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Muzzy wants to eat your soul

Muzzy purports to teach children foreign languages using fun videos, but what they're not telling you is that he's secretly a psychopathic monster subsisting on the souls of human children. His reign of terror began with the dawn of time, but the advent of technology has lent itself to new techniques in mass soul consumption. His early years were fraught with troubles; his home life was unstable and he had no friends. He struggled through the standard teenage identity confusion alone, and thus emerged a deranged predator. He has generally avoided notice from the authorities, except during the Spanish Inquisition and the Holocaust.

Early Life[edit]

Born out of wedlock, Muzzy never had someone to call "Father". His mother didn't like him and made him do chores when she wasn't beating him. He was ugly and the girls never liked him. All his supposed friends tried to kill him eventually. Instead of writing angsty poetry about the dearth of his happiness, Muzzy decided he would sell his soul to Satan and get revenge for every time he'd been wronged.

Establishing Himself[edit]

First Muzzy went on a crusade to turn his entire family into soul-less Jiggly Puffs. Satan had given him the power to make them hurt and Muzzy fully intended to make everyone feel his fuzzy pain. He went after nearly everyone he knew. However, Muzzy grew up and realized how angsty and immature he had been. He also got extremely bored with revenge. One day, while musing about how much he hated children, Muzzy got a scintillating idea.

Oui, c'est français qu'il parle.


With the invention of television, Muzzy realized its potential. He knew his days of wandering searching for souls to eat were over. Feeding on the popularity of educational videos, he created a series that would suck the souls from children. He dismissed the suspicions of parents with the pretense of foreign language learning, ensuring that they'd never notice their children had lost their souls. The husks would speak Gibberish and the parents would gleam with pride. Muzzy grew fat with success and soon marketed many languages, expanding his influence.


Satan was well-pleased with Muzzy's success and knew he had to insert his influence. He had the videos tailored to bring the children under his control. His empire soon grew to an alarming size. Muzzy was a good pawn and he was rewarded adequately.


Muzzy has orange eyes because he eats souls. He is fat because he has been sated by his large following. His fur is green because of greed.