“Who-who-who's computer are you?”
“My computer belongs to you.”
“All your computer are belong to us.”
“It is the People's computer!!”
“In Soviet Russia, You crash on your computer!!”
My Computer is one of the great wonders of the world. He was created by the Unknown and he enjoys young women, modern sculputures and brand new shiny monitors with matching speakers. He has many world records, including "First Self-Aware Machine".
My Computer: The Creation
My Computer was created by a strange force known as the Unknown. The Unknown had wanted to create a force to destroy Captain Picard. The device failed and was sold to me. The Unknown destroyed all evidence of the machine and probably destroyed itself. Eventually this lead Picard to destroy the Unknown's ship and everything seemed fine. Unfortunately, My Computer was able to create a vortex and go to the Unknown's home planet known as Windows in the Microsoft solar system. Once there My Computer realized that he had been fooled. Sadly, his planet had been conquered by the Macintosh and my computer was assimilated.
My Computer: The Bad Years
File:Macintosh 128k transparency.png My Computer was sold on eBay shortly after this and he was bought by an Indian tech-support guy (that was a suprise because it allwas. My Computer (who was no longer owned by me) was brainwashed into repeating the words "How May I help you?" over and over. Luckily, my Computer was saved when India was bombed by Russia and all was well! My Computer was used as a torture device in Russia, where he often typed such horrifying things as:
"OMG ROFL STFU N00B", "Hey a/s/l?", and even, "D00D HALO PWNZOR3D U!!!!11111".
Because of his powers as a torture device, My Computer was switched back to Windows, put on the black market and was once again purchased by me. I used him to kill my enemies and even do my homework.
My Computer: The Programming Years
My Computer was soon after drafted into one of the most bravest jobs of all time. Being a C++++ programmer. C++++ is the most complicated programming language ever made, so complicated that only the world's top three programmers can comprehend and understand it, and so advanced that it can be used to create anything. My Computer became successful at this and even went as far as to appear on several covers of "Nerd Monthly". My Computer was laster arrested for abusing the sacred power he had been given. He used it to create a virtual world so advanced that Will Wright fell off his pile of money when he saw it. My Computer, not being able to pay his fine was electrocuted later that year. I thought he was dead, but...
My Computer made a startling comeback, after I found him alive and well aboard a luxury yacht full of sexy young women, rescued him, and took him back to my house. Unfortunately, My Computer wasn't best pleased.
My Computer then caught spyware, which resulted in him slowing down. I took him to the repair shop, but it was no good. The spyware caused porn popups every five seconds, and I was forced to backup and reformat.
My Computer Post-Reformat
My Computer was a lot friendlier after the reformat, but he soon got clogged up again. This time, I realised drastic action had to be taken. I backed up and reformatted again.
My Computer Post-Re-Reformat
My Computer was a lot better after that second reformat. I realised that Norton was the cause of most of my problems, and so was Windows, so I switched to Linux. Since then, My Computer has picked up a sexy young laptop, and is currently doing really well running his own law firm.