|YANG AMAT GATAL NAJIS MONGOLIA ROJAK|
|Date of birth||The day his mother burst a pile|
|Place of birth||GOMORRAH|
|Date of death||25th November 2005|
|Place of death||Pig and Whistle, Wandsworth, London|
|First Lady|| 1. Puteri Zainah Tengku Eskandar
2. Rosmah "tembam" Mansor
|Order||Deputy Prick Minister of Malaysia, Murderer|
|Vice President||failed attempt 1951|
|Prime Minister||Ran in 1965 election|
|Term of office||Halloween, 2004–Christmas, 2008|
|Preceded by||The asshole before him|
|Succeeded by||The next asshole|
|Political party||Barisan Najis|
Who is this fornicator called Najis?
Mongolian politician who ditched his first wife faster than two shakes of a hooker's tail when he was head over balls in love with Rosmah Mansor (Giant Hippo), a guest relations officer who became Najis Razak's second wife and then the honorary chancellor of a Malaysian university.
After he married Rosmah, she promptly did a magic trick by putting on 40 kilos within a few years, a situation that could not be extenuated by extensive botox treatments, which were so frequent that she now looks like a smooth, shiny and puffy Madame Tussaud wax figure.
In recent years, on the expert medical advice of her vaginal reconstruction surgeon, Rosmah had also persuaded her husband to go for minor skin tightening surgery and extensive skin bleaching treatments, which contributed to his pink ham look today. Some people disagree with this description, as it has been said that he looks more like fake luncheon meat.
What does his name mean?
Najis Tong Rosak, whose first name is Malay for 'excrement', belongs to a special group of really 'special' people, commonly grouped as Malaysian celebrities - a class above the rest where retards are concerned, most of whom are the result of multi-generational inbreeding.
What is he doing now?
Currently, he his in hiding with his pants on his head, squirting his own excrement all over his office floor and having his personal chauffeur licking it all up, as the people of Malaysia demands the demise of this despicable rodent. At the same time hiding from the soul of Altantuya which he murdered few years back.
Murder of Altantuya Shaaribuu
“Listen, Baggins, I've had enough of that girl. What say you to a bit of fun? I'll let you in on a little secret - she's surreptitious to anal sex.”
“Surreptitious? Do you mean secretive?”
“Okay, I meant she's... what's the word, susceptible.”
“I see. So in the event of an outbreak of sodomy, she would come down with a bad case of it?”
“Oh, yes... she would come down all right.”
“Actually, I'm on my way to Korea. Maybe I could take her there. It'll be rather romantic. But what about my wife and family?”
“They won't find out, and if they do, just deny it. You can always swear in the name of Allah that you are innocent.”
Being enormously fat did not prevent Rosmah from capably slapping her husband, the Deputy Prick Minister of Malaysia, outside his Putrajaya office anteroom, in front of several guests and their government aides, allegedly as chastisement for his sugar-daddy role in a 2006 murder case, involving an attractive Mongolian model named Altantuya ("I'll tend to you yeah"), whose nude body was vaporized using some of Najis Razak's personal allotment of military-grade C4 explosives as Defence Minister of Malaysia.
The pretty but unlucky girl was introduced to Douche-Baginda by Najis Razak, who happened to be in Hong Kong shopping for blood diamonds with Rosmah.
Najis planned for Douche-Baginda to attract Altantuya so that her affections would be diverted from Najis. So while Douche-Baginda was working hard on a stinky submarine deal with the French, she worked as his translator. In order to trick her into sex, he engineered a sham marriage to her in Korea, far away from his unsuspecting wife and daughter.
After he had his fun, Douche-Baginda ditched her like how he had ditched many others. He quickly flew home to Kuala Lumpur, but Altantuya followed soon after. She tried to meet him to find out what was going on, but Douche-Baginda tried his best to pretend he did not know her and even hired a private investigator called Bad-Luck Bala to deal with her unwanted presence.
Altantuya was hurt and angry that she had been lied to, and began to realise what a douche bag her boyfriend really was. She went to his home to confront him, which made Baginda's loose nuts shrink to the size of raisins. He panicked when he realised his wife and daughter would find out, so he called Najis and screamed for help.
Najis was enjoying a threesome with Rosmah and Saiful in his Robert Mugabe-inspired mansion when he was notified of Baginda's phone call. He was annoyed that Baginda had interrupted a most delicious sandwich action; nevertheless, he assured Baginda that he would settle the matter. "Your ass may not be tight anymore, Dildo Baggins," he said, "but you can still sit tight."
After he had come inside Saiful, Najis made a phone call to his yakuza foreman, a Malaysian Police Special Action Force coward, who arrived immediately with Rosmah's female aide de corps and another coward. They went over to Baginda's house in two cars, bundled Altantuya into one, and drove straight for a secluded forested area in Shah Alam. Altantuya was never seen alive again.
In Shah Alam, the Malaysian police later found Altantuya's bone fragments, which led CSI Bkt Jelutong to conclude that C4 explosives had killed her. Najis ordered the police to arrest Baginda and the three stooges for the murder.
The Best of Malaysian Bloggers
A courageous and truthful  blogger named Maharaja Petra was accused of sedition in relation to this case, because Najis wanted to make sure there were as many distractions as possible from his own name. The crunch came when, in June 2008, Petra said Rosmah the Fat Cunt was with Altantuya when on the night of the murder. Dr Shaariibuu Setev, the father of Altantuya, then asked Malaysian police to conduct a thorough investigation into this allegation, not being familiar with the adage "Nothing is impossible, except a thorough investigation by the Malaysian police."
The murder accused, with their typical kampung mentality, quickly smelt out an opportunity to get rich quick, and has sued Petra for a million dollars.
“Ini kali pertama kita jadi famous, so boleh lah upahkan lawyer untuk mendapatkan wang lumayan dari Raja Petra. Dah lama aku memikirkan cara bagaimana nak dapat duit tak payah kerja.”
“Ini jauh berbeza dari tujuan kami menjadi ahli polis, tetapi agak bagus jugak. Bila dah kaya nanti, tak payah lah bergantung pada pekerjaan ini untuk mendapat duit kopi dan hidup mewah.”
Bad-Luck Bala decided to get his 15 minutes of fame by revealing in a statutory declaration that Najis had sodomized Altantuya a few times before. He said the police omitted information about this sexual relationship.
This time, Najis called in another group of yakuza cops, and Bad-Luck Bala quickly pulled back his statement the very next day. Then he and his family vanished from Malaysia. On July 6, 2008, the lazy and incompetent Malaysian police asked Interpol to help find Bala, because they were too busy dividing bribes to attend to it themselves. It was later officially stated that Bala had taken refuge in a neighbouring country with his wife and children. However, the unofficial version was that they were blown up by C4 explosives in Myanmar.
Film and Music
The story of the murder of a beautiful and innocent woman by a sex-hungry and lust-mad deputy prime minister and his insanely jealous wife had caught the attention of the public and international observers in a vise-like grip since it first broke onto the news three years ago.
The much-publicized murder case and resulting media frenzy led to a multi-million dollar movie rights deal between Khairy Jamaluddin, also known as "Khairy the Kunt" - an enterprising young Malaysian businessman, with Bollywood producers, who were attracted to the intricate plot and subplots of the yet-to-be-concluded drama.
In interview with Malaysia Monkeyland Entertainment in 2005, producers revealed that the storyline did not have to stray far from the facts of the case, as the key to any murder case is the motive. Altantuya’s role in a submarine deal gives a motive to the main villain (Najis's) crime. She had been interpreting for him in negotiations. But there was a dark side to this deal.
In a twist of the movie plot, which reflected real life, the Malaysian Ministry of Defence paid one billion Euros (RM 4.5 billion) to the vendor Amaris (French/Spanish JV) for three submarines (including a used one), for which transaction, Perianal (in real life, Naji's company is called Perimekar) received a commission of 114 million euros (RM 510 million) from Amaris.
According to real life accounts, the commission was a whopping 11% of the sales value, a ridiculously high figure that factored in the usual improprieties that Malaysian politicians are notoriously fond of. Excessive as the figure might sound in a movie script, the true hidden leakage in what had happened in reality in Malaysia, was way much more, based on reliable sources that leaked that the sales was not conducted through competitive tenders.
In the film, as in real life, a charming and beautiful woman sealed the deal and was promised a big fee of half a million US dollars. Later, her partners in crime turned against her, and she unwittingly became an unwelcome and dangerous woman due to rising hostilities between her and the Malaysian bastards. The drama is made more sensational with various sexual entanglements thrown in.
The film was also adapted for Broadway, with an original cast populated by actors dressed as Malaysian Cabinet ministers. The title track from the Original Bolehwood Movie Soundtrack recording, based on a funny Najib poem, has since become a hit with Malaysian theatre followers, and is popularly known as 'Sex and the C4'.
The Najis Poem
|Sodomy is a useful word |
recently said and heard,
|in Malaysian homes and offices |
it's all about famous orifices
|What is going on, you wonder |
when Bala steals the thunder,
|finger pointing the magic word |
that is most loved by the UMNO herd
|Organs united, names forgotten? |
VIPs are really rotten
|Saifool he knows and did not know |
doubts about Aminah begin to grow
|of whose loose lips he was afraid |
but liked her other end instead;
|of course he knew it wasn't right |
but it felt so good and tight!
|You could not hump like Greeks |
the Hindenburg’s fat cheeks;
|what her hubby found so succulent |
was making Rosmah trucculent.
|And so she thought, the time was due |
for a nice Mongolian barbecue.
|Enter the analyst, not so anal, |
who found the girl too banal;
|fearing supernatural harm |
from her juicy feminine charm,
|he hired Bala straightaway |
to keep the honeytrap at bay
|but private dicks were of no match |
for Aminah's superlative snatch
|and now that Najib had had his fill, |
he would not share the till;
|right after the submarine deal, |
Aminah's fate he would seal.
|Now Rosmah had one idea |
on how to kenakan dia
|"Let’s bomb the bombshell, |
let's send her to hell."
|Thus perished the hapless beauty |
after translation and booty duty;
|now Rosmah’s ass was happy |
until one blogger got yappy;
|this Hindenburg nearly caught fire |
yet to sue she has no desire.
|But Najib's part in this murder |
will travel much further;
|despite his police actions |
and one or two retractions,
|some questions will remain |
a big part of his bane–
|how did Altantuya really die? |
and why did he have to lie?
|Did he pay off Bala savvily, |
or threaten to C4 his family?
|What acts could be more despised? |
With his money, we’re not surprised;
|after all, he's such a bully beast, |
to him and him alone, at least,
|magic words that cannot apply– |
are useful for making rivals die.
Allegations of Sodomy (2008)
Since the 2006 case broke, the couple, Najis and Rosmah, has been embroiled in police (useless) investigations amid new disclosures of their unusual sexual habits, such as anal sex and a leaning towards sex-and-snuff sessions.
In July 2008, a private investigator named Bala (this word is Malay for 'misfortune') revealed that, on one occasion when Najis was sharing a locker-room joke with his house boy Abdul Razak Baginda, Najis had praised Altantuya for her ability and willingness to take him from behind during their secret trysts in Paris, of which the ostensible purpose of being in Paris was to negotiate a deal with the French military, for the purchase of their phallic submarines, which Najis showed a tremendous interest in initially because their shape reminded him of his vast collection of dildos.
It has been noted among biographers that Najis collected and owned a vast collection of dildos for his own pleasure, as well as that of Rosmah, for about this time, their sex life had broken down irretrievably due to the physical impossibility of anal sex with her considerably large rear.
Saiful Bukakke Azlan - Najib's Toy Boy
When the new allegations of sodomy broke, Najis denied having had anything to do with Altantuya's death. In July 2008, Najis decided to create an RSS or Really Stupid Statement on the religious ticket that he had never heard of the "Altantuya woman" at all.
Immediately, international media observers began to note his ignorance of history and similar oaths from the past, including those of the 42nd and 37th President of the United States, Bill Clinton and Richard Nixon, both of whom lied under oath about relationships with hot women and illegal activities, respectively.
It was evident that Najis was not aware of the fact that he was not the first person in the world to swear in the name of God, or that millions had told lies in the name of God. An unnamed source however was quoted as saying, "Najis told me it would be a good idea to invoke the name of God, because God could not make an appearance in any courtroom to disvouch anyone who used his name."
Interestingly enough, he had also denied having any knowledge of Saiful Bukak Kaki Ass-Lanjiao, a young man from the Land of Gomorrah. In reiteration, Najis said he only knew that the young Sodomite had come to him because of a constipation and lack of academic skills problem. A day after the private investigator's statutory declaration (written on recycled toilet paper), Bala procured more toilet paper on which to write a retraction, and then vanished, leading to a wide Interpol search because the Malaysian police were too incompetent to find anyone in a hurry.
Subsequently, many questions were raised by concerned citizens who were anxious to see how long Najis can keep afloat by treading shit in a very deep septic tank (also known as UMNO). Speculations are ongoing on whether Badawi also known as Fak Lah will move a few inches this year.
It is recommended to throw any object that can cause hurt at this fornicator as his presence can cause angry provocation from both Malaysians and mongolians alike. We recommend najis that's wrapped inside a plastic bag packed with stones.
Sordid Tales from Bolehblah