here's...
Writer Karl Marx
Producer Josef Stalin
Director Josef Stalin
Runtime Eighty (80) minutes
Language English
Distributed by PBS
IMDb rating

Musical Movie is a 2016 comedy film and a spoof of musical films, particularly the works of Gilbert and Sullivan. One sequel followed a week later before the franchise was dropped by PBS.

The movie is also a break for the Scary Movie crew, being their first (and only) film to feature British actors in the lead role. (Spy Movie was set in Britain, but used American actors), featuring Rowan Atkinson (who had previously appeared in Date Movie), Hugh Laurie and Stephen Fry.


The movie opens to a pair of singing-lips to the song Teen Flick that plays through the opening credits. The lips fade, and the scene cuts to Getting High School somewhere in Oklahoma.

At the school are three friends; Don Zuccini (Rowan Atkinson), Kenny Munroe (Hugh Laurie), and Mel Smith (Stephen Fry), who help in the school canteen by sorting out salted peanuts.

After a brief song courtesy of the Nutty Squirrels, the trio watch in amazement as The Big Fat Bastard (played by an uncreditted Gordon Brown) undergoes a severe attack of Acne 'Splode, causing his remains to fly about the canteen in a horrible bloodbath.

The Acne 'Splode scene. Woo!

The trio are forced to stay behind after school to clean up the mess, but discover a trio of new girls who have recently joined the school. The girls are Sally Silkslit (Paris Hilton), Slut Whorebitch (Naomi Campbell) and Lucy Slutternutters (Cameron Diaz). Zuccini likes Silkslit, Munroe fancies Whorebitch, and Smith wants to shag Slutternutters like there's no tomorrow.

Over the coming days, the boys gradually win over the three girls and ask them out to the Disco, all three girls accept the invitation in song, but are suddenly threatened by the school bully, Sting Painhurt (Tom Cruise), a twisted teen who is so cruel he sprinkles itching powder on fleas, and once forced Spinal Tap to play the accordion.

Sting challenges the three boys to a showdown (in song) at the high school disco that night, to which the boys accept. The girls try to deter them, but it is no use, and they watch as the boys humiliate themselves by preparing for the showdown in song.

The disco begins, but the three boys grow shitless when they see what Sting has to offer; a two-step jungle boogie to Jungle Rock by Hank Mizell (whoever the hell he is).

Sting Painhurt (Tom Cruise) performing the two-step jungle boogie.

Feeling downhearted, the boys are about to admit defeat, but the girls press them on, telling them in a poignant scene:

You got yourselves into this fucking mess, now you can get yourselves out!

Encouraged by this, the boys leap into the Macarena twist to Ouch! by The Rutles. The boys, as can be expected in an insipid article like this, win the day and the girls, leaving Sting rejected and alone.

Admitting defeat (in song), Sting submits to the trio, admitting that he was wrong, and shamefully takes up a job as an Astronaut, with a spaceship that has a faulty ignition, ripped mufflers and a damaged overhead underhang that is seen flying off into space.

Twelve years later, Zuccini, Munroe and Smith are now truck drivers who are all married, and have now changed from nerds into heroes, whose escapades finish the movie with this song (WARNING!: contains a toy hedgehog being crushed under a truck's wheels):

The movie then ends proper after we see Sting back from space, only to be run over on a zebra crossing by Zuccini in his truck.


Reaction to this movie, and indeed any movie made by the Scary Movie crew was as negative as a blob of antimatter. Roger Ebert famously said of the movie that:

The only thing more incoherent than the plot are the songs. These guys obviously don't know how to make a musical even if it came up and bit them on the ass! How anyone can watch this and not get earache is beyond me!

But despite this, the movie still garnered a total $230,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 worldwide by the stupid assholes who were dumb enough to go and see it anyway, once again proving that moviegoers today have no brains.


Musical Movie 2 came out the following week, but was the last in the Musical Movie series, having failed even moreso than the first movie, and doing very little for movie history other than to wreck it, and there was absolutely no connection to the original movie whatsoever.


  • Salt Peanuts (4:16) - The Nutty Squirrels
  • We're Horny for You (3:10) - Atkinson, Fry and Laurie
  • Yes, I'll Go! (2:54) - Hilton, Campbell and Diaz
  • Disco Showdown (1:59) - Cruise, Atkinson, Fry and Laurie
  • Night Fever (3:45) - The Bee Gees
  • Jungle Rock (2:38) - Hank Mizell
  • I Like Trucking (2:39) - Atkinson, Fry and Laurie

Full Cast[edit]

Movies Spoofed[edit]

  • Blackadder - Even though this is not a movie Rowan Atkinson Hugh Laurie and Stephen Fry all star in this movie. Early drafts included the guy who played Baldrick but since this is a musical they sacked him after the heard his horrible war poem in the blackadder goes fourth episode Goodbyeee.
  • Oklahoma! - The movie is set in (surprise, surprise) Oklahoma
  • Shark Movie - Lucy Slutternutters is named after Dr. Soot Slutternutters